Old Chinese proverb says:
Of a good teacher they will say, “He taught me well.” Of an excellent teacher they will say, “I taught myself.”
A delusional, empty-headed student will say, “I taught my teacher.”
I mention this to help you better understand Chicken’s ramblings. First of all, nearly every single toy in the house in mine. She did not, as she states, teach me not to steal them. I decided quite independently to allow her access to them in the spirit of friendship. I am not now, nor have I ever been, intimidated by her. No.
In addition to this, neither did she teach me to play. I have been capable of playing since my early days and will only play when I choose to. She indicates that she wants to partake in play by barking, and if I feel like it, I join her.
With regards to barking, she really does show a lack of understanding when she says that she taught me. I feel responsible for her ongoing training, being the higher ranking and more intelligent dog in the house. It was for this reason that I undertook to help her develop the ability to project her voice. I assessed her current level of ability by listening carefully for a period of time, before demonstrating the correct way of doing it. It is disappointing that she has interpreted the situation in the way that she has, but not surprising.
Finally, I feel I must address the more personal issue that she mentioned.
Let me be clear: there is no romantic link between us. We are not in a relationship and I do not believe we ever will be. I understand fully how difficult it is to resist me. I am handsome, strong, intelligent, wise and skilled. Others pale into insignificance beside me. But I am also a professional with little time for unnecessary distractions. If I felt in the future that it was the right time to settle down, I would be looking for a partner whose intellect matched mine. Whilst Chicken is incredibly attractive, bubbly and loving, she also has the mind of a two-year-old and the attention span of a goldfish.
I do not wish to cause any offense and I respect Chicken for her individuality, but I must insist that she stops spreading these untrue rumours about the status of our relationship.
I AM NOT HER BOYFRIEND. No.
Smelly Monty, smelly Monty wee-wees on his own foot. BOOM! BOOM!