178. Calculation: Harder Than It Looks – by Monty

I appear to have miscalculated with regards to Chicken’s wishes. I am surprised about this, as I rarely miscalculate. I thought she would have loved to have met Rudolf, but before his visit, it came to light that she wasn’t very pleased at all. Actually, she was furious. As was he, when I told him that he would no longer be having a five course meal at my house. Apparently, he had been starving himself for three days in anticipation of the feast.

Chicken is still angry that we didn’t get married on Christmas Eve and blames Rudolf. Although I can understand her feelings towards him, I think it is very unfair of her to also blame me, as I have done nothing wrong, and was planning on marrying her in the near future. When I told her this, she informed me that she had married someone else. Can you believe it?

Who wouldn’t want to marry me?

At first I was very hurt, but when I found out that she had married a stuffed toy I felt a bit better. Gingerbread Snowman does not compare to me. I’ve been through this before with Jurgen Klopp. Sooner or later she’ll realise that I’m a good catch and come running back. I intend to launch a full scale charm offensive in the morning.

New Year’s Eve was rather spoilt by fireworks, as was New Year’s Day. On my estate, it is customary to celebrate most days with fireworks. I do not understand nor like this situation, and I’m hoping tonight will be quieter.

The new year has started and I’ve contacted the government to suggest that it be called 2017. I’d like to thank all my followers and readers for supporting me and wish you all the best for the coming year.

Monty The Great