Posts Tagged With: Fox

237. Brexit: Not As Easy As It Looks – by Monty


Is it time for me to take control?

I have decided to take charge of the Brexit negotiations myself. I think it prudent, given the circumstances. As a starting point, I called a meeting.

Chicken immediately declared herself in charge of calling the meeting, and registered an objection on the grounds that it would be boring. I called for a vote.

For: 1    Against: 1

I then said that Big Ted should be allowed a vote and the ballot was recast.

For: 2   Against: 2

Crinkle Octopus.

I then decided to throw the vote open to the public and sent out ballot cards to everyone of any importance. Ugly Cat, Grey Cat, Lion Cat, Floor Cat, Window Cat, Cow Cat, Old Cat and Tiger Cat With A Collar. Hedgehog, Mouse, Fox, Pigeon 1, Pigeon 2, Magpie, Robin, Frog and Mia the Doberman who lives down the road and fancies me. Chicken said Pug had to be included as well because he fancies her.

Having sent out ballot papers to all involved, I received the following replies:

Hedgehog was highly offended that his fleas had been ignored and is refusing to vote until each and every one of them has received a ballot paper.

Mouse, Pigeon 1, Pigeon 2, Magpie and Robin objected to the inclusion of Fox and all the cats, citing the possibility of them being eaten as soon as they turned up to vote.

Mia and Pug said they would be happy to vote if we would also invite them around for a romantic meal.

Ugly Cat said that all the cats would be happy to vote as long as he be able to cast two votes. WHAT?

To overcome these problems, I declared the vote to be of the postal variety. I delegated the job of counting to Chicken.

For: 1    Against: 17,384.

As not having a meeting to discuss my plans is a terrible plan, I have decided to go ahead and have the meeting anyway, despite the rather dubious results of the vote. It’s in the best interest of the country.

Chicken has given her permission for the meeting to go ahead, as long as it doesn’t interfere with her watching Shakespeare & Hathaway – Private Investigators.

Priorities people. PRIORITIES

Monty The Great

Categories: Greyhounds, Monty | Tags: , , , , , ,

236.Monty’s Red Face – by Chicken


My upset Monty 

Monty did get smacked in the face by a black cat. The cat was rude. We did all not know the new cat and it did come running up to us to say friendly hello and then it did just smack my lovely Monty in the face for no reason. Monty did pretending that he was not all upset and he was upset I does know.

I did go out to look for Foxy because Foxy lives in the field and I did want to ask him about the smelly ferret but I did not find Foxy. I has seen Ugly Cats and he does still look scruffy bum and he is still stupid smelly, but now he does not go outs in the dark dark anymore and I does not know why. I also does not care.

Monty has all been watching the news on the tellybox all the times because he does say the Brexit government is very quite important. I has decided not to watch any Brexit tellybox things because it does BORE MY HEAD OFF.

I is now going to look after Monty’s red face now.


Categories: Chicken, Greyhounds | Tags: , , , ,

183. Windy Woes – by Chicken

BOOM! BOOM! Chicky, Chicky!

Chicky, Chicky, BOOM BOOM!

BOOM! BOOM! Chicky, Chicky, BOOM! BOOM!

I is back! I has all managed to steal the iPaddy off Monty donty wee foot.

Last nighty in the dark time I did go for a walks all on my own and I was with Arky. Ugly Cats did follow me and he did tell me that he was going to find a place to hide from the big wind because the big wind was coming. He did say that I had to all hide and I did say that Monty would all take care of me. Ugly Cats did laughing and did say that I all wouldn’t be safe if it was left to Monty. I did big barking at him because he is not allowed to say things about Monty.


Keepering my nose safe.

Then I did go home and I did tell The Fairy that Monty’s big wind was coming and I did have to hide. The Fairy did say that Monty’s wind would all be the same as normal and I would still be safe near him. She did say that he wasn’t all about to explode so I dids not need to worry.

I did some remembering and did remember that Monty did exploding in the garden when he did eat a whole big cake. When I asked Monty about his exploding bottom he did remembering as well, and did realise that he hadn’t had a big cake for years and years months. He did go off to the food kitchen to all find out where his cake was.

I did go off to all look for a gas mask.


Categories: Chicken, Greyhounds | Tags: , ,

169. I’m Doing What With The Who Now? – by Monty

Over the last year or so, I’ve grown used to Chicken’s quirky behaviour and rather unorthodox way of looking at things. Because of this, I’ve learnt to filter out half of what she says, and most of what she does. I find this a good policy. It saves me a lot of mental energy. However, ignoring what she is saying has its drawbacks as I have just discovered.

