57. Time To Shape Up – by Monty

I have just finished speaking with Dave from the Station. It was necessary for me to report an intruder who threatened the safety of my unit. We were not in any immediate danger, as I was on duty at the time, but I felt it prudent to inform the police in case I need to borrow some equipment from them in the future.

At 0630hrs I conducted the first inspection of the perimeter fence. Finding nothing untoward, I retired to my bed in order to plan the rest of the day. Chicken reported seeing Ugly Cat jumping off the back fence, but she tends to do this every morning so I did not take her report seriously.

At 0700hrs we both went out again and I immediately identified said cat sitting on top of the fence, very close to the house. Chicken joined me in verbally attacking the cat, and then took it a step further by trying to reach it by jumping up. I attempted to dislodge it by repeatedly throwing my weight against the fence. The Fairy was very frightened of the cat, so called us in and closed the curtain. She applauded our attempts to scare it away, and said we had to leave it alone for a few minutes to give it the chance to walk away.

At 0715hrs the curtain was pulled back again, only to reveal an unbelievable situation. Ugly Cat had indeed moved from the fence. To my patio! It was sitting about six inches off the glass looking in. I rather believe it wanted to come in.

To the untrained eye, it could have looked like Chicken and I lost control, but I was simply following military procedure, and Chicken was simply following my example. When under attack, there simply is no choice but to come out fighting. Retreating is NOT an option. Our attempts at hand to hand combat were thwarted somewhat by the presence of the patio door, but I like to believe our show of strength gave Ugly Cat something to think about.

It doesn’t appear to be the cleverest cat in the world, because it didn’t immediately scarper. Chicken said it wanted to get her and her toys, but I said it was just a bit slow, and wouldn’t return once it had had time to think things over. Just in case it decides to attack again however, I am instigating a programme of training for my whole unit to ensure we are combat ready.

PC Dave said that there was nothing he could do at the moment as Ugly Cat hadn’t caused any criminal damage, but he did say that I had done the right thing reporting the incident. He said he would step up his patrols in the area and reminded me not to take the law into my own hands.

I reminded him that I am a professional, and assured him that I would involve him in any future operations. He said he would really appreciate that, as he didn’t have enough to do already. He is such a nice man.

Monty The Great

Categories: Greyhounds, Monty | Tags: , ,

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