Monthly Archives: August 2016

130. Honeymoon Woods – by Chicken

Posted on August 9, 2016 by Mydogslife
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Talkering about getting married, and going in the digging pit

We did go for a walk in the lovely woods and it was all big and pretty. We had not been before, so it was all exciting. Then Monty did say that ifs he was going to have a holiday, he would like it to be in this woods.

So I did do thinking, and then said that we could come to the woods when we gets married, and have a holiday honeymoon here. Monty did think this was a goody idea, and then we did talk and talk and talk about getting married.

Then Monty did say we was having a Limpets competition, and we did do the jumping competition, and I did win. Then Monty did say that he had won, which all wasn’t true. I did tell him that he had put his foot down but he did say he hadn’t and then I did say that he had and then he did say that he hadn’t and then I was cross.

Monty did say that we was all having more Limpet competitions again the next time, so I did say we could have a digging competition which is in the digging pit. Monty did say the venue is immaterial, and we could all have the digging competition but that he would do his digging in a different other place. Then I did say NO! The digging competition is in the digging pit and ifs he doesn’t do it inside the digging pit, he will lose.

So I win.

Chicken xxx

Categories: Chicken, Greyhounds | Tags: ,

129. Independent Olympic Games – by Monty

Posted on August 8, 2016 by Mydogslife

I did some research in the area of outstanding athletic ability, and found some very interesting information. I had initially planned on entering only the running races at the Olympics, as this is where my talent really lies. However, the fastest man on Earth, Usain Bolt, has never exceeded 30mph, which is no competition for me. I thought it would be unfair to compete against him, so have decided to train for one of the other disciplines, with a view to entering the 2020 Olympic Games instead.

In the meantime, I have organised a schedule of athletic events, in which Chicken and I can compete against each other in our own Independent Olympic Games.

I decided to start with gymnastics, in an event which I have called precision jumping. The object is to clear an obstacle in the most graceful way. Points are awarded for asthetics, technical ability, execution and landing.

As usual, Chicken went first, and put in an acceptable performance, in that she did jump. I then followed, showing how it should have been done. When the points came in, I had won with a score of 15.266 against Chicken’s 14.938.

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Day 1 of the Independent Olympic Games

She was furious. She demanded to speak to the stupid judges. She said that there was no way I could have scored that highly, as I had put my foot down during the jump. This is total rubbish of course. I think I would have known if I’d put my own foot down.

When we got home, I took it upon myself to lecture her about good sportsmanship, and she took it upon herself to go and sulk in the pit. This really is not the kind of behaviour I expect at the Independent Olympic Games.

Monty

Categories: Greyhounds, Monty | Tags: ,

128. The Oil Limpets – by Chicken

Posted on August 7, 2016 by Mydogslife

Monty donty has all taken the remoty control for the tellybox, because he did say that he needed to watch the oil limpets. He did say everyone in the whole big world is watchering the oil limpets, so I did say everyone in the whole big world would be bored silly because oil limpets doesn’t even move a lot ever.

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The oil limpets

Monty told me that I was all wrong, and the limpets were very exciting on the tellybox. I did say if the limpets really is so exciting, why doesn’t he go to the big ocean and see the real things? He did say that he didn’t wants to fly that far. I did all not know that big Monty could do the flying, so now I does love him even more.

I did decide to tell Ugly Cats that Monty could fly, but then I did the thinking and did realise that Ugly Cats does not come to see me anymore. Then I was sad. Monty did tell me nots to worry, because cats does sometimes disappear for a few bits of times, and then they does come backs again. But he did also say that maybe Ugly Cats was staying away because he was fed up with me being rude to him.

So I did say that I would all be nicer and kindly friendly to Ugly Cats when he does the coming back. Monty did then gibber on about pigs flying, and I did say watching pigs flying was more interesting than watching limpets doing not much moving, so I did go out into the garden to wait for Ugly Cats and the flying piggies.

Chicken xxx

Categories: Chicken, Greyhounds | Tags:

127. It’s The Pits – by Chicken

Posted on August 6, 2016 by Mydogslife

My bestest birthday present is the sloth pit which is called the digging pit. Monty is all too scaredy to go in it, so it is all for me and not for him. We also did get a new other present which is a fire pit which we is not allowed to play with or go near in case it gets us, but it is still my present.