The Fairy and Chicken went shopping this morning, so I was left in charge. I took the opportunity to sweep the house for listening devices which may have been planted by Foxy, or indeed any of the local wildlife, whom I still do not trust.

During the first phase of my patrol, I came across a food list which included a carrot and walnut cake, which is my favourite. I initially thought Chicken was thinking of making me one for Christmas, but also on the list were 12 wedding favours. This didn’t make any sense to me, but for some reason caused me to feel a little uneasy.

The next thing I came across was a guest list, which included Father Christmas, Rudolf, Jurgen Klopp, PC Dave from the Station and Big Rabbit. I decided to ring Father Christmas to ask about it, and he confirmed that he had indeed received a wedding invitation, though didn’t have time to explain, as obviously he is extremely busy at the moment. As I was curious as to who was getting married, I then decided to ring PC Dave.

He appeared to be speaking in some sort of police code, and cryptically warned me not to let Chicken know that I had forgotten my own big day. My big day? By this time I was very worried, as I felt instinctively that I should know who was getting married, and had a sneaking suspicion that it was me!


Can I organise this in four days?

Chicken then returned from shopping, saying that she had opted for the Audrey Hepburn look, but that I wasn’t allowed to see. She threw down a copy of Bride magazine and went off into the kitchen to talk to The Fairy. I only just managed to drag myself into my office before collapsing.

Had I agreed to a Christmas Eve wedding without realising it? Was that possible? I want to marry her of course; she’s pretty, loving, funny and enthusiastic about everything, but I had rather imagined that I would be in complete control of the planning of the event.

For starters, how am I going to organise a suitable honeymoon in only four days?

Monty The Worried

Categories: Greyhounds, Monty | Tags: , , , , ,

167. Christmas Apparel – by Monty


Getting into the Christmas spirit

Yesterday, Chicken drew my attention to a fox related problem. She is very upset that Foxy has been on the television and is boasting about it. I tried to tell her to ignore him, but she is very sensitive about her appearance at the moment as she still harbours the belief that she is a frog. It is doing her no good at all, listening to Foxy crow about how attractive and charismatic he is.

She has asked me to get rid of him, and as her Commanding Officer I do have a duty of care, and I do not take kindly to anyone upsetting her. She might be a tad prickly at times, but she is only little and I do care about her a lot. I have told her that I will draw up a plan to dispatch said fox.

From my office.

Christmas is fast approaching, so Chicken and I are getting into the spirit by wearing our special Christmas neckerchiefs. I find that carefully chosen festive apparel is a good way to spread some cheer.

Speaking of cheer, Chicken has suggested that we be merry on Christmas Eve, which I think is a jolly good idea. I’m not sure whether she intends to limit the merriment to just Christmas Eve, as in my opinion, Christmas Day also lends itself to jocularity.

I cannot imagine her objecting to being merry for the whole period, and I anticipate that we will have a harmonious and jovial time.


Categories: Greyhounds, Monty | Tags: ,

166. We Has Set The Date – by Chicken

I did go for a walks in the dark and Monty didn’t come with me because Monty thinks the big noises come in the dark so he is scaredy bum bum. Ugly Cats did see me and he did look at me all mean so I did shout at him.

Ugly Cats did say that Foxy was all getting on everyone’s nerves by talkering about being on the tellybox and being a national treasure and he isn’t one. Ugly Cats did say all the wildlife did want Monty to get rid of him and I did say that he would. Then Ugly Cats said he’d believe it when he saw it, because Monty doesn’t all do what he says he is going to do.

I did big shouting at him because he is all not allowed to say bad things about my Monty. Ugly Cats did say that Monty said he was going to marry me and then he didn’t marry me so he is right. I did say he was wrong and then I did tell him that he was smelly and then I did go home.


Father Christmas and Rudolf is going to be at my wedding

Me and Monty did together do deciding and we did decide to get marry married on Christmas Eve and then I did have to go and tell Monty because he didn’t know yet.

Monty did say this was an acceptable proposition so I is all excited and I is going shopping with The Fairy to buy a new dress. I is going to invite Father Christmas and Rudolf to be at my wedding.

I is happy and Ugly Cats is smelly.

Chicken xxx

Categories: Chicken, Greyhounds | Tags: , , , , ,

164. I Is Not Snotty – by Chicken

Stink bum poxy Foxy did make me talk to him the other night and he did talkering for ages and ages and I all didn’t listen because Monty did tell me that I didn’t all have to listen to stinky bum foxes. He did tell me that he was more important than me and Monty because he is a film star. I did say he wasn’t a film star and he did say he was.

