Posts Tagged With: Wild birds

45. Bad Moon Rising – by Monty

Posted on February 23, 2016 by Mydogslife

I think the full moon is having an effect on Chicken. Last night, for no reason that I could see, she bolted down the garden and threw herself onto the back fence. She then did it again a second time. I was very tempted to go and see what she was doing, but have learnt that there is nothing to gain by trying to understand her behaviour.

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Monty thinking

Yet I fear Chicken is not the only one behaving strangely at the moment. Yesterday morning I awoke early and went out into the garden. Imagine my horror when I found myself looking with disbelief at a seagull. I lie, not. A seagull! In my garden. The nerve of the thing. It took off straight away when it saw me but I cannot believe it had the audacity to land in my garden in the first place. First a garden bird, then pigeons, and now a seagull. What is going on? I’m half expecting there to be an ostrich tomorrow.

We went for a walk last night and a cat jumped out from under a bush, right in front of us. We obviously tried to grab it but as we were out with The Fairy we had attached leads to her to keep her safe, and so couldn’t run as fast as we wanted to. We dragged her along as fast as we could but lost sight of our quarry on a bend. It was only when we were close to home that The Fairy told us to look back. The cat was following us!

I say again: What is going on?

My military training is telling me that some kind of conspiracy is unfolding within my own territory. Let us not forget that I was somehow poisoned a few days ago. There is no telling what will happen next, so I must protect my unit. I hope those responsible for the illegal fracking haven’t found out that I am on to them.

I never expected retirement to be such hard work.

Monty

Categories: Greyhounds, Monty | Tags: ,

44. Under attack – by Monty

Posted on February 20, 2016 by Mydogslife

I believe I have been poisoned. It is my own fault; I have taken my eye off the ball where the birds are concerned and it has come back to bite me on the bum, so to speak. I knew I should have taken more direct action when I had the chance.

Two pigeons were walking around my garden a few days ago, in blatant violation of my direct orders. Instead of taking direct action myself however, I decided to let Chicken deal with them. She obviously failed in her mission as I believe they were able to plant something in my garden which made me incredibly sick. Chicken has told me that it was my own fault and I’m finding it difficult to disagree. I must be more vigilant from now on.

My plan for revenge had to be put on hold yesterday due to a large number of admirers who turned up. They had obviously come to see me, though Chicken found this hard to believe. She also wanted admiring and the visitors were kind enough to humour her. They liked me best, and were particularly impressed when I tried to protect the children’s health by taking the chocolate biscuits off them. I think they really appreciated my thoughtfulness.

Tomorrow is Sunday so I intend to get up before dawn to lie in wait for the birds. I am anxious to rid my garden of them completely before Bob from the Council turns up to inspect it.  I do not want him thinking that the place is a wildlife reserve, as this may harm my chances of getting planning permission for my trench.

Monty

Categories: Greyhounds, Monty | Tags: , ,

32. Threat level SEVERE – by Monty

Posted on February 4, 2016 by Mydogslife

I have been on high alert since dawn and have raised the threat level from substantial to severe. My garden has been classified as a construction site since last Autumn when I first started my trench, and as such is subject to current Health and Safety regulations which means I’m responsible for the safety of anyone who enters it. It has been particularly important to control access to the site recently, due to the instability caused by the illegal fracking.

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Guard duty

This morning, I received some intelligence from Chicken, stating that someone was attempting to access the premises. A quick scan of the perimeter fence revealed the perpetrator to be a wild garden bird of average proportions, sporting brown plumage. I estimated the weight of the bird to be not very much, but could also see the potential threat it represented.

My military training had taught me never to underestimate the enemy. Although one single bird would be unlikely to have any impact, 500 could quite easily cause the whole garden to collapse. It is common knowledge that birds of a feather flock together, so it is imperative that I get rid of this bird before it returns with its friends.

Unfortunately, The Fairy is working against me on this one, and for some reason is encouraging their presence by putting out food! She really is impossible at times. Chicken, on the other hand, has really stepped up to the plate and is proving to be an invaluable asset. First response was for us to get rid of the food, which we accomplished pretty quickly. We then ran around barking at the fence, and the bird had the intelligence to fly away.

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Restricting access to food sources

I have now retired to my bed to plan my counterattack. The Department for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs has issued the following advice for anyone whose property is attacked by wild birds:

What you can do without a licence

You must first try to resolve your wild bird problem using standard bird management options. You should try:

1. scaring the birds away using visual (eg scarecrows) or audible devices (including shooting to scare) PRIORITY
2. restricting access to food sources MANAGEABLE
3. stopping birds from roosting or nesting on your buildings or land by putting netting over vulnerable areas INTERESTING
4. managing nearby habitat to make it less attractive to birds N/A
5. maintaining a human presence around the site to deter birds POSSIBLE
6. using physical barriers to keep birds away DEFINITELY

I will draw upon this, and my extensive military experience, to plan my campaign against the local bird population. I will keep you informed of my progress.

MONTY THE GREAT

Categories: Greyhounds, Monty | Tags: , , ,

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