I awoke on Friday morning expecting to take up my post as one of the Prime Ministers, only to find that an enormous mistake had been made. For some reason, not a single one of our votes had been included in the final tally. As you can imagine, I was nonplussed to say the least.
I immediately decided to ring the Government, but as Chicken and I are the Government, found myself in a rather difficult situation. As an emergency measure, I decided to ring Bob at the Council.
I had thought better of him.
Bob at the Council said that the results had been officially verified and that there was in fact, no record anywhere of the Greyhounds In Charge Party. Whatever mischief is afoot, Bob is obviously involved and by extension – not to be trusted.
It is clear to anyone with even an ounce of common sense, that the election was rigged. Therefore, in my capacity as Prime Minister, I have declared the election results INVALID.
REMAIN CALM people. I have already started a public enquiry and will publish my findings post-haste.
Chicken is furious.
Monty The Great, PM