I would like to dedicate this post to all the wonderful and brave people in the NHS, emergency services, social care and key workers who are still going out to work to help us all. THANK YOU ❤️
Monty The Great
Posts Tagged With: Food
258. Monty Stole My Chicken – by Chicken
My lovely Monty was being all nice to me and then he did stealing and he did steal my chicken!
I was sad.
Then The Fairy did say that my special incompetence medicine was in the bits of chicken that fat Monty stole and it was important.
I did go to Monty and did say he had all eaten my special incompetence medicine and I did want it back. The Fairy told him that it had special lady hormones in it but Monty did say he was fine and it had all not affected him.
Fat Monty stole my chicken. I did laughing.
Miss Monty
Chicken xxx
Categories: Chicken, Greyhounds
Tags: Food
250. Stop Making A Meal Of It – by Monty
I’m sure that, like me, you are riveted to the ongoing Brexit negotiations. Chicken’s interest is now waning after an initially enthusiastic start. I can see her point. They are making it out to be a lot more complicated than it is. As far as I can see, we have three options.
1. Forget the whole thing, remain part of Europe whilst quietly dispensing with the whole silly democracy thing, and go about our daily lives with renewed energy.
2. Leave Europe but remain close by and go about our daily lives with renewed energy. Chicken suggested settling the country just off the coast of Norway.
3. Leave Europe, put a large distance between us and go about our daily lives with renewed energy. Chicken suggested moving closer to Panama where some of our tax revenue is held in off-shore accounts, but has recently changed her mind when she realised there would be many more 35 degree days.
All round English hero
That’s it. That’s all there is to it and I really believe they should stop making a meal of it. If a meal is going to be made; let it be of steak and cake. Possibly also sausages and ice cream.
The Fairy and Chicken are both making plans to marry Ben Stokes, all round English hero. Yet again, I fail to see the attraction.
Two legs.
He’s only got TWO LEGS.
Monty The Great
Categories: Greyhounds, Monty
Tags: Food, Politics
238. Brexit Meeting Results In A Big Step Forward – by Monty
Demand for sandwiches will increase dramatically when we leave Europe
Having scheduled my private Brexit meeting for 7pm last night, I quite rightly ordered refreshments from The Fairy. She agreed to provide food and drink as long as I paid her in advance, which I did.
As 7pm approached I was alerted to the fact that having accepted the contract to provide said refreshments, The Fairy did not, in fact, have any food available. She said she could provide sandwiches and sausage rolls the following day but I decided to recoup my money instead. Needless to say, I was furious.
Some might say it was my own fault for not thoroughly checking her capacity to fulfill the contract, but I would counter by asking: WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND WOULD AGREE TO PROVIDE SOMETHING THEY KNEW THEY DIDN’T HAVE? She had no food. I say again people – NO FOOD.
Of my money, there is no trace. On top of that, Chicken was very angry that she had not been given a chance to bid for the refreshments contract and has filed a claim for compensation, citing lost potential earnings.
Despite these distractions, I got my meeting underway on time. I managed to push through a motion to schedule further meetings, which I’m sure you will agree is a big step forward. Chicken said this decision is non-binding as it was not subject to any consultation process. For goodness’ sake!
Next she’ll be saying that Leave doesn’t actually mean Leave. It’s a good job she’s not in charge of the Brexit negotiations.
Monty The Great
Categories: Greyhounds, Monty
Tags: Food, Politics, Your Rope
230. Worst Greyhound Owner EVER! – by Monty
Chicken’s tenth birthday was on the 19th of July. My tenth birthday was three weeks later. The Fairy forgot Chicken’s birthday. She suddenly realised her mistake a few weeks later, apologised, and promised to have a joint party for both of us on my birthday.
My birthday came and went without acknowledgment. I had cleared my diary for the purpose of celebrating in style, only to find absolutely no evidence at all of any kind of social event, gift giving ceremony or newspaper announcement.
Thank goodness for Arky and Grandma. Arky provided Chicken and I with a stunning selection of steaks. I ate mine – Chicken just sucked hers down all in one go. Chew your food I tell her – you’ll enjoy it more.
Then came the creme de la creme of presents: The Desperate Dan Cow Pie. It also contained pork and green beans. This wonderful invention was delivered to us by Grandma and Grandad. Grandma had baked this pie because she loves us, but also because she felt sorry for us, as the one who takes care of us had completely forgotten.
The Fairy is trying to get back into our good books and has offered an array of excuses, none of which compensate for her total lack of good owner credentials.
The Desperate Dan Cow Pie
I cannot help feeling that I have taken my eye off the ball with regards to on-going owner training. I shall have to start a new training programme, with a view to kicking her back into shape.
