71. The Fracking Activity Reconnaissance Team – by Monty

Yesterday’s meeting went extremely well. Dave from the Station and Bob from the Council were both in attendance, which I was very pleased about. I had had a long conversation with PC Dave at the Station, who informed me that there was no independent, creditable evidence to suggest that any form of fracking was taking place. Because of this, he was unable to help me and suggested I concentrate all my energy on my Mud Head Project. He also stated that this meant there was no need for Bob or himself to attend the meeting.

I spent some time thinking of a way forward, and then rang Dave back to explain my plan. He was immediately excited about my proposal, and said he would be honoured to be part of it. He also said he would make sure that Bob from the Council was there, as he believed he would really enjoy this.

Minutes of the meeting called Friday 8th April 2016.

Item 1

Apologies for absence received from Arky-Ollie-Just and Simon from the DECC.

Those present at the meeting: Monty The Great, Separation Anxiety Chicken, The Fairy, Alive Orange Blob, Dave from the Station, Bob at the Council.

Item 2

The Chairman put forward a proposal to form a working party whose primary purpose would be to gather intelligence about any fracking activity in the area, which is needed to proceed with a Police investigation. Volunteers were being sought to form the Fracking Activity Reconnaissance Team. The Chairman put himself forward to lead the team, and opened up the floor to discussion.

A reminder to take the proceedings seriously was issued, in order to curb the unnecessary laughter.

Dave from the Station was the first to offer his services, stating that it would be good for his career to be part of the F.A.R.T. He put forward the proposal that we have jackets printed so that we would be easily recognisable as F.A.R.T’s.

This was rejected on the grounds that we need to be incognito.

Bob from the Council was the second to volunteer, remarking that he felt he had the necessary skills to make the F.A.R.T. one of the most successful in history. He added to this, that Dave had been right to persuade him to attend the meeting, and that he wouldn’t have missed it for the world. He thanked the Chairman for the opportunity to demonstrate his commitment to the F.A.R.T.

A further reminder about appropriate behaviour during meetings was issued.

It was determined that Monty The Great, Dave from the Station and Bob at the Council would make up the F.A.R.T.

Item 3

A complaint was received from The Fairy and Chicken, who both stated that it was unfair that the F.A.R.T. was made up solely of men. The Chairman acknowledged this truth, but went on to explain that in this area, men have historically shown their superiority. A compromise was reached, allowing The Fairy and Chicken to play a more discreet role, as the silent element of F.A.R.T.

Item 4

No further items were discussed, as by this time Dave was unable to participate further due to uncontrollable laughter, and Bob was crying. The Chairman voiced his concerns about professionalism, and hoped he hadn’t made a mistake recruiting them to the F.A.R.T.

Both assured the meeting that they were fully committed to the aims of the F.A.R.T., adding that it was the best thing that had happened to them this year.

Item 5

The Chairman stated that an Action Plan would be drawn up, to be debated at the next meeting.

Item 6

The Chairman brought the meeting to a close. The date of the next meeting is to be confirmed.

Monty The Great, Chairman