My lovely Monty was being all nice to me and then he did stealing and he did steal my chicken!
I was sad.
Then The Fairy did say that my special incompetence medicine was in the bits of chicken that fat Monty stole and it was important.
I did go to Monty and did say he had all eaten my special incompetence medicine and I did want it back. The Fairy told him that it had special lady hormones in it but Monty did say he was fine and it had all not affected him.
Fat Monty stole my chicken. I did laughing.
Categories: Chicken, Greyhounds
SAD AND THEN HAPPY STORY
Once upon a there was a cat who was very poor. He was so poor that he did not all have a home and he did not have a food bowl and he did not have any toys and he was so poor that he did not even have a wheelbarrow to all call his own. Because he was poor he could only afford tiny little legs and not big proper legs so his tummy was always near on the floor. He did live in the outside with the rubbish, and the other cats was mean to him and he was scared.
Crumb Bum now has his own pot
Then one day the lady from the second-hand cat hotel did come with a shopping trolley and did take the scared cat to the hotel in the shopping trolley. They did give him a chip. I does think they were mean to give him just one chip and they could have given him a full bag.
The poor cat was very scared and then Auntie Sister did get him and take him to her house and he did hide for weeks and weeks and weeks. Then one day he did fall in love with Auntie Sister and did want cuddles and kisses all the time and at last he was happy happy. He grew proper big legs so his tummy was all not on the floor anymore and he did also get a name. He is all called Crumb Bum because he has crumbs on his bum.
The End by Chicken
Monty did say that a lot of the peoples in the government has lost their whippets.
The End by Chicken
We did go for a walks and when we did go passed the house that doesn’t all cut the grass, we did see loads of hoppy hop grasshoppers. One did hop onto my Monty’s back and Monty did takes it for a long walk around the block. The Fairy did worry that it would be lost and lonely and I did say it was its own fault.
Then The Fairy did say she was all going to do work on the Mud Head and Monty was so hoppy happy that he did start hopping around the garden.
My Monty keeping me safety safe
Then the Your Rope rubbish did gets worse and Monty did get hopping mad with it all and we did all ignore him. He is working on a plan.
The Fairy did move the patty chairs to the side of the patty near the fence and Ugly Cats and Kitten did use them to come into my garden and look at me all mean. I did tell Monty that they was being mean to me and he did stay next to me to all keeps me safe.
No suspenders available due to Brexit
Monty did say that Doris Bohnson has asked for some suspenders. I did go to look in the wardrobe but The Fairy did say that they would not fits her anymore so they would definitely not fits Doris. He does need to finds a different way to stops himself being embarrassed because there is all no suspenders in Britain because of Brexit. Nobody does want to see his pants.
The stupid kitten with Ugly Cats does keep coming in my garden. My garden is getting beautiful because me and The Fairy is doing work and the stupid kitten does keep coming to looks. Lots of lots of animals does come to look and I does have a new friend called Parsley who is my friend he is shy.
Monty did say it was all time to do my garden because it is a long time since we has no Mud Head. He does still wants his Mud Head.
Today this morning I did gets a holiday postcard from Willy Tick. He is in Grimsby.
Ice ice cake in my water bowl
Monty donty bum bum did tell me that we does have a new Prime Ministers called Doris Bohnson. I does not care because I is too busy being hot. The Fairy did make me a ice ice cake in my water bowl but it did disappear and I did know it was Monty who did eating my cake so I did kick him in the head.
Laurel and Hardy
Laurel and Hardy the two pigeons does keep coming for water and food. Monty is complaining but I does like them because they do making me laugh. I did also see stupid Ugly Cats the other day yesterday and he did have a stupid other cats with him who was skinny and little and stupid and they did look at me all mean.
Monty did say that they wouldn’t dare come into my garden and he would keep me safety safe, so he is my big hero.
Monty had a tick on his willy.
The Fairy did take if off because she does know how to all take them off dogs and children and Monty did behave like a baby.
The Fairy did say: How did I get to a point in life where I is taking ticks off Monty’s willy? She did then run outside and throw it over the fence into Next Door’s garden. They was out shopping.
So close, yet …….
The Fairy did do lots of complaining about it and then Grandad did come and force her to cut the grass because he did say two foot is two foot too long for a lawn. I did say that I did always know that two feets is rubbish but four feets is best. Then I dids have to do loads of big work tidying up the garden and I does blame Monty and his stupid tick.
Arky Parky did do visiting and I did try to steal his beer and he did say NO NO NO and I did say BUM BUM BUM.
So I win.
My upset Monty
Monty did get smacked in the face by a black cat. The cat was rude. We did all not know the new cat and it did come running up to us to say friendly hello and then it did just smack my lovely Monty in the face for no reason. Monty did pretending that he was not all upset and he was upset I does know.
I did go out to look for Foxy because Foxy lives in the field and I did want to ask him about the smelly ferret but I did not find Foxy. I has seen Ugly Cats and he does still look scruffy bum and he is still stupid smelly, but now he does not go outs in the dark dark anymore and I does not know why. I also does not care.
Monty has all been watching the news on the tellybox all the times because he does say the Brexit government is very quite important. I has decided not to watch any Brexit tellybox things because it does BORE MY HEAD OFF.
I is now going to look after Monty’s red face now.
Ugly Cats has been living with a ferret.
I did say to Monty that ferrets smell and Ugly Cats smells and he should all go back to his smelly ferret. Monty donty did say I had to be kind to him because he had all been out in the field and I did say bum.
At this Christmas I did sleep in the comfy big bed and eats nice foody food and gets lovely presents so I is happy. Ugly Cats is even more ugly than he used to be and now he has big scratches on him and scruffy fuzz hair. I did say it was his own fault for being next to a ferret in a field and Monty did say again that I did have to be kind, so I did tell Monty to go and live with the smelly ferret if he does love him so much.
Crinkle and me together is all thinking of a plan to get rids of the smelly ferret and Ugly Cats. They is smelly and ugly. BOOM! BOOM!
I have been all waiting for the Easter Bunny for days and more days but I has not seen him. Monty dids say the Easter Bunny is magic quiet so I woulds not hear him. I does not know why he is being all quiet because I does just want to play with him and take care of him and not eat him. Monty did say that dogs does not get chocolate anyways. Bum.
I am still doing looking after Monty and Monty is doing playing with me. He does get rough now that his poorly foot is not poorly and I does have to get out the way. Tomorrow is a special Easter day in the Easter time so The Fairy is making a special dinner. Monty does think we will all gets the special dinner as well even though we is still on the stupid diet. I am super excited.
Being kind to fat Monty.
Happy Easter to all you lovely people and doggies and other things. ❤️
Big Foot with dog biscuit crumbs
In the morning the other day morning Monty did say he was feeling poorly foot and I did look at it and his poorly foot was twice as big as his not bigger other foot. I did call him Big Foot and he did say Big Foot was not real and my Ghost Cat was not real and I dids shouting but Big Foot Monty was too painful to answer. So I dids show him the writing from the internetty and the man had film of the ghost cat.
So I win.
Peoples has all seen one.
Poor Monty Big Foot
I did go to tell The Fairy that Monty was Big Foot and Monty did get mad because then he dids have to go to the vets. Everybody was all worried and I was sad for my poorly Big Foot Monty.
The vet did fix his big foot and he did have the fur shaved off and he does look silly. I did missing him when he was at the vetty vet.
When he did coming home he was sleepy sleepy so I did cheer him all ups by telling him a bedtime story called The Bremen Musicians And The Tower With The Sausage Tower. It did take two hours to tell it all properly.