Is it time for me to take control?
I have decided to take charge of the Brexit negotiations myself. I think it prudent, given the circumstances. As a starting point, I called a meeting.
Chicken immediately declared herself in charge of calling the meeting, and registered an objection on the grounds that it would be boring. I called for a vote.
For: 1 Against: 1
I then said that Big Ted should be allowed a vote and the ballot was recast.
For: 2 Against: 2
I then decided to throw the vote open to the public and sent out ballot cards to everyone of any importance. Ugly Cat, Grey Cat, Lion Cat, Floor Cat, Window Cat, Cow Cat, Old Cat and Tiger Cat With A Collar. Hedgehog, Mouse, Fox, Pigeon 1, Pigeon 2, Magpie, Robin, Frog and Mia the Doberman who lives down the road and fancies me. Chicken said Pug had to be included as well because he fancies her.
Having sent out ballot papers to all involved, I received the following replies:
Hedgehog was highly offended that his fleas had been ignored and is refusing to vote until each and every one of them has received a ballot paper.
Mouse, Pigeon 1, Pigeon 2, Magpie and Robin objected to the inclusion of Fox and all the cats, citing the possibility of them being eaten as soon as they turned up to vote.
Mia and Pug said they would be happy to vote if we would also invite them around for a romantic meal.
Ugly Cat said that all the cats would be happy to vote as long as he be able to cast two votes. WHAT?
To overcome these problems, I declared the vote to be of the postal variety. I delegated the job of counting to Chicken.
For: 1 Against: 17,384.
As not having a meeting to discuss my plans is a terrible plan, I have decided to go ahead and have the meeting anyway, despite the rather dubious results of the vote. It’s in the best interest of the country.
Chicken has given her permission for the meeting to go ahead, as long as it doesn’t interfere with her watching Shakespeare & Hathaway – Private Investigators.
Priorities people. PRIORITIES
Monty The Great