86. The Spy Who Watched Me – by Monty

Where did this come from?

This morning I awoke to find a strange little being on the patio. I decided not to investigate too closely, as Ugly Cat was sitting on the shed next door and I wanted to talk to him before he ran away. I informed him that I wished to speak to him about his following us on our patrols, and he agreed to a discussion.

I told him that I was the leader of a secret organisation and that his presence on our patrols was unwanted and extremely suspicious. I felt it was only fair to tell him that he was being closely observed and his movements were being monitored by members of my team.

Ugly Cat then astonished me by saying that I was the one being closely observed and monitored by him. Ridiculous! He also said that he wasn’t following us on our patrols, but was instead ahead of us as he already knew our routes. I replied that this was impossible, as our secret routes were known only to the secret members of my secret organisation. He then rather cryptically said that he ‘had his sources.’ 

I warned him not to cross the line where I was concerned, and reminded him that I am a trained professional. He was rude enough to laugh, and asked if I was trained to play in mud. When I demanded that he explain himself, he said that he knew all about the mud heads. I was furious by this time! How could he possibly know about my Mud Head Project? I made it very clear how angry I was and although he shouted that he wasn’t frightened of me, he did run away. The universal language of raised heckles works every time.

I have come to the conclusion that Ugly Cat has spies working for him, so I must make it a priority to identify and eliminate those involved. This is serious business, and must be approached in the most serious manner. Despite this, I tried to speak to Chicken about it, but she had found the little being by then and was busy throwing it in the air and catching it. I left her to it, and retired to my bed to formulate a plan.

Monty