I will admit to being taken totally off guard by the announcement that we are to have a General Election. I am pretty annoyed by this, as it means there is not enough time for me to apply to be the candidate for any of the main political parties. I rang the Government to complain, and was assured that my dissatisfaction would be relayed to Mrs May. She will probably ring me in the next few days to apologise.
Bob at the Council was pleased to hear from me when I rang him at 5.30am at home, to discuss the situation. He said that the only way I could run for election would be as an independent candidate, but that this would be difficult as I did not have an established party structure behind me.
Difficult – but not impossible.
I discussed the situation with Chicken over breakfast, and she announced that she also wanted to be the Prime Minister. Give me strength! I realised pretty quickly that she was not to be dissuaded, so presented to her a rather radical option.
Chicken and I are going to stand as a pair. The first ever duet candidates. We are standing on a platform of Two Heads Are Better Than One, for the recently established Greyhounds In Charge Party. Chicken insisted on standing on a platform of sausages and custard creams. I say again – give me strength.
We are both very excited about it, and are working on our manifesto which will be published in a few days. Chicken, showing an unexpected level of political awareness, has booked herself in to have her hair done before our official photographs are taken for our campaign posters.
I would like to predict a landslide victory, but do not want to give the impression that I am big-headed.
Monty The Great, Prime Minister in waiting.