Stinky Foxy did say that he is on the tellybox all the every night in people’s houses. He did say everyone loves him because he can jump on a tramp and lean but I did say that I was betterer because I could do big jumpy jumps on my own and I didn’t need a tramp or a lean. So I win.

He did say I was being big headed and I did say that I didn’t have to speak to him because Monty did say greyhounds is all too soup area to speak to foxes and foxes have stinky bums. Foxy did say that he didn’t have to speak to me because he was a film star and  I did say get lost and he did say I was too snotty for him to speak to anyways.

Then I did go back to Monty and did ask him if I was all snotty and Monty donty did say that I was not snotty and Monty is right because Monty knows all everything.


I is NOT snotty 

Chicken xxx

Categories: Chicken, Greyhounds | Tags:

160. Hello Weeing And The Witch’s Ugly Cat – by Chicken


Hello Weeing was boring silly boring. Foxy did go everywhere and do weeing because he is trying to tell big Monty that he is the boss, but Monty can do better wees.

I did go outs with The Fairy in the night time walk a few days ago and Foxy did see me and did say that it was all his estate but I did say that Monty was in charge because Monty does do The Watch but Foxy did say, “Where is he then?”

So I did say that he was all doing big planning at home and he is very busy doing big planning at home. Foxy did say that he was taking over and I did say he was too little and couldn’t do anything. But then on Hello Weeing night Foxy did weeing everywhere and he is stinky smelly stink bum.

Ugly Cats did follow me and The Fairy, and did say that Monty did have to take charge again or all the cats would take charge but I did say they couldn’t take charge because they is all ugly. Then Ugly Cats did say that I did have to be a pilot to him because he had special magic powers on Hello Weeing night because he is a witch’s cat and he did say that he could all turn me into a frog or make my nose drop off. I did say get lost.


Chicken Frog

Then back at home I did tell Monty that Foxy did weeing everywhere and that Ugly Cats had turned me into a froggy frog but Monty did say I still did look like a beautiful greyhound to him. But then The Fairy did say, “Stand still, Chicken! You’re jumping about like a frog.”

Now I does have to eats Ugly Cats to break the spell.


Categories: Chicken, Greyhounds | Tags: , , , ,

159. Poxy Foxy – by Chicken

BOOM! BOOM! Chicky, Chicky!

Chicky, Chicky, BOOM BOOM!

BOOM! BOOM! Chicky, Chicky, BOOM! BOOM!

Then I did go out for a walk in the late dark with The Fairy and I did wear my coat because it is all coldy cold at the night time now. Monty bum bum wee wee foot did only come with us to the end of my street because then he did say he did have to all go home because he was busy but I does know he is scaredy bum. When we did get near the big road, I did see the stupid poxy foxy in the field.

Then in the suddenly, Ugly Cats did jump up on the big fence and follow us. He did say that the smelly fox was looking for things to eat in the field and that I did all have to be careful because the fox would eats me. Then I did shout at Ugly Cats because he is stupid and I did say that I was not scared of the poxy foxy and that I could eats him and then I could eats Ugly Cats as well.


Researching Hello Weeing

Ugly Cats did say that I should calms down because we is on the same side of The Watch, but I did say that I was only on Monty’s side and we didn’t need him. He then did say that Foxy was doing big horrible planning for a big bad night of weeing so I did go home to my house quickly and tell Monty abouts it.

I did say that Ugly Cats did say he could eats me and then I did say that Foxy was doing a Hello Weeing plan, and Monty did say he would all do some research.

I is not scared of any silly Hello Weeing night!

Chicken xxx

Categories: Chicken, Greyhounds | Tags: , ,

154. We Has Eaten A Sausage Dog – by Chicken


Sausage dogs

It is all not nice that Monty has a poorly foot, but it did mean that The Fairy did make us special foods to make him feel better. We did get sausage dogs to eats and I did like eating the sausage dogs. I has been asking for more sausage dogs again but The Fairy has not made them again because we is all fat, especially Monty. Monty has to not be fat because if he is fat his poorly foot will be more hurty hurt hurt. I did reminding to The Fairy that I did not have a poorly foot and I is not very fat just a bit fat but she did say it wasn’t fair if I did get special foods and Monty didn’t so I is mad.

Last night in the night time dark we did go for a walks. I did speak to the fox and I did not speak to the fox because he was too far away. Monty did say we had to warns people with pet rabbits so they could all keeps their rabbits safe and I did say that all the rabbits could live in my garden and I would all look after them and play with them but not eat them.

Monty did say they would all be safer with the fox and he did not want wildlife in my garden anyways, because they would all destroy his race track. Bum.

Chicken xxx

Categories: Chicken, Greyhounds | Tags: , , ,

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