Monthly Archives: December 2016

177. Get Lost – by Chicken

Early in today’s morning I did go out for a walks and I was Miss Chicken. Then I did meets Ugly Cats and he did say he was all upset that he hadn’t been invited to my house for the special event.

So I did say he was not all coming to my wedding because he does look at me all mean and he does want to come in my garden and steal my toys. Then he did say he didn’t even ever know about my wedding and that he was all talking about Rudolf’s visit that Monty had arranged for my big surprise.

Then I did try to eats him.

Then I did go home and did kick Monty in the head and I did say to him get lost.

Then I did get married.

To my lovely crunchy gingerbread snowman new Christmas toy because I does love him more than I does love Monty and Monty is in the dog house.

Then Monty did all try to be nice to me and I did say …….


Too late Monty. 

Mrs C Gingerbread-Snowman


Categories: Chicken, Greyhounds | Tags: , ,

176. How To Score Points With Chicken – by Monty

I feel very bad about postponing the wedding, and I know that poor Chicken was very sad. She was very excited about having Father Christmas and Rudolf there but was so disappointed when it didn’t happen, that I have decided to give her a little surprise on New Year’s Eve to try to make up for it.

I have invited Rudolf over for tea! I expect she’ll be thrilled.

Father Christmas can’t make it due to a prior engagement, but at least Chicken will be able to meet Rudolf in person. If I’m not mistaken, and I rarely am, I think they will get on very well.

Let’s hope there aren’t any fireworks to spoil the night.

Monty 🐾🎄🐾

Categories: Greyhounds, Monty | Tags: , ,

175. Crunchy Gingerbread Snowman – by Chicken


Christmas Chicken 

I is having a great Christmas and I is having a lot of much goody food. I all did not get my baby rabbit but I did all get a lovely crunchy gingerbread man who is a snowman and he does have a crunchy body and a squeaky head.

Father Christmas did give him to me and I does love Father Christmas but I does not love Rudolf anymore still because he did ruin my big wedding day. Monty did say he had a big special surprise for me on New Year’s Eve so I does know it is my new wedding day and Monty is planning a special big special wedding for me. Rudolf is not coming but Father Christmas is all allowed to come.

Today we did go for walks in the frosty white outside. The Fairy did look silly because she did keeps slipping and I did not slip. So I win.

Chicken ❤️🎄❤️

Categories: Chicken, Greyhounds | Tags: , , ,

174. The Art Of Opening Presents – by Monty

There is an art to opening presents. Chicken and I are particularly skilled in this area, as we receive many presents and therefore have had a great many opportunities to hone our skills.

Something that one needs to guard against, is the strange practice that people have of taking away the actual present once the wrapping paper has been dispatched. A commonly heard phrase is, “You can’t eat it like that.”

What follows here is a demonstration of how to recover said stolen property.

Monty 🐾🎄🐾

Categories: Greyhounds, Monty | Tags:

173. Merry Christmas – by Monty


Happy Chicken

Chicken got up this morning at 6.45am to check if Father Christmas had been.

She’d also got up at 5.30am, 4.15am, 3.00am and 1.55am, which was only two hours after she’d first gone to sleep. Everyone in the house is exhausted.

Except Chicken.

We were very fortunate, in that Father Christmas had indeed visited us as promised. He brought us some lovely treats and a noisy toy each. We are both very pleased.

I had a trying but satisfactory couple of days working with him and his reindeer, and found him to be benevolent and extremely jolly. It was a humbling experience and I performed the necessary duties better than anyone else would have been able to.

Fortunately, Rudolf recovered as if by magic just a few hours before takeoff. Personally, I do not believe he was as injured as he made out. It is entirely possible that he just fancied a day off but panicked when he realised that one of his peers was about to take the reins, so to speak.


Happy Monty

Chicken is having a great day, and is currently wearing a Father Christmas hat. She has been pretending to be him all day, and has perfected the Ho! Ho! Ho!



Chicken and I would like to wish everybody a Merry Christmas. We hope you all had a lovely day.

Monty 🐾🎄🐾

Categories: Greyhounds, Monty | Tags: ,

172. Monty Is All Spending Much Too Much Time With Rudolf – by Chicken

Today I was big sad but then my Monty did come back and I was not sad. Rudolf’s nose did get better and I does think it was Father Christmas with his magic like I did asked in my letter.

Then I was big mad because I did not have my wedding.

Then I was excited because Monty did say that Father Christmas was going to bring us a present because Monty did help him. I does hope it’s my baby rabbit that I will look after him and play with him and not eat him. Now I all cannot sleep so I is going to stay awake all night to wait for Father Christmas to come down the chimney.

Then it was all bigger exciting because Monty did say that he did have an extra special surprise for me on New Year’s Eve and I does not know what it is and I does know that that is our new wedding day! It is all going to be the best wedding day EVER.

Then I did decided to kiss my Monty but then I did stop because his nose did look funny wrong. He did spend much too much very a lot of time with stupid Rudolf and Rudolf’s nose did rub off on him. Stupid Rudolf.


Monty The Red-nosed Greyhound 

Chicken xxx

Categories: Chicken, Greyhounds | Tags: , , ,

171. I Is All Going To Get Him – by Chicken


I is so sad without my wedding

Stupid, fat-head, red-nosed Rudolf has ruined my beautiful wedding by going and all breaking his own nose. I is so angry that I is spitting out feathers. Monty has all said he is helping Father Christmas so I does have to be on my own and not married.

