Greyhounds

93. Sporting Injury – by Monty

Posted on May 21, 2016 by Mydogslife

I have had a rather unfortunate week. I caught my nail whilst out galloping with Chicken in the garden and it bled all over the living room floor. Then I slipped over and scraped my ankle on the pavers during a training session, and took the skin off it. This kept bleeding on and off for a few days so I had to have it bandaged up by Grandma. I have also had some mild stomach problems, but I don’t like to complain.

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Injury No.2

The thing about being ill or injured in my unit, is that you get very well taken care of. Too well, perhaps? I have been cuddled and kissed and fussed over by both of them. In fact, I haven’t had a minute’s peace and if I have to answer the, “Are you alright?” question one more time I think I will explode. They have changed my name to Poorly Monty. How dare they? On top of this, I’m being served dog food! This will continue until my stomach is better apparently. Dog food! Really?

I have received an official complaint about Chicken, from Ugly Cat. He started the conversation by offering his congratulations. I’m not sure which of my accomplishments he was referring to but I accepted anyway. He then said that Chicken had been rude to him, by not thanking him for the gifts which he had left. It turns out that the rotten fish head was his idea of a great present. I have no idea why he would want to give a present to a dog that is always trying to eat him, but each to his own.

I tried to speak to Chicken about it, but for the last few days she has been more distracted than usual. It was impossible to get her attention as she’s constantly singing something to herself and muttering about Arky-Ollie-Just coming home. Also, I don’t want to go too close in case she calls me Poorly Monty again and tries to look after me.

Monty

Categories: Greyhounds, Monty | Tags: , ,

92. The 2017 Winner Song – by Chicken

Posted on May 17, 2016 by Mydogslife

THE WEE SONG

Monty needs a wee

He cannot find a tree

The toilet door is shut

So he’ll wee on his own foot

BOOM! BOOM!

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Smelly Monty Wee Foot

I is thinking of making a video.

Chicken xxx

Categories: Chicken, Greyhounds

91. Your Rope He’s On Songing Competition – by Chicken

Posted on May 15, 2016 by Mydogslife

Last night in the very late at the night time, we did stay up late to watcher the Your Rope He’s On Songing Competition. The Fairy did falls asleep for a bits and then did wakes up again for the results of the big votering. I did gets some gooder ideas for my wedding dress, and Monty did watcher it because it is ‘culturally important.’

Halfs way through, big Monty did nearly have a heart attack because he all did realise that ifs we leave Your Rope, we all will not be allowed to do the songing competition again. He did say this was ‘incomprehensible’ and then I did say stop using big words. Bum.

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Thinking about his song

I did tells him that it would be OK because Australia was allowed to be in it and they was all far far away so Britain could be in it forever because we is close. Monty did say that Australia had a special inviteration and Britain might not be allowed in ifs we purposely choose to leaves. He did say that the big econ mists tell people that money holds Your Rope together, but really it is the Your Rope He’s On Songing Competition. He did say that if the songing competition breaks down, all the Your Rope’s countries will drift off in different directions and would end ups in the sea somewhere far aways.

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Thinking about my cakes

Monty did say he was all going to write to Graham Norton because he is in charge of the competition, and tell him to keep Britain in it before something bad happens. He then had the bestest, brilliant, goodest idea and did say he was all going to write a song and be in the competition next year. He did say that Arky-Ollie-Just would play the guitar and that Bob, Dave and me could be the baking singers. I did think this was a good idea and did say I would bake some cakes to take with us.

I did say he could write a song about doing the wees but Monty did say he was writing it about ‘the need for co-operation and tolerance in the field of political and financial associations with a view to advancing unity and stability within an ever-changing world.’ 

I is going to writes my own wee song in case his is rubbish.

Chicken xxx

Categories: Chicken, Greyhounds | Tags:

90. Monty’s Legs – by Chicken

Posted on May 13, 2016 by Mydogslife

Today all day it is Friday the 13th. Monty did say it was all just a normal day and that he would all looks after me anyways, but I did say it was unlucky. Monty did say we was all the luckiest people in the world in our unit and so I dids feel betterer. The Fairy did try to go backs to sleep on the settee but Monty stabbed her in the eyeball with his nails and this did help to get her ups.

Today we is going to Sister’s house to get extra cheese snacks and see Talking Cats. Talking Cats lives on the windowsill and does say ‘hello‘ and other things but I did say that I is amazed that he can gets a word in edgeways with The Fairy and Sister doing the chattering all the time. Monty did say I was all not allowed to be rude and I did say get lost. I is going to ask Talking Cats why cats behave funny, and I is going to tell him about being enraged.

The Fairy has all decidered to fill in the gooder trenches that I have made and it is all Monty’s fault. He was all just standing still in the very early today watchering the pigeons on the big roof, and then he did suddenly just fall in a trench for no reason. Monty did say there all had been another earthquake but I did say that nobody else feels Monty’s earthquakes and I did thinks he just can’t control his own legs. He did say that his legs were all ‘a natural result of 8000 years of royal lineage and perfectly formed’ and I did say maybe so but they is in the way.

