Chicken and I think it is time to publish our manifesto. We have thought long and hard about what we want to achieve when we assume power, and feel confident that the British people will agree that our manifesto makes more sense than anyone else’s.
THE GREYHOUNDS IN CHARGE MANIFESTO
1. It will be illegal for any Council to insist upon planning permission for anything that any greyhound wishes to build.
2. All loud, medium and quiet noises shall be banned, unless said noise involves cooking.
3. Dog food shall be banned and replaced with steak.
4. Hedgehogs, birds, cats and foxes will be banned from entering our garden.
5. Taxes will be collected in steaks instead of money, and will be delivered to the Prime Ministers on a thrice daily basis.
6. Weeing shall become an official discipline in the Oil Limpets.
7. All lady greyhounds will be given a voucher for a free bikini, which will allow them to make ready for when we leave Your Rope for warmer climes.
I’m sure you will agree that we have dealt with the major issues facing our nation today. We are both 100% certain of victory, and this being the situation, have decided that we will not need to do much campaigning at all. In fact, we have decided to take a short holiday before taking up office. We shall be back in about a week, by which time we imagine most of the other candidates will have dropped out of the running.
Monty The Great and Stand Still Chicken, Prime Ministers in waiting