Greyhounds

Merry Christmas to you all! I hope that you have all had an excellent day. Chicken and I have eaten more today than I think we have eaten in the whole of last year. We have seen all our friends and played loads of games. There was a lot of organising to do but my timing was impeccable as usual.

I have outlined the training plan for Chicken which is to be implemented shortly. I believe Chicken was impressed because she didn’t interrupt my briefing at all – not once.

All is peaceful now and we have settled down in front of an open fire with a box of chocolates. We send all our love to you all. Even if you only have two legs.

Love Monty

Life can be very difficult when you are so important that you are needed in two places at once. This, for me, is an everyday occurrence. As you know, I have an expansive skills set which is much in demand. Sometimes, I really do not know what to do for the best.

Take today, for example. St Peter is very busy preparing for some important birthday celebrations which are to take place at the end of December. He has not said so specifically, but it is obvious that my organisational skills will be of great use to him. I’m sure that he will shortly be delegating some of the more complex tasks to me and I stand ready and willing to take charge.

My problem is that there is another task that I also have to attend to. A very urgent task. One that I really should deal with without delay. I speak, of course, of Chicken.

When I first allowed Chicken to move in with me back in 2015, I swore an oath to take care of her and to teach her everything I know. There is still a lot of work to do. The poor little thing is finding it tricky to navigate her way around Heaven. She appears to be having a lot of fun but I am fully prepared to interrupt that in order to continue her training.

She may not like it, but it is in her own best interest. In the long run, she will have more fun if she is fully aware of, and sticks to, the rules and regulations and goes about her activities in the appropriate way, following the correct procedures.

I have written a programme of study for her which includes some end of unit assessments and exams.

Let the fun begin!

Monty The Late Great

Then the next day it was all cold and nasty cold. My feets were all coldy cold cold and it was there was snow. Big Monty did do stupid baby running around in the snow and I did it with him but I did it betterer. Then it was cold and I did doing going back to bed.

Monty donty did say what is the matter and I did say I was coldy cold. Monty said that I did not get used to being in Heaven yet and he did reminding and reminded me that in Heaven I can have anything I wanted.

So I did ask Monty, if I did want sunshine then I can have sunshine? And Monty did say yes. Then I did ask Monty, if I did want rainy then I can have rain? And Monty did say yes. Then I did ask Monty, if I did want windy then I can have wind? And Monty did say that he had already said it before and yes then I can have wind. Then I did ask Monty, if I did want warm snowy then I can have warm snow? And Monty did shout that he had already told me the too many times that I is in Heaven and that in Heaven I can have anything that I want. Then I did ask Monty, anything? And Monty did shout ANYTHING! In a shouty voice.

So I did have roast lamb, a big cream cakes and choccy choccy choccy choccy choccy choc choc.

So I win. BOOM! BOOM!

By Chicken

Fat Monty met me at the gates.

St Peter said I could all have whatever I wanted so I got a bikini and then he ran away straightaway. Then I did see my Monty waiting for me!

I did do running up to him and he did do running up to me and I did give him big snogs. We did do bouncing about and I knocked Monty on the floor and he was on his back on the floor and he was all wiggling and trying to get up so I helped him by kicking him and then he could get up. I am helpful.

I am sad that The Fairy is not with me but Monty donty did say that we could watch over her so that is better. Monty was looking all extra handsome and he is young and strong and he has no grey bits and his bottom is still big and his head is still big. He is my Monty.

Monty did take me to do super fast running and then we did have the best sleep ever in the comfiest bed ever. We is back together!

Chicken

I have to say that everything here is going well. I am still excited about my reunion with Chicken. I have taken her to some excellent places and we have spent many hours racing at full speed. Chicken is over the moon at being pain free and strong again and she hasn’t stopped smiling for a second.

It is also worth noting that Chicken is being very kind and loving towards me. Last night we slept next to each other and it was the best feeling.

I may be wrong, but I believe she has a new found respect for me which will no doubt last forever.

Monty

You will never believe who turned up at the gates. My Little Chicken!

I had a feeling she was coming. I was inexplicably drawn to the gates several times, but it was not until the final time that I knew exactly why. Chicken exploded through the gates and straight into me, wearing – and this is a true story people – a pink bikini. Good grief!

It was the most wonderful feeling to be reunited and I had to endure quite a number of kisses before she was finally calm enough to speak to me. I use the word calm in its broadest context, you understand. Perhaps the phrase as calm as she could ever be expected to be is more appropriate.

She is back to full health and strength. I know this because she barrelled into me several times, causing me to temporarily lose my balance. I pretended to fall over as I did not wish to quell her enthusiasm. She knew I was humouring her but was sweet enough not to mention it.

Over the next few days, I intend to show her the ropes, so to speak. As you know, I don’t like to blow my own trumpet, but it has to be said that I am an authority on Heaven and feel it is my duty to teach my protégée everything I know. She will no doubt be very grateful and I am expecting her to defer to my experience.

It is so wonderful to have my Chicken with me again and I know that she feels the same about being with me. We will have the most exciting time together from now on. Everything is going to be just perfect.

Monty The Great

I is not Little Chicken anymore. I is now DinoChicken the hero rescuer of everything.

The Fairy did get me a special dinosaur costume because I is special and when I does put on my dino costume I does become DinoChicken doing the rescuing.

Last week I did do rescuing of the roast chicken. I did go into the food kitchen and did see the roast chicken on the plate and it was nearly going to could have fallen off the plate onto the floor and then it would hurt itself on the floor because the floor was hard. I did quickly as possible put my dino costume on and did become DinoChicken! Then I did rush back into the food kitchen and did suddenly all of a sudden rescue the roast chicken with my mouth and I ate it. Then the roast chicken was all safe from falling on the floor and getting hurt and I was a hero.

The Fairy was super impressed and then she did have vegbles and potatoes and gravy for tea and she didn’t have any roast chicken because I had already rescued it. So I win.

DinoChicken to the rescue again!