Monthly Archives: September 2016

149. Questions Arise Over Integrity Of The Watch


Amid rumours of internal conflict, backbiting and weak leadership, a newly formed vigilante group is today reeling from a fresh scandal involving the group’s Public Relations Officer.

The Watch, which is the first known official collaboration of its kind between cats and dogs, was rocked by controversy only days into its existence, when the group’s leader inexplicably withdrew from public view. Whilst an insider insisted that he was fully engaged in talks, others within the organisation expressed their dissatisfaction at his apparent lack of operational activity.

To add to the leader’s woes, one of his closest advisers has now been implicated in a scandal involving men’s unmentionables. Secret filming provided by an undisclosed source, appears to show the Public Relations Officer openly staring at these unmentionables, bringing the organisation’s moral standards into question.

When asked to comment on the footage, the PRO claimed that she was simply on guard duty, and was not aware at the time of any unmentionables being present. She added, “Bum, bum, bum, bum,” before springing off into the distance, in pursuit of what she insisted were pink hedgehogs.

It remains to be seen whether The Watch can survive this latest allegation, or whether the group will split into its two very different, cat and dog camps.

Categories: Greyhounds | Tags:

148. Trials And Tribulations – by Monty

After being subjected to seven days of bed rest, I was extremely excited about going out again. So you can imagine my annoyance at being told that it was then too hot to go out. After a further two days, we eventually made it out to the woods.

The pre-approved plan was to walk 20 minutes out, and 20 minutes back. The first stage went well, but the second stage degenerated into aimless wandering and back-tracking, covering a period of approximately 40 minutes. Not only was I subjected to a change of plan, I also had to endure one of the most severe downpours that I have ever experienced.

I do not do changes of plans, and I do not do rain. Which bit of this is difficult to understand?

In addition to these tribulations, I have also learnt from Grey Cat that the fox has been causing some trouble for The Watch. It somehow caught wind of our operations, and has made several attempts at a smear campaign, designed to discredit our integrity.

I am not particularly worried about this, as all our members are of the highest calibre, and would never behave in a manner unbecoming of those under my command.


Categories: Greyhounds, Monty | Tags: ,

147. If Only You Could See What I See – by Monty


Waiting for the ban to be lifted

There’s a pink hedgehog in my garden. It’s a hedgehog, and it’s pink. I have put in a request for night vision goggles.

Chicken intimated that I was seeing things, but The Fairy was with me and she also saw it. My pink hedgehog.

I am now back in the house but The Fairy has said that I can go out soon because my foot is better and the seven day ban on having fun of any kind is over.


Categories: Greyhounds, Monty | Tags: , ,

146. Press Release 2 – by Chicken


The foxy fox is still all on the estate and the little animals is all still worried because Monty McDonty is not doing any plans with  Ugly Face Cats, because he is not allowed out.

Monty McDonty is sad and annoyed when he doesn’t all go for walks, and he doesn’t all want anyone to know that he is not doing the patrols. He did say it was bad for more arm.

I did say it was bad for his arm as well. BOOM! BOOM!

He is beginnering to mutter to himself and does spend too much time in his office. I did try to keep his more arm up by telling him that I was bestest at catching foxes anyways, so I could all do the job, but this just made him worse.

I does think that he is suffering from cabin fever, but he did say he was not hotty hot, and that he didn’t all live in a cabin. Then he did go to talks to the tomatoes.

By Stand-Still-Chicken 

Public Relations Officer 

The Neighbours Hooded Wildlife Animal Fox Watch

Categories: Chicken, Greyhounds | Tags: , , ,

145. In Support Of Monty – by Chicken

Because Monty bum bum is not allowed to go walking, he is getting all grumpy and mad annoyed. I did say that he did have to takes it easy so I did try to takes it easy with him to helps him.

I did trying for a long time and then it was very too difficult to takes it easy, so I did jumpy jumps and did go for walks. But in between jumpy jumps and walkings, I did takes it easy with my Monty.

Monty did say thank you, but he did then also say that I wasn’t all allowed to leave the house with my slippers on, and that I definitely wasn’t all allowed to go to the supermarket in them. Bum.


