Ugly Cats has been living with a ferret.
I did say to Monty that ferrets smell and Ugly Cats smells and he should all go back to his smelly ferret. Monty donty did say I had to be kind to him because he had all been out in the field and I did say bum.
At this Christmas I did sleep in the comfy big bed and eats nice foody food and gets lovely presents so I is happy. Ugly Cats is even more ugly than he used to be and now he has big scratches on him and scruffy fuzz hair. I did say it was his own fault for being next to a ferret in a field and Monty did say again that I did have to be kind, so I did tell Monty to go and live with the smelly ferret if he does love him so much.
Crinkle and me together is all thinking of a plan to get rids of the smelly ferret and Ugly Cats. They is smelly and ugly. BOOM! BOOM!
Crinkle Octopus and myself have had enough. I have had enough of the noise and Crinkle has had enough of the biting. Chicken, on the other hand, cannot get enough of either. I called a meeting today to discuss the return of Ugly Cat but Chicken refused to attend unless Crinkle be allowed to sit in. I’m not convinced that she was giving me her full attention.
Ugly Cat disappeared a while ago and resurfaced months later looking rather worse for wear. He spoke to me in confidence, saying he had been on a secret fact-finding mission to Brussels; his remit being to gather information about what is happening with Brexit. Apparently, he came away a pauper and had to make his own way back home, travelling by night and hunting for his food. This explains his dishevelled appearance and drastic weight loss.
He suggested that he and I form a top secret organisation with the purpose of gathering our own information about what is going on in political circles here. I told him that I would seriously consider it, but that I felt it to be a tall order. If he couldn’t find out what was going on from Brussels, how was he expecting to find out from Downing Street? I’m not even sure that any information exists.
For the time being, I have decided not to tell Chicken about Ugly Cat’s secret mission. She will find it hard enough dealing with the return of Ugly Cat, without adding the additional trauma of Brexit.
At the meeting, I told her that Ugly Cat had been living feral for a long time, but was learning once more to live in a house. I hoped this would result in her showing a little more kindness towards him than she has in the past.
All is well in the world of Monty. Chicken has relocated to the settee with a rather sick looking Fairy, so I am back in my big bed with Ellie the Elephant.
Back where I belong.
You may also notice my lovely new Christmas blanket which Grandma and Grandad gave me for Christmas. Chicken also has one which should mean she won’t steal mine.
Chicken opening her Christmas blanket.
I am expecting a little ‘Chicken respite’ over the next few days as Chicken has a new boyfriend. His name is Crinkle Octopus, and to be honest, I think he has far too much to say for himself. I am hearing his crinkly voice in my sleep.
Can you spot the deliberate mistake?
What’s wrong? What’s wrong? I shall tell you. There are two beds: one large, one small. There are two greyhounds: one large, one small. There are two greyhound brains: one large, one small. How did it happen that the small greyhound with the small brain ended up in the large bed? The large greyhound is rather perturbed. To say the least.
Putting that business aside, I am in an excellent mood preparing for Father Christmas. He is expected at my house before dawn tomorrow and I have already layed out a range of suitable refreshments for him and his reindeer. Chicken does not fully support the notion of rewarding the reindeer as she has not yet forgiven Rudolf for something that he didn’t do two years ago. Or some such nonsense.
We have had a bit of a rollercoaster ride over the last few months involving, amongst other things, general anesthetics, but we are now back on the horse so to speak. Chicken is beside herself with excitement and refusing to go to sleep so I’m anticipating a very long night. Until tomorrow then my friends……….
MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOU ALL
Monty The Great