Monty The Great
Categories: Greyhounds, Monty
Tags: Food, Training
227. Happy Easter Everybody – by Chicken
I have been all waiting for the Easter Bunny for days and more days but I has not seen him. Monty dids say the Easter Bunny is magic quiet so I woulds not hear him. I does not know why he is being all quiet because I does just want to play with him and take care of him and not eat him. Monty did say that dogs does not get chocolate anyways. Bum.
I am still doing looking after Monty and Monty is doing playing with me. He does get rough now that his poorly foot is not poorly and I does have to get out the way. Tomorrow is a special Easter day in the Easter time so The Fairy is making a special dinner. Monty does think we will all gets the special dinner as well even though we is still on the stupid diet. I am super excited.
Being kind to fat Monty.
Happy Easter to all you lovely people and doggies and other things. ❤️
Chicken xxx
Categories: Chicken, Greyhounds
Tags: Easter, Food, Health
221. Pretty Day – by Chicken
BOOM! BOOM! I is back!
Monty did all not give me a Valen card so I did get sad and kick him in the head. Then I did complain and complain and I did go to tell The Fairy. She did say that sometimes people did forgetting and not to be too mad so I did only kick him in the head another one time.
Being extra pretty.
Then big Monty did say he would make me a special pretty flowers in my garden just for me in summer and he did say the flowers would be as pretty as me so I am all being extra pretty so I does get the best pretty summer flowers. He is my lovely Monty and he did forget my Valen card.
When I does go out in the outside to do walking I does always see a ghosty ghost cats. Monty did say I has to be careful my big image nation doesn’t all run away but the ghost cats doesn’t run away it is all still there. It is looking all skeleton and dirty and it does following me but it is all not as big as the big horses that do following me as well.
I is starving.
Chicken xxx
Categories: Chicken, Greyhounds
Tags: Cats, Food, Gardening
220. Making The Most Of The Snow – by Monty
In the lead as usual.
I sincerely apologise for neglecting my communication duties. I do hope that everyone is well. The thing is, I have only just regained consciousness after forgetting to send Chicken a Valentine’s Day card. We have decided unanimously never to speak of it again.
I feel a quick update of events is in order. Firstly, I received a letter from The House Of Commons. I have returned it unopened as it was incorrectly addressed simply to Monty. If the government wants my advice about something they can use my official title of Monty The Great.
Secondly, Chicken is convinced that she is being stalked by a ghost cat. I rang PC Dave at the Station to ask if there had been any other reports of said ghost cat, to which he replied in the negative. He has promised to keep his eye out for anything suspicious.
Thirdly, we are still caught in the nightmare that is the diet.
Lastly, I have called a meeting to discuss the refurbishment of my garden. I have big plans for this year with regards vegetables. Work will begin as soon as this snow has cleared. Until then, Chicken and I will make the most of it.
Monty The Great
Categories: Greyhounds, Monty, The help
Tags: Cats, Food, Gardening, Health, Local police, Politics
209. Ode To Monty – by Chicken
I has all decidered to be lovely nice to my Monty because he has been special nice to me and he has been all looking after me and bringing me foody food. I did write this singing song for to show him that he is my favourite Monty.
MY BIG SONG
How fat is that doggy near the window?
That one with the wobbly tum.
How fat is that doggy near the window?
Just look at the size of his bum.
BOOM! BOOM!
My special big Monty
Chicken xxx
Categories: Chicken, Greyhounds
Tags: Food
208. Food Club – by Monty
We have been weighed. Between us, we have lost 200g which in real money is 8oz which in real life is ENOUGH. The Fairy is rather confused, but being in receipt of all relevant information, I fully comprehend the situation.
We have bested her. My superior intellect and highly advanced survival skills have ensured Chicken and I have not starved to death. It is not easy to keep a good dog down – and I happen to be Great.
As soon as I realised that the diet situation was to be ongoing, I formed a secret organization called FOOD CLUB.
The first rule of Food Club is: You do not talk about Food Club. The second rule of Food Club is: You do not talk about Food Club.
This being the case, and bearing in mind my absolute devotion to rules and regulations, I only intend to hint at my activities as a member of Food Club.
Stealth Operative
Let’s just say that the hedgehogs who have invaded my garden are not as big as they could have been, had they made it to the cake and peanut butter before I did. Let’s just say that The Fairy wasn’t loosing her mind when she couldn’t locate the digestives that she was sure she had purchased at the supermarket. Let’s just say, for arguments sake, that certain cupboards and a certain fridge freezer may not be as well stocked as they are believed to be.
On the plus side, my reputation as a stealth operative is completely intact.
Enough said.
Monty The Great
Categories: Greyhounds, Monty
Tags: Food, Health, Hedgehogs
Greyhounds In Charge 