SAD AND THEN HAPPY STORY
Once upon a there was a cat who was very poor. He was so poor that he did not all have a home and he did not have a food bowl and he did not have any toys and he was so poor that he did not even have a wheelbarrow to all call his own. Because he was poor he could only afford tiny little legs and not big proper legs so his tummy was always near on the floor. He did live in the outside with the rubbish, and the other cats was mean to him and he was scared.
Crumb Bum now has his own pot
Then one day the lady from the second-hand cat hotel did come with a shopping trolley and did take the scared cat to the hotel in the shopping trolley. They did give him a chip. I does think they were mean to give him just one chip and they could have given him a full bag.
The poor cat was very scared and then Auntie Sister did get him and take him to her house and he did hide for weeks and weeks and weeks. Then one day he did fall in love with Auntie Sister and did want cuddles and kisses all the time and at last he was happy happy. He grew proper big legs so his tummy was all not on the floor anymore and he did also get a name. He is all called Crumb Bum because he has crumbs on his bum.
The End by Chicken
Monty did say that a lot of the peoples in the government has lost their whippets.
The End by Chicken
Britain has won the Global Voting Competition, coming first in almost every category including: Most Frequent Voting; Best Excuse For Voting; Worst Excuse For Voting; Most Meaningless Vote, and Greatest Number Of Repeated Votes For Exactly The Same Thing. It was also awarded the Country Most Likely To Have Another Vote Before The End Of The Day trophy.
We are all feeling very proud.
We recently spent the day with Sister at Grandma and Grandad’s house, as I am supervising the building of a new pond. It dawned on me that whilst we see Sister, we no longer visit her house. I was perplexed by this, so surreptitiously sent Chicken to mingle with them to see if she could glean some information regarding this matter.
Who wouldn’t eat the crumble?
I will not pretend that I understood everything that Chicken said, but she appeared to be reporting that Sister always has a fruit crumble in her house, and The Fairy is worried – quite rightly, I concede – that Chicken and I would eat it.
I have called a meeting with The Fairy to clarify some of the finer points. Sister is always so kind to us, that I find it difficult to believe she would object to us eating the crumble. If need be, we will have a vote to settle the issue of visiting Sister’s house.
Today all day it is Friday the 13th. Monty did say it was all just a normal day and that he would all looks after me anyways, but I did say it was unlucky. Monty did say we was all the luckiest people in the world in our unit and so I dids feel betterer. The Fairy did try to go backs to sleep on the settee but Monty stabbed her in the eyeball with his nails and this did help to get her ups.
Today we is going to Sister’s house to get extra cheese snacks and see Talking Cats. Talking Cats lives on the windowsill and does say ‘hello‘ and other things but I did say that I is amazed that he can gets a word in edgeways with The Fairy and Sister doing the chattering all the time. Monty did say I was all not allowed to be rude and I did say get lost. I is going to ask Talking Cats why cats behave funny, and I is going to tell him about being enraged.
The Fairy has all decidered to fill in the gooder trenches that I have made and it is all Monty’s fault. He was all just standing still in the very early today watchering the pigeons on the big roof, and then he did suddenly just fall in a trench for no reason. Monty did say there all had been another earthquake but I did say that nobody else feels Monty’s earthquakes and I did thinks he just can’t control his own legs. He did say that his legs were all ‘a natural result of 8000 years of royal lineage and perfectly formed’ and I did say maybe so but they is in the way.
I did tell him that he would have to organise his legs betterer when we both do sleep in the same bed and he did runned away looking scared. BOOM! BOOM!