I did do the demonstrating of the digging, but then I did hurt myself with the ball. The Fairy and Arky did give me kisses and then it was all better, so everything is OK.

Monty did do his own demonstrating about being banned from going near our fire pit present. He is so good at “registering my  level of discontent with the standard of presents on offer.” 

Chicken xxx

Categories: Chicken, Greyhounds | Tags: ,

126. What Is Chicken’s Name? – by Monty

Posted on August 4, 2016 by Mydogslife
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Joint engineering project under way

Arky-Ollie-Just and I have commenced a joint project which involves the digging of two trenches. I’m obviously the project manager, having so much experience of trench building, and Arky-Ollie-Just is doing most of the labouring. We are in the process of remodeling the front of my property so that there is space for an additional vehicle. I have no particular preference for how this area will be finished off, as long as it is not gravel like it used to be, which I don’t like to walk on.

I informed Bob at the Council of said project, and he said that although he didn’t believe planning permission were needed, he still felt it prudent to inspect the area. He said he would visit at tea time, and that he would eat with us so that we wouldn’t have to change our tea time. He is so thoughtful.

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Stand-Still-Chicken

I’m a little bit confused by Arky-Ollie-Just’s inability to get Chicken’s name correct. He calls her Stand-Still-Chicken all the time. I spoke to The Fairy about Chicken’s name, and asked her to confirm that it had not been changed without my consent. She had also noticed that Arky-Ollie-Just calls her Stand-Still-Chicken, but said it didn’t really matter because Chicken answers to it anyway. I left the kitchen, but was called back almost immediately.

It was at this point, having been pushed out of the way and passed by Chicken, that I realised she also answers to the name Monty. The Fairy and I then conducted an experiment to see if she answers to anything else. She does:

Sweety, doggie, baby, loopy, rainbow, cowboy, trainer, T-shirt, elbow etc. Anything actually, with two syllables.

The Fairy says that she does know her name, and she’s just responding to the tone. It is my considered opinion that Chicken does know her name, and is responding to her stomach. It is quite common for us to receive a snack after being called into the kitchen. I think that when she hears the names Chicken or Monty, she thinks there is food in the offing and makes every effort to get to it before I do. It is also my considered opinion that she has included all other two-syllable words, just in case.

I cannot work out whether she is just a little bit dim, or whether she has unrecognised genius. I also cannot work out which is more dangerous.

Monty The Original

Categories: Greyhounds, Monty | Tags: ,

125. Hippo Birdy To Us – by Chicken

Posted on August 3, 2016 by Mydogslife
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Going out in my car on our birthmonth 

Not before a long time ago a few days ago, I did have a big birthday to say I was eight years old and more older than Monty.  Then all of a suddenly, Monty’s birthday did happen and he is also eight now but he is still youngerer than me, so I win.

I does have a proper birthday but Monty says his is a secret secret, so he just says he is born on the August first day. He did say that racing greyhounds sometimes just has a month as a birthday and not always a special day date. So then I did say we can have a birthmonth insteads of a birthday, and then we can all have 31 presents and not just one. Monty did say this was a goody idea, and my birthmonth is July and his birthmonth is August so office alley we should all get 62 presents altogether.

Our big present is the sloth pit which is called a digging pit. I does go in it and then Monty doesn’t go in it because he is scaredy pants. I does big digging all the time and I loves it. It did take a long time to build it and put sand in it and now the sand is all mixed up with the mud and it is all getting deeper.

Monty did say that he was going to make a list of the other 61 presents that he wants, so I did say this was a goody best idea and I would all do the same.

MONTY’s LIST

A new lead; a chemistry set; 59 rump steaks.

MY LIST

Two new leads; two chemical sets; 118 rumpy steaks; a real life fluffy bunny rabbit which I will look after and play with but not eat it; a bikini for my holidays; a full bag of rotty rotten fish heads to throw at Ugly Cats; some roller blades; 26 roll sausages in a bag which I is not sharing with Monty; driving lessons.

My list is betterer than his list.

Chicken xxx

Categories: Chicken, Greyhounds | Tags: ,

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