8. Monty’s Trench 2 -by Monty

imageI had to put my trench building programme on hold at the beginning of Autumn, due in part to the inclement weather. The real reason my project had to be put on hold however, was the need to secure an archaeological survey before Bob at the Council would process my planning application. It was quite hard finding an archaeologist. We walked across many fields but didn’t come across a single one. Then as luck would have it, one turned up just before Christmas. He agreed to do a full survey of the site in exchange for board and lodging over the Christmas period.

On day one, he had a quick look at the site out the window, and then spent ten days sleeping and eating in my house. I tried to make him feel welcome by taking him for walks every day and I even allowed him to play with me. I don’t normally interact with civilians but found myself becoming quite fond of this one, whose name is Arky-Ollie-Just.

His final assessment came as no surprise to me, as my military training had taught me about all terrains known to man. It is Arky-Ollie-Just’s professional opinion that I can:

“Dig all you want, mate.”


“There’s nothing there.”

He has written me a full report with words to this effect, which I will present to Bob at the Council next week.

Monty The Great


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