Monthly Archives: December 2016

167. Christmas Apparel – by Monty

Posted on December 14, 2016 by Mydogslife
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Getting into the Christmas spirit

Yesterday, Chicken drew my attention to a fox related problem. She is very upset that Foxy has been on the television and is boasting about it. I tried to tell her to ignore him, but she is very sensitive about her appearance at the moment as she still harbours the belief that she is a frog. It is doing her no good at all, listening to Foxy crow about how attractive and charismatic he is.

She has asked me to get rid of him, and as her Commanding Officer I do have a duty of care, and I do not take kindly to anyone upsetting her. She might be a tad prickly at times, but she is only little and I do care about her a lot. I have told her that I will draw up a plan to dispatch said fox.

From my office.

Christmas is fast approaching, so Chicken and I are getting into the spirit by wearing our special Christmas neckerchiefs. I find that carefully chosen festive apparel is a good way to spread some cheer.

Speaking of cheer, Chicken has suggested that we be merry on Christmas Eve, which I think is a jolly good idea. I’m not sure whether she intends to limit the merriment to just Christmas Eve, as in my opinion, Christmas Day also lends itself to jocularity.

I cannot imagine her objecting to being merry for the whole period, and I anticipate that we will have a harmonious and jovial time.

Monty

Categories: Greyhounds, Monty | Tags: ,

166. We Has Set The Date – by Chicken

Posted on December 13, 2016 by Mydogslife

I did go for a walks in the dark and Monty didn’t come with me because Monty thinks the big noises come in the dark so he is scaredy bum bum. Ugly Cats did see me and he did look at me all mean so I did shout at him.

Ugly Cats did say that Foxy was all getting on everyone’s nerves by talkering about being on the tellybox and being a national treasure and he isn’t one. Ugly Cats did say all the wildlife did want Monty to get rid of him and I did say that he would. Then Ugly Cats said he’d believe it when he saw it, because Monty doesn’t all do what he says he is going to do.

I did big shouting at him because he is all not allowed to say bad things about my Monty. Ugly Cats did say that Monty said he was going to marry me and then he didn’t marry me so he is right. I did say he was wrong and then I did tell him that he was smelly and then I did go home.

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Father Christmas and Rudolf is going to be at my wedding

Me and Monty did together do deciding and we did decide to get marry married on Christmas Eve and then I did have to go and tell Monty because he didn’t know yet.

Monty did say this was an acceptable proposition so I is all excited and I is going shopping with The Fairy to buy a new dress. I is going to invite Father Christmas and Rudolf to be at my wedding.

I is happy and Ugly Cats is smelly.

Chicken xxx

Categories: Chicken, Greyhounds | Tags: , , , , ,

165. Health And Safety Protocol Dilemma – by Monty

Posted on December 12, 2016 by Mydogslife

Bob from the Council turned up to carry out an inspection of our new race track, having been officially invited by my good self. I think it’s safe to say that he was very impressed, if his exclamation of, “I’ve never seen anything like it before,” is anything to go by.

Unfortunately it had rained the previous night, so there was some standing water visible, which drew his attention. I assured him that I was on top of the drainage issue, but he insisted that it required further investigation. At this point, I escorted him off my property, having deemed the inspection over.

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Where’s the dignity?

Today, I received a letter from Trent Water, informing me that they intend to carry out a survey to ascertain how water is drained from my race track, for which purpose they require access to my back garden. To say that I am perplexed is an understatement. To start with, I do not allow unauthorised access to my track, and secondly, I have until this point dealt only with Anglian Water, and don’t understand why they’re sticking their noses in. My own research has not yet uncovered any Trent Water interest in greyhound racing. I intend to contact them in the near future to discuss the situation.

Health and Safety protocol dictates that high viz jackets must be worn on construction sites at all times, as demonstrated by Bob from the Council on his recent visit. I am in the rather awkward position of not owning a high viz jacket, thus precluding me from visiting my own site. Chicken owns a high viz jacket which she has offered to lend me.

The problem with this, is that it doesn’t fit me. So I am now facing a difficult decision. Do I disregard the Health and Safety regulations and visit my site sans high viz jacket whilst retaining my dignity, or do I comply with the Health and Safety regulations, but lose my standing in society by wearing a coat with my bottom hanging out?

Nothing is easy.

Monty

Categories: Greyhounds, Monty | Tags: ,

164. I Is Not Snotty – by Chicken

Posted on December 11, 2016 by Mydogslife

Stink bum poxy Foxy did make me talk to him the other night and he did talkering for ages and ages and I all didn’t listen because Monty did tell me that I didn’t all have to listen to stinky bum foxes. He did tell me that he was more important than me and Monty because he is a film star. I did say he wasn’t a film star and he did say he was.

Stinky Foxy did say that he is on the tellybox all the every night in people’s houses. He did say everyone loves him because he can jump on a tramp and lean but I did say that I was betterer because I could do big jumpy jumps on my own and I didn’t need a tramp or a lean. So I win.

He did say I was being big headed and I did say that I didn’t have to speak to him because Monty did say greyhounds is all too soup area to speak to foxes and foxes have stinky bums. Foxy did say that he didn’t have to speak to me because he was a film star and  I did say get lost and he did say I was too snotty for him to speak to anyways.

Then I did go back to Monty and did ask him if I was all snotty and Monty donty did say that I was not snotty and Monty is right because Monty knows all everything.

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I is NOT snotty 

Chicken xxx

Categories: Chicken, Greyhounds | Tags:

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