51. Bob, Dave, Duck And Chicken – by Monty

The last few days have been quite eventful. On Friday PC Dave from the Station turned up, asking to speak to me about a couple of incidents that had been brought to his attention. One of them had something to do with Porta-Loo Day and the Neighbourhood Watch. I couldn’t quite understand what he was getting at, but I believe that some of the people on the estate have been complaining. It is possible that I have been unfairly missing some of the portable toilets, so I will make an extra effort next week to use every single one. I don’t want people feeling offended because they have been missed out.


Monty showing his softer side with a flower

The other incident was entirely more serious, and one that I am particularly angry about. Apparently, Bob from the Council has put in a complaint about me! He has reported being attacked whilst on my property and Dave is now having to investigate the allegation. I made it quite clear that I did not injure Bob in any way, and went so far as to demonstrate how I had asked him to leave. As far as I am aware, there is no law against asking someone to leave your premises, using verbal communication only.

Dave agreed with this, but said I should guard against presenting myself in a way that could be conceived as threatening. He said that Bob no longer felt safe dealing with me, and no longer had any peace of mind. I told Dave that I’d give Bob a piece of my mind if I saw him again, and went on to explain how my planning application had been turned down. Dave sympathised but was very clear about how I should conduct myself in future. I agreed to behave in a more restrained way, and went on to tell him about my Mud Head Project. He was very impressed and said this was much more practical than a trench, which was my thought entirely.


Duck droppings on Chicken

On Friday Chicken tried to make friends with a duck but it ran away, so she had to content herself with rubbing her face and neck in its droppings. I did not allow her to sit too close to me in the car on the way home.

Yesterday we had a day out at Sister’s house where we came across a cat. I wanted to play with it but it ran away. Chicken insisted we had been followed by Ugly Cat and became quite upset. I explained to her that it was not Ugly Cat, but Talking Cat. It can say hello just like Sister! Extraordinary!

Today is Mother’s Day so we are visiting Grandma. If I have time later, I will write a letter of apology to Bob from the Council. I realise how formidable I am, and must take responsibility for my actions. It’s the right thing to do.


Categories: Greyhounds, Monty | Tags: ,

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