Monthly Archives: April 2017

190. Manifesto Of The Next Prime Ministers – by Monty

Chicken and I think it is time to publish our manifesto. We have thought long and hard about what we want to achieve when we assume power, and feel confident that the British people will agree that our manifesto makes more sense than anyone else’s.

THE GREYHOUNDS IN CHARGE MANIFESTO

1. It will be illegal for any Council to insist upon planning permission for anything that any greyhound wishes to build.

2. All loud, medium and quiet noises shall be banned, unless said noise involves cooking.

3. Dog food shall be banned and replaced with steak.

4. Hedgehogs, birds, cats and foxes will be banned from entering our garden.

5. Taxes will be collected in steaks instead of money, and will be delivered to the Prime Ministers on a thrice daily basis.

6. Weeing shall become an official discipline in the Oil Limpets.

7. All lady greyhounds will be given a voucher for a free bikini, which will allow them to make ready for when we leave Your Rope for warmer climes.

I’m sure you will agree that we have dealt with the major issues facing our nation today. We are both 100% certain of victory, and this being the situation, have decided that we will not need to do much campaigning at all. In fact, we have decided to take a short holiday before taking up office. We shall be back in about a week, by which time we imagine most of the other candidates will have dropped out of the running.

Monty The Great and Stand Still Chicken, Prime Ministers in waiting

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189. Official Camping Photograph – by Chicken

My picture. I does think I is a better poster.

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Much more better than Monty’s

So I win.

Chicken xxx

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188. Official Campaign Photograph – by Monty

I have chosen my official campaign photograph which reflects my personality perfectly. It shows my high level of confidence in my own ability to run the country. Chicken says it makes me look lazy and disinterested, but what does she know? She hasn’t even had hers taken yet.

Monty The Great

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187. Snap Election Announcement – by Monty

I will admit to being taken totally off guard by the announcement that we are to have a General Election. I am pretty annoyed by this, as it means there is not enough time for me to apply to be the candidate for any of the main political parties. I rang the Government to complain, and was assured that my dissatisfaction would be relayed to Mrs May. She will probably ring me in the next few days to apologise.

Bob at the Council was pleased to hear from me when I rang him at 5.30am at home, to discuss the situation. He said that the only way I could run for election would be as an independent candidate, but that this would be difficult as I did not have an established party structure behind me.

Difficult – but not impossible.

I discussed the situation with Chicken over breakfast, and she announced that she also wanted to be the Prime Minister. Give me strength! I realised pretty quickly that she was not to be dissuaded, so presented to her a rather radical option.

Chicken and I are going to stand as a pair. The first ever duet candidates. We are standing on a platform of Two Heads Are Better Than One, for the recently established Greyhounds In Charge Party. Chicken insisted on standing on a platform of sausages and custard creams. I say again Рgive me strength.

We are both very excited about it, and are working on our manifesto which will be published in a few days. Chicken, showing an unexpected level of political awareness, has booked herself in to have her hair done before our official photographs are taken for our campaign posters.

I would like to predict a landslide victory, but do not want to give the impression that I am big-headed.

Monty The Great, Prime Minister in waiting.

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186. I Is NOT Incompetent – by Chicken

BOOM! BOOM!

I did go to see the vetty vet and Monty McDonty did not all go with me because he did have something important to do in his office and he didn’t come out his office so we left him.

Then the vetty vet did say I was incompetent and then she did try to give me a biscuit but I did decidered not to eat it because Monty did say he doesn’t eat anything the vetty vet does gives him until he has had it analysed for medicinal ingredients and determined it to be necessary. He did say the vetty vet tries to trick him into eating medicine but he doesn’t fall for it, so I did decide not to fall over either. The vetty vet did say she could give me medicine to make me non-incompetent so I is going to ask Monty if this is necessary.

When I did gets home I did tell Monty that the vet did say I was incompetent and he was all angry mad and did standing up for me so I does love him again today. He did say that telling young ladies that they is incompetent damages their self steam and limits their pot end shells. He did say he was going to give her a piece of his mind but he didn’t know when he would all get the time to go down there.

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Me being non-incompetent 

He did say I was not incompetent at all and that I was very competent and useful at times and that there was much things I was all goody at so I didn’t need to eat the medicine. I did ask him to tell me all the things I was goody at and he did say there was too many loads to mention. Then I did ask him to say just one thing that I was goody at and he did say it was all better if he did write everything down on a big list and he did go in his office to plan my big list.

He is still there.

Working on my big list.

Chicken

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