ATTENDING OFFICER: Monty The Great
LOCATION: The corridor
NATURE OF INJURY: High velocity impact
CAUSATION FACTORS: Chicken
A few days ago, Chicken head-butted The Fairy and knocked her out. The whole incident would have been very serious, had it not been for my fortuitous presence.
We were preparing to go out for a walk, which involves attaching The Fairy to our leads to prevent her running off. Stand-Still-Chicken was unable to stand still, due to increased levels of excitement and a lack of self control. She was jumping up and down, and during one of the upwards motions, made contact with The Fairy.
Chicken’s skull hit The Fairy ‘s eyebrow area with a force that can only be described as unnecessary. The noise was awful. The Fairy sank down to the floor, but Chicken interpreted this movement as a request for a kiss, so engaged in further head area interference.
I immediately took charge of the situation, citing my First Aid knowledge and military experience as credentials. As recommended by the medical profession, I directed The Fairy towards the freezer, so that she could put some ice on her eye. I did this by pushing her in the appropriate direction with my body weight, a task made easier by the fact that she was crawling on her hands and knees. At one point, due to an unexpected communication problem, my bottom blocked access to the freezer door, but I put this down to The Fairy’s disorientation.
There was some discussion about the differing levels of usefulness of the various bags of frozen items. The oven chips were discarded straight away, leaving three bags of vegetables in contention. The sweetcorn won out, and was held firmly against the swelling eyebrow.
It was deemed imprudent to cancel the walk, as Chicken was climbing the walls by this point, so our original plan went ahead. It transpired that upon arriving back at the house, The Fairy had no recollection of the walk.
Chicken suffered no injury at all, and was actually totally unaware of the incident, which begs the question: What is her skull made of?