All taking it easy

Categories: Chicken, Greyhounds | Tags:

144. Disproportionate Reaction – by Monty

I would like to confirm officially that I do indeed have a poorly foot, but it is nothing that I can’t handle. The vet advised seven days of bed rest, no jumping and no digging. Unfortunately, The Fairy has decided to follow this advice which means no walks. I have been unable to perform my security patrols and will not be able to do so for another five days. This comes at a time when the threat level is at Amber, due to the presence of the fox.


Total over-reaction 

In line with these restrictions, The Fairy has cordoned off the digging pit and most of the garden. She spoke briefly about “using this opportunity to kill two birds,” which suggests to me that her policy of attracting garden birds has been revoked. This kind of disproportionate reaction is exactly what I would expect of a civilian.

I am also inclined to believe that Bob at the Council has had some part in the restricted zone being implemented, as he made an unexpected visit last week, and made some derogatory comments about the racing ditch that Chicken and I are building. Our race track looks suspiciously level to me, but I cannot gain access to inspect it properly. Arky-Ollie-Just shares my concern for the track, as he has been watering it regularly for the past couple of days.

He is obviously keeping the ground moist for us, so that it will be easier to dig up again once the cordon comes down.


Categories: Greyhounds, Monty | Tags: , , , , ,

143. NHS Delivers Outstanding Care To Ailing Greyhound – by Chicken


Poorly foot Monty 

I has founded the National Hound Service to looks after poorly Monty. He did go to the vets and she did say that he had arthritis in his left wrist. She did give him some big medicine and did say he had to rest properly and then I did also say that he had to rest and that I would all look after him.

The Fairy did go to the shoppy shop and did buy me two presents because Monty donty is poorly. She did give me my first present and I did love it because it did squeak. Then on accident she did give Monty my other second present and it was a soft squirrel and it did make a different squeaky noise. I did take it off Monty because I did not all want him to hurt his hurty foot because I does love him.

Then I did tell Monty that I will tell him all about the walking when I go out because he is not allowed to come. Monty did say he was working in his office anyways, so I did say I would help him and he did say no.

Arky and The Fairy did say they does have a plan to help Monty to rest so Monty is all being looked after properly.

Chicken xxx

Categories: Chicken, Greyhounds | Tags:

142. First Meeting Of The Watch – by Monty

The first meeting of The Watch was well attended. I believe Ugly Cat must have informed everyone of the time and venue, as I know that I didn’t say a word. We had the meeting at dusk so that the nocturnal animals could partake.


A mole in the pit

It appears that many of them are afraid that the fox may eat them, and feel that it requires removal from the area. Those present included pigeons, magpies, garden birds, bats, frogs, spiders, a mole which surfaced in my digging pit and – against my advice – the hedgehog.

Chicken displayed a level of wisdom I had not expected, by suggesting that the birds sleep high up out of its reach, and the rest of them hide. The spiders were deemed not to be in too much danger, but chose to stay anyway, out of civic duty.

The hedgehog seems to be the most at risk, so I suggested he employ his arsenal of spikes to protect himself. He then said that I was useless, which prompted a rather severe reaction from Chicken. He was only saved by the quick thinking of The Fairy, who disrupted the meeting, saying it was too late to have friends round to play.

Ugly Cat insisted that the fox needed relocating, to allow the “present system of management to remain in place.” I’ll admit to being a little suspicious of this comment. My military training tells me there is more to the situation than is being discussed openly, a sentiment which I shared with Chicken.

She is now on the Internet, researching conspiracy theories.


Categories: Greyhounds, Monty | Tags: , , , ,

141. The Independent Olympic Games Closing Ceremony – by Monty

Both Chicken and I have fully enjoyed our Independent Olympic Games. I have decided not to count up medals, in the interest of friendship.

The ceremony begins with Chicken showing the spirit of love between competitors through the medium of modern dance, before my big entrance from the back of the auditorium.

We then simulate some of the events we took part in, like track running and jumping, though my digging display was obscured by the flowers.

There was a slight altercation towards the end due to Chicken not following my choreography, but I do not believe it detracts from how successful the performance was.


Categories: Greyhounds, Monty | Tags: , ,

Blog at

%d bloggers like this: