Monthly Archives: March 2019

239. Do Chicken And Fish Go Together? – by Monty

Posted on March 23, 2019 by Mydogslife

Today I led an outdoor excursion to the lake. My intention was simply to verify its continued existence and then to get straight back in the car for safety. I had no desire to walk all the way around it. I had no desire to walk a hundred yards. A noise could have occurred at any moment.

Recognising my decision, The Fairy decided to let Chicken off the lead to run up and down so she could get some exercise. Chicken has separation anxiety so always comes back. Like a boomerang. Separation anxiety she may have; brains she does not.

Chicken ran around a bit and then launched herself straight into the lake. She flew about five yards, overshot the shallows and sank like a stone. The Fairy was about to go in after her, when Chicken resurfaced and actually managed to swim ashore. She thought it was hilarious. I thought it was the most reckless thing she has done so far.  Which I told her. Repeatedly.

On the plus side, we had to go back home straight away because Chicken was cold.

Chicken and fish do NOT go together.

Monty The Great

Categories: Greyhounds, Monty | Tags: ,

238. Brexit Meeting Results In A Big Step Forward – by Monty

Posted on March 16, 2019 by Mydogslife
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Demand for sandwiches will increase dramatically when we leave Europe

Having scheduled my private Brexit meeting for 7pm last night, I quite rightly ordered refreshments from The Fairy. She agreed to provide food and drink as long as I paid her in advance, which I did.

As 7pm approached I was alerted to the fact that having accepted the contract to provide said refreshments, The Fairy did not, in fact, have any food available. She said she could provide sandwiches and sausage rolls the following day but I decided to recoup my money instead. Needless to say, I was furious.

Some might say it was my own fault for not thoroughly checking her capacity to fulfill the contract, but I would counter by asking: WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND WOULD AGREE TO PROVIDE SOMETHING THEY KNEW THEY DIDN’T HAVE? She had no food. I say again people – NO FOOD.

Of my money, there is no trace. On top of that, Chicken was very angry that she had not been given a chance to bid for the refreshments contract and has filed a claim for compensation, citing lost potential earnings.

Despite these distractions, I got my meeting underway on time. I managed to push through a motion to schedule further meetings, which I’m sure you will agree is a big step forward.  Chicken said this decision is non-binding as it was not subject to any consultation process. For goodness’ sake!

Next she’ll be saying that Leave doesn’t actually mean Leave. It’s a good job she’s not in charge of the Brexit negotiations.

Monty The Great

Categories: Greyhounds, Monty | Tags: , ,

237. Brexit: Not As Easy As It Looks – by Monty

Posted on March 13, 2019 by Mydogslife
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Is it time for me to take control?

I have decided to take charge of the Brexit negotiations myself. I think it prudent, given the circumstances. As a starting point, I called a meeting.

Chicken immediately declared herself in charge of calling the meeting, and registered an objection on the grounds that it would be boring. I called for a vote.

For: 1    Against: 1

I then said that Big Ted should be allowed a vote and the ballot was recast.

For: 2   Against: 2

Crinkle Octopus.

I then decided to throw the vote open to the public and sent out ballot cards to everyone of any importance. Ugly Cat, Grey Cat, Lion Cat, Floor Cat, Window Cat, Cow Cat, Old Cat and Tiger Cat With A Collar. Hedgehog, Mouse, Fox, Pigeon 1, Pigeon 2, Magpie, Robin, Frog and Mia the Doberman who lives down the road and fancies me. Chicken said Pug had to be included as well because he fancies her.

Having sent out ballot papers to all involved, I received the following replies:

Hedgehog was highly offended that his fleas had been ignored and is refusing to vote until each and every one of them has received a ballot paper.

Mouse, Pigeon 1, Pigeon 2, Magpie and Robin objected to the inclusion of Fox and all the cats, citing the possibility of them being eaten as soon as they turned up to vote.

Mia and Pug said they would be happy to vote if we would also invite them around for a romantic meal.

Ugly Cat said that all the cats would be happy to vote as long as he be able to cast two votes. WHAT?

To overcome these problems, I declared the vote to be of the postal variety. I delegated the job of counting to Chicken.

For: 1    Against: 17,384.

As not having a meeting to discuss my plans is a terrible plan, I have decided to go ahead and have the meeting anyway, despite the rather dubious results of the vote. It’s in the best interest of the country.

Chicken has given her permission for the meeting to go ahead, as long as it doesn’t interfere with her watching Shakespeare & Hathaway – Private Investigators.

Priorities people. PRIORITIES

Monty The Great

Categories: Greyhounds, Monty | Tags: , , , , , ,

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