Monthly Archives: December 2023

Merry Christmas to you all! I hope that you have all had an excellent day. Chicken and I have eaten more today than I think we have eaten in the whole of last year. We have seen all our friends and played loads of games. There was a lot of organising to do but my timing was impeccable as usual.

I have outlined the training plan for Chicken which is to be implemented shortly. I believe Chicken was impressed because she didn’t interrupt my briefing at all – not once.

All is peaceful now and we have settled down in front of an open fire with a box of chocolates. We send all our love to you all. Even if you only have two legs.

Love Monty

Life can be very difficult when you are so important that you are needed in two places at once. This, for me, is an everyday occurrence. As you know, I have an expansive skills set which is much in demand. Sometimes, I really do not know what to do for the best.

Take today, for example. St Peter is very busy preparing for some important birthday celebrations which are to take place at the end of December. He has not said so specifically, but it is obvious that my organisational skills will be of great use to him. I’m sure that he will shortly be delegating some of the more complex tasks to me and I stand ready and willing to take charge.

My problem is that there is another task that I also have to attend to. A very urgent task. One that I really should deal with without delay. I speak, of course, of Chicken.

When I first allowed Chicken to move in with me back in 2015, I swore an oath to take care of her and to teach her everything I know. There is still a lot of work to do. The poor little thing is finding it tricky to navigate her way around Heaven. She appears to be having a lot of fun but I am fully prepared to interrupt that in order to continue her training.

She may not like it, but it is in her own best interest. In the long run, she will have more fun if she is fully aware of, and sticks to, the rules and regulations and goes about her activities in the appropriate way, following the correct procedures.

I have written a programme of study for her which includes some end of unit assessments and exams.

Let the fun begin!

Monty The Late Great

Then the next day it was all cold and nasty cold. My feets were all coldy cold cold and it was there was snow. Big Monty did do stupid baby running around in the snow and I did it with him but I did it betterer. Then it was cold and I did doing going back to bed.

Monty donty did say what is the matter and I did say I was coldy cold. Monty said that I did not get used to being in Heaven yet and he did reminding and reminded me that in Heaven I can have anything I wanted.

So I did ask Monty, if I did want sunshine then I can have sunshine? And Monty did say yes. Then I did ask Monty, if I did want rainy then I can have rain? And Monty did say yes. Then I did ask Monty, if I did want windy then I can have wind? And Monty did say that he had already said it before and yes then I can have wind. Then I did ask Monty, if I did want warm snowy then I can have warm snow? And Monty did shout that he had already told me the too many times that I is in Heaven and that in Heaven I can have anything that I want. Then I did ask Monty, anything? And Monty did shout ANYTHING! In a shouty voice.

So I did have roast lamb, a big cream cakes and choccy choccy choccy choccy choccy choc choc.

So I win. BOOM! BOOM!

By Chicken