As you may know, I was very much looking forward to my upcoming wedding to Chicken which I have been planning for some time now. Nothing short of a global disaster was going to come between my bride and I.
Alas, such is fate!
I have terrible news to disseminate. News which will rock the very foundations of civilization.
I received a note from Father Christmas early this morning, informing me that he and Rudolf would be unable to attend my wedding on Christmas Eve. Naturally, I rang him immediately to ascertain the circumstances.
Rudolf has broken his nose. I jest not.
Father Christmas said that he was terribly worried, as it was essential that his sleigh be guided by night, and that Rudolf was the only one of his reindeer to hold the necessary qualifications. He went on to explain that he only had a few days to train a replacement and to apply for the required authorisation, without which they would not be allowed to fly.
He has several reindeer with the required number of solo flying hours under their belts, but none who have taken the lead role on a Christmas Eve, which is typically the busiest night of the year. He said that if he devoted his time to the training, he would not be able to complete the mountain of paperwork required by the Council, and if that wasn’t processed in time, he would not receive his flying permit. This would be disastrous for billions of children the world over.
Naturally, and without hesitation, I offered my services vis a vis the training. It was often said of me that I flew around the track, which I believe makes me the ideal candidate for the job. Father Christmas was extremely grateful for my offer of assistance, and after warning me that I would have to work right up until the moment he set off, officially engaged me as Head Coach.
I am honoured.
The downside to this altruism is that I have to postpone my Christmas Eve wedding. I sat Chicken down to explain the situation fully, and asked her to consider the wellbeing of little children everywhere. She was upset yes, but actually took the news quite well.
I am extremely proud to say that she reacted in a mature and understanding way. Bravo Chicken!
Monty The Great, Head Coach to the house of Christmas
Oh, good luck, M. You are big-hearted to put the kiddies’ happiness above your own. Christmas is in good paws….
Love and licks,
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