My picture. I does think I is a better poster.
Much more better than Monty’s
So I win.
Chicken xxx
Posts Tagged With: Politics
188. Official Campaign Photograph – by Monty
I have chosen my official campaign photograph which reflects my personality perfectly. It shows my high level of confidence in my own ability to run the country. Chicken says it makes me look lazy and disinterested, but what does she know? She hasn’t even had hers taken yet.
Suave and confident
Look familiar?
Monty The Great
Categories: Greyhounds, Monty
Tags: Politics
187. Snap Election Announcement – by Monty
I will admit to being taken totally off guard by the announcement that we are to have a General Election. I am pretty annoyed by this, as it means there is not enough time for me to apply to be the candidate for any of the main political parties. I rang the Government to complain, and was assured that my dissatisfaction would be relayed to Mrs May. She will probably ring me in the next few days to apologise.
Bob at the Council was pleased to hear from me when I rang him at 5.30am at home, to discuss the situation. He said that the only way I could run for election would be as an independent candidate, but that this would be difficult as I did not have an established party structure behind me.
Difficult – but not impossible.
I discussed the situation with Chicken over breakfast, and she announced that she also wanted to be the Prime Minister. Give me strength! I realised pretty quickly that she was not to be dissuaded, so presented to her a rather radical option.
Chicken and I are going to stand as a pair. The first ever duet candidates. We are standing on a platform of Two Heads Are Better Than One, for the recently established Greyhounds In Charge Party. Chicken insisted on standing on a platform of sausages and custard creams. I say again – give me strength.
We are both very excited about it, and are working on our manifesto which will be published in a few days. Chicken, showing an unexpected level of political awareness, has booked herself in to have her hair done before our official photographs are taken for our campaign posters.
I would like to predict a landslide victory, but do not want to give the impression that I am big-headed.
Monty The Great, Prime Minister in waiting.
Categories: Greyhounds, Monty
Tags: Politics
179. A Week Is A Long Time In Politics – by Monty
Forest Gump could not have caught me.
A week, as they say, is a long time in politics. A fortnight is even longer, and three weeks is tantamount to a lifetime. Britain is about to leave Your Rope; Mr Farage has just left Britain; Mr Trump has just become President Trump, and Mrs May has just bought a new dress.
But three weeks in politics is but a snippet compared to three weeks in the same dwelling unit as an angry Chicken.
I am already sick of 2017. Sick as a parrot.
For the first few days she refused to speak to me on the grounds that it would be inappropriate to fratenise with single men now that she was married to Mr Gingerbread-Snowman. Within ten days she had divorced him on the grounds of boredom, and begun a new relationship with a stuffed raccoon. Mr Gingerbread-Snowman and I were then able to become acquainted as Chicken wasn’t interested in either of us.
It was at this point that she re-established the lines of communication with yours truly, in order to tell me that she was sending me to Coventry on the grounds of unreasonable behaviour based on the fact that I had forgotten that all toys are hers.
I told The Fairy to tell Chicken that I was unable to travel to Coventry as my calendar was too full. Chicken told The Fairy to tell me to get lost, but The Fairy was too polite to pass the message on.
All my efforts at friendship were met with cold shoulders and rather unnecessary bad language, so I decided to concentrate on carrying out some maintenance work on my race track. Although there were some minor incidences of interference, for the most part she ignored me in favour of her new beau. Ridiculous!
I decided to remind her how fast I am because I know she finds this particular attribute irresistible. Casting caution to the wind, I repeatedly sprinted at full speed around my track, thereby rendering myself far more attractive than Raccoon.
She didn’t say it out loud, but I think she was secretly impressed.
Monty
Categories: Greyhounds, Monty
Tags: Politics, Race track
115. Do British Politicians Move Faster Than Greyhounds? – by Monty
I appear to have missed my chance of being Prime Minister. I was in the process of completing my application form, when Pete Who Can Build Anything turned up to do the patio, forcing me to postpone submitting my application in favour of supervising the build. When I looked up, the job had been taken.
If all goes according to plan, Mrs Theresa May will take over tomorrow, as long as nobody launches a revolution overnight. David Cameron is packing up his house, but is not allowed to take his favourite cabinet with him. Apparently, he is quite upset about this, so has spent the morning talking to it. I say let the man have his cabinet as a leaving present.
Sausage dinner every day
My only other option now is to accept the job of Leader of the Opposition, and win the next election on a platform of greyhound voting rights and a no wildlife except greyhounds policy. Chicken has suggested a sausage dinner every day for greyhounds policy, which I am seriously considering.
My political credentials are as good as anybody’s, and I’m sure I could rely on the support of Bob at the Council. If I add police officers to my sausage dinner every day for … policy, Dave from the Station would certainly support me as well. It’s all looking very promising.
I have a meeting with Ugly Cat this afternoon, to discuss his involvement with illegal fracking. He has stated that he has solved the mystery, so I am very interested in what he has to say.
Monty
Categories: Greyhounds, Monty
Tags: Bob, Illegal fracking, Local police, Politics, Ugly Cat, Wildlife
Greyhounds In Charge 