Monthly Archives: January 2017

179. A Week Is A Long Time In Politics – by Monty

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Forest Gump could not have caught me.

A week, as they say, is a long time in politics. A fortnight is even longer, and three weeks is tantamount to a lifetime. Britain is about to leave Your Rope; Mr Farage has just left Britain; Mr Trump has just become President Trump, and Mrs May has just bought a new dress.

But three weeks in politics is but a snippet compared to three weeks in the same dwelling unit as an angry Chicken.

I am already sick of 2017. Sick as a parrot.

For the first few days she refused to speak to me on the grounds that it would be inappropriate to fratenise with single men now that she was married to Mr Gingerbread-Snowman.¬†Within ten days she had divorced him on the grounds of boredom, and begun a new relationship with a stuffed raccoon. Mr Gingerbread-Snowman and I were then able to become acquainted as Chicken wasn’t interested in either of us.

It was at this point that she re-established the lines of communication with yours truly, in order to tell me that she was sending me to Coventry on the grounds of unreasonable behaviour based on the fact that I had forgotten that all toys are hers.

I told The Fairy to tell Chicken that I was unable to travel to Coventry as my calendar was too full. Chicken told The Fairy to tell me to get lost, but The Fairy was too polite to pass the message on.

All my efforts at friendship were met with cold shoulders and rather unnecessary bad language, so I decided to concentrate on carrying out some maintenance work on my race track. Although there were some minor incidences of interference, for the most part she ignored me in favour of her new beau. Ridiculous!

I decided to remind her how fast I am because I know she finds this particular attribute irresistible. Casting caution to the wind, I repeatedly sprinted at full speed around my track, thereby rendering myself far more attractive than Raccoon.

She didn’t say it out loud, but I think she was secretly impressed.

Monty

Categories: Greyhounds, Monty | Tags: ,

178. Calculation: Harder Than It Looks – by Monty

I appear to have miscalculated with regards to Chicken’s wishes. I am surprised about this, as I rarely miscalculate. I thought she would have loved to have met Rudolf, but before his visit, it came to light that she wasn’t very pleased at all. Actually, she was furious. As was he, when I told him that he would no longer be having a five course meal at my house. Apparently, he had been starving himself for three days in anticipation of the feast.

Chicken is still angry that we didn’t get married on Christmas Eve and blames Rudolf. Although I can understand her feelings towards him, I think it is very unfair of her to also blame me, as I have done nothing wrong, and was planning on marrying her in the near future. When I told her this, she informed me that she had married someone else. Can you believe it?

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Who wouldn’t want to marry me?

At first I was very hurt, but when I found out that she had married a stuffed toy I felt a bit better. Gingerbread Snowman does not compare to me. I’ve been through this before with Jurgen Klopp. Sooner or later she’ll realise that I’m a good catch and come running back. I intend to launch a full scale charm offensive in the morning.

New Year’s Eve was rather spoilt by fireworks, as was New Year’s Day. On my estate, it is customary to celebrate most days with fireworks. I do not understand nor like this situation, and I’m hoping tonight will be quieter.

The new year has started and I’ve contacted the government to suggest that it be called 2017. I’d like to thank all my followers and readers for supporting me and wish you all the best for the coming year.

Monty The Great

 

Categories: Greyhounds, Monty | Tags: , , ,

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