83. Synchronous Diaphragmatic Flutter – by Monty

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Disgusting object

Chicken went out early this morning, and reappeared seconds later with something in her mouth. She dropped it on the carpet when she tried to speak with her mouth full, and I snatched it up and ran into the kitchen with it, which was where The Fairy cornered me. Chicken was furious and demanded that I do something about it, stating that it was a nasty trick played by Ugly Cat. I had already lost interest though, having realised I couldn’t eat it. Also, I am more inclined to believe it was an uncoordinated seagull which had simply dropped its breakfast. I promised Chicken that I would confront Ugly Cat at the first opportunity though, as I do have responsibility for security.

I felt it necessary to ring Simon at the Department of Energy and Climate Change yesterday, to complain about the constantly changing climate.  I explained how it was affecting Chicken’s ability to judge her wardrobe for the day, and how much I disliked the rain. Yesterday we set out in the sunshine, and yet again got wet unexpectedly. As far as I’m concerned, that was the whole day ruined.

He couldn’t quite believe that he was speaking to me again, and quite clearly said, “I give up.” I told him this was not the attitude to take, as everyone was relying on him. Inexplicably, he asked me if I was working for a newspaper to which I replied in the negative. I have to say he was very helpful on this occasion, promising warmer weather to come. I thanked him for this, adding that Chicken and I would be able to plan our days more efficiently now that he was going to improve the climate.

I have been so focused on my work recently, that I haven’t paid much attention to my home life. The recent wet weather has meant that we have played more in the house, and when I stopped for a minute to think about it, this has become rather enjoyable. Chicken is now much more willing to allow me to play with my own toys, and we can get through a whole five minutes of frolicking around without the inclusion of teeth and nails. It is all becoming rather good fun.

We recently embarked on one such energetic play session straight after eating, despite warnings from The Fairy. I should have listened, because moments later I was struck down with a serious case of synchronous diaphragmatic flutter. Chicken called it hiccups but I always insist on the correct medical terminology where my ailments are concerned. After ascertaining that this was not dangerous, The Fairy and Chicken spent some time laughing at me. Though both of them gave me big kisses afterwards to help me feel better, and Chicken came to sit next to me.

Simon has been true to his word, and it is warmer today and sunny. I am taking my unit out for a walk, and later intend to do some more work securing the garden. Ugly Cat has taken to sitting on the shed next door and watching us, so now is not the time to be complacent, particularly considering the disgusting object situation which occurred this morning.

Monty

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