Totally camouflaged like E.T.
I am lying low whilst carrying out my own security investigation. It is possible that the phone lines to my office have been compromised, and that I am being spied upon. For this reason, I have set a trap and am lying in wait for the culprit. I suspect Chicken, but there are others in the vicinity who may be part of a larger conspiracy. I understand that I have been lax in my administrative duties recently, but I promise that I will complete it all as soon as I have verified the safety of the iPad.
Yesterday afternoon I indicated to The Fairy that I wished to go out on patrol. As per our agreement, she immediately began preparations. The task of putting our coats on is always problematic, due to the fact that Stand Still Chicken will not stand still.
The Fairy took Chicken’s coat off the stairs and eventually managed to tie her into it, despite Chicken jumping up and down. She then did the same with mine, except that I stood completely still with head slightly raised as recommended in the handbook How To Win Yourself A Home And Control Your Humans Once You Get There. The process was still difficult however, as Chicken was still jumping up and inflicting pain with her tail.
We made it to the bottom of the front garden before I realised that there was a serious problem. Hanging beneath me was a floppy white object which was interfering with my stride. In line with military procedure, I stopped dead.
To my absolute horror, a pair of white, ladies unmentionable undergarments was hanging from my coat, stuck to the Velcro.
DO I LOOK LIKE A CLOTHES HORSE TO YOU?
NO, I DO NOT. Hang your pants somewhere else.
I blame Chicken.