Monty did say I did have to stop being a dress sieve and be all grown up instead and I did say that when I does catch Rudolf I is going to break his legs.

Then I did write my letter to Father Christmas.

Dear Father Christmas,

I has all been a goody girl and for Christmas please can I have a tramp and lean, thirty-seventy-four-two roll sausages in a bag, and a baby rabbit that I can play with and look after him but not eat him. Also, please make Rudolf’s big ugly nose better with your magic so that me and my lovely Monty can all get married on Christmas Eve. 

Love Chicken ❤️❤️❤️

Categories: Chicken, Greyhounds | Tags: , , ,

170. The Downside Of Altruism – by Monty

As you may know, I was very much looking forward to my upcoming wedding to Chicken which I have been planning for some time now. Nothing short of a global disaster was going to come between my bride and I.

Alas, such is fate!

I have terrible news to disseminate. News which will rock the very foundations of civilization.

I received a note from Father Christmas early this morning, informing me that he and Rudolf would be unable to attend my wedding on Christmas Eve. Naturally, I rang him immediately to ascertain the circumstances.

Rudolf has broken his nose. I jest not.

Father Christmas said that he was terribly worried, as it was essential that his sleigh be guided by night, and that Rudolf was the only one of his reindeer to hold the necessary qualifications. He went on to explain that he only had a few days to train a replacement and to apply for the required authorisation, without which they would not be allowed to fly.

He has several reindeer with the required number of solo flying hours under their belts, but none who have taken the lead role on a Christmas Eve, which is typically the busiest night of the year. He said that if he devoted his time to the training, he would not be able to complete the mountain of paperwork required by the Council, and if that wasn’t processed in time, he would not receive his flying permit. This would be disastrous for billions of children the world over.

Naturally, and without hesitation, I offered my services vis a vis the training. It was often said of me that I flew around the track, which I believe makes me the ideal candidate for the job. Father Christmas was extremely grateful for my offer of assistance, and after warning me that I would have to work right up until the moment he set off, officially engaged me as Head Coach.

I am honoured.

The downside to this altruism is that I have to postpone my Christmas Eve wedding. I sat Chicken down to explain the situation fully, and asked her to consider the wellbeing of little children everywhere. She was upset yes, but actually took the news quite well.

I am extremely proud to say that she reacted in a mature and understanding way. Bravo Chicken! 

Monty The Great, Head Coach to the house of Christmas

Categories: Greyhounds, Monty | Tags: , , , ,

169. I’m Doing What With The Who Now? – by Monty

Over the last year or so, I’ve grown used to Chicken’s quirky behaviour and rather unorthodox way of looking at things. Because of this, I’ve learnt to filter out half of what she says, and most of what she does. I find this a good policy. It saves me a lot of mental energy. However, ignoring what she is saying has its drawbacks as I have just discovered.

The Fairy and Chicken went shopping this morning, so I was left in charge. I took the opportunity to sweep the house for listening devices which may have been planted by Foxy, or indeed any of the local wildlife, whom I still do not trust.

During the first phase of my patrol, I came across a food list which included a carrot and walnut cake, which is my favourite. I initially thought Chicken was thinking of making me one for Christmas, but also on the list were 12 wedding favours. This didn’t make any sense to me, but for some reason caused me to feel a little uneasy.

The next thing I came across was a guest list, which included Father Christmas, Rudolf, Jurgen Klopp, PC Dave from the Station and Big Rabbit. I decided to ring Father Christmas to ask about it, and he confirmed that he had indeed received a wedding invitation, though didn’t have time to explain, as obviously he is extremely busy at the moment. As I was curious as to who was getting married, I then decided to ring PC Dave.

He appeared to be speaking in some sort of police code, and cryptically warned me not to let Chicken know that I had forgotten my own big day. My big day? By this time I was very worried, as I felt instinctively that I should know who was getting married, and had a sneaking suspicion that it was me!


Can I organise this in four days?

Chicken then returned from shopping, saying that she had opted for the Audrey Hepburn look, but that I wasn’t allowed to see. She threw down a copy of Bride magazine and went off into the kitchen to talk to The Fairy. I only just managed to drag myself into my office before collapsing.

Had I agreed to a Christmas Eve wedding without realising it? Was that possible? I want to marry her of course; she’s pretty, loving, funny and enthusiastic about everything, but I had rather imagined that I would be in complete control of the planning of the event.

For starters, how am I going to organise a suitable honeymoon in only four days?

Monty The Worried

Categories: Greyhounds, Monty | Tags: , , , , ,

168. The Importance Of Administrative Diligence – by Monty

I am very excited. Father Christmas has contacted me to say that he and Rudolf will stop by to congratulate Chicken and I on Christmas Eve. I presume he has heard of our new racetrack and wants to have a look for himself with regards to using the facility during the year for his reindeer.

Chicken is very pleased about this and says it will be the most perfect day. She is so sweet.

As you may know, I like to have everything in order. For this reason, I went through my finances yesterday to ensure all was well, so that I may enjoy the Christmas period with no administrative worries. It is a good job that I did, as there was an error on my credit card bill.

I have been charged for an issue of Bride magazine. I rang the company to complain but they tried to tell me that it was a legitimate purchase which had already been dispatched. They refused to entertain the idea of involving the police, suggesting instead that I check with other members of the household.

I have written to the Chancellor of the Exchequer.


Categories: Greyhounds, Monty | Tags: ,

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