I did tell him that he would have to organise his legs betterer when we both do sleep in the same bed and he did runned away looking scared. BOOM! BOOM!

Chicken xxx

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BOOM! BOOM!

 

Categories: Chicken, Greyhounds | Tags: , , ,

89. It’s My Bed And I’ll Sleep How I Want To – by Monty

Posted on May 12, 2016 by Mydogslife

As any respectable greyhound will tell you, The Bed is unsurpassed by anything when ranked in order of importance. It can, for some, become the centre of the universe. I have my security work and garden refurbishment to concentrate on, but above these, my bed receives my full attention. I am proficient at arranging it to my liking, and do not take kindly to any interference in this process. As you can see from the picture below, I have everything important within easy reach, including Alive Orange Blob who needs extra protection from Chicken when I am sleeping. It took me 15 minutes to arrange my bed in this manner.

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The perfect bed

So imagine my indignation when Chicken announced that I wasn’t allowed to have such a ‘messy’ bed, now that we were enraged. I told her in no uncertain terms that it’s my bed and I’ll arrange it how I like, and emotion has nothing to do with it. I said that there would be no further discussion about the matter, establishing this fact by going out into the garden.

This is what I ended up sleeping on when I returned from outside:

 

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Ridiculously tidy. Totally unnecessary.

I think I will have to re-establish my position in this household.

Monty

Categories: Greyhounds, Monty

88. Holibobs- by Chicken

Posted on May 11, 2016 by Mydogslife
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Getting extra goodies from Grandma 

We has all been on holibobs for some days to Grandma and Grandad’s house. I all did have to go to tells Big Rabbit that me and Monty is all enraged. Me and Big Rabbit did all talk about what we is going to wear and Big Rabbit did say that she needed a new hat. I is all so excited because now I is Monty’s fancy. We did get loads of extra sausages and cakes and cuddles at Grandma and Grandad’s house and did go out together with Big Rabbit.

We dids get home yesterday in the afternoon and all inspectored the house and garden to make sure everything is all safe. Monty did think that dangerous hedgehogs had been in the garden so checked all inches of it. When we did go for a walks it was all rainy wet so we did put our big coats on and big Monty did complain all the way. I did see Ugly Cats following us again so I was all mad.

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Sleeping on Grandad’s greyhound bed

This morning in the very early, I did go out but Monty did not go out because it was all still raining. Ugly Cats was sitting all ugly on the shed next door, so I did go to shout at him. He did say that I still hadn’t said thank you and I did say I had nothing to say thank you for and he did say he was hurt. Then he did say he had missed us and I did say that we had been to see Big Rabbit and talk about the enragement but that Ugly Cats wasn’t allowed to know because he wasn’t coming to the wedding and he did say he was even more hurt and I did say good. Ugly Cats did all look sad and did walk away sadly and then I did see my biggest trench so did go to do digging in it.

The Fairy did say that I all wasn’t allowed to bring the muddy mud into the house and did try to pull my feets off with a towel. Then Monty hero did save me by takings the big towel off The Fairy and running around with it. The Fairy did say she was all wanting to go backs to bed.

Chicken xxx

Categories: Chicken, Greyhounds | Tags: , ,

87. What’s Wrong With Chicken? – by Monty

Posted on May 5, 2016 by Mydogslife

Not an easy question to answer. Her behaviour on a normal day tires me out, but today she really has left me rather confused as well. Our day started well, with a game in the back garden followed by breakfast. When it was time to go out, she let me go first without the usual pushing and shoving, and in the car layed right next to me.

Half way around the lake, we happened upon the starting point of a sponsored run. The organisers had marked the start line with yellow balloons and an overhead banner. The number of injuries caused every year by balloons and overhead banners is astronomical, so I always advise caution. I’m not afraid of such things myself of course, but I had grave concerns for The Fairy and Chicken. For their sake, I put my head down and dragged my unit as quickly as possible passed the offending articles. As soon as we were out of danger, Chicken kissed me in order, she said, to make me feel better. I thanked her for her kindness but told her it wasn’t necessary.

As we got back into the car, I banged my foot and couldn’t help but cry out in pain. Repeatedly. I couldn’t put my foot down. I suspect the car was parked badly in a pothole, or more likely, was momentarily shifted off balance by an earthquake, as I do not normally misjudge jumps in this way. Chicken immediately came to comfort me by licking my ear. Back at home, we played with our toys and she didn’t shout at me once! What was going on?

I took advantage of her co-operative mood, and called a meeting to discuss the problem of Ugly Cat and his spying. I was able to speak about the situation for an extended period of time, with Chicken paying close attention to everything I said. She never took her eyes off me. I was very impressed with her, particularly when she demonstrated her understanding