Posts Tagged With: Gardening

163. New Greyhound Race Track Set To Open In North Lincolnshire – BREAKING NEWS

A new greyhound racing track in North Lincolnshire, is set to open its doors in the new year. The track, which was originally expected to be completed by early November 2016, has only just been finished, and is still awaiting approval by the Council.

The ambitious project is the brainchild of two retired open racers; Monty The Great and Stand Still Chicken. When asked what prompted them to build a race track, Monty The Great said that although retired, they both still enjoyed racing and felt it important to do so on a professional track.

He went on to say that he had raced at all the top tracks up and down the country, resulting in him having a level of expertise not usually seen in the average greyhound. He said that he had used his extensive knowledge to design and build one of the most impressive tracks ever seen.

The track is constructed mostly of mud and has state of the art toilet facilities in the centre, negating the need for any greyhound to leave the track in order to wee.

Monty The Great said that he would be applying for a license to hold race meetings in 2017. Stand Still Chicken added that frogs would also be allowed to race, though no explanation was given for this move. A Council spokesman said that a previous application to build a trench on the site had been turned down, and they were unaware that the track had been built. They are expected to visit the premises in the next few days.

Opposition groups are planning to erect temporary green fencing around the area to prevent racing taking place, but Monty The Great confirmed that the owner of the property had fully approved the building of the track, and had no objections to hosting race meetings in the future. When we contacted her for a comment however, she was overcome with emotion and unable to speak through her tears.

It is understood that the site had originally been a lawn, before being redeveloped.


The new track, with state of the art toilet facilities in the centre.

Categories: Greyhounds | Tags: ,

155. Why Did I Even Bother? – by Monty

As a rule, I don’t ask for praise or recognition for the contributions I make to society. I’m happy to go about my business in a professional and discreet manner; my reward being the safety of my unit and immediate community.

There are times however, when I go above and beyond to make a positive difference to the lives of those I’m responsible for, and for this, just a little bit of appreciation wouldn’t go amiss.

Case in point: my diligent cultivation of the tomatoes. I spent a considerable amount of time and effort ensuring the crop was a success in order to provide a valuable food resource for my unit. A day did not go by when they were not attended to. Everybody was impressed at the number of fruits I grew, and a certain amount of awe was expressed as they changed from green to red.

Imagine my disgust then, to find that absolutely nobody is willing to eat them. They are the most succulent tomatoes due to the fact that I watered them myself, at least three times a day.

Now I find, unbelievably, that despite this personal attention, there is a general air of reluctance to try them. I don’t know why I bothered. As far as I can see, there is nothing wrong with them. No explanation has been given for their lack of popularity. It seems that all that watering was a total waste of time.

You can do it yourself next year.


I see no reason at all why these juicy tomatoes would not be enjoyed by all


Categories: Greyhounds, Monty | Tags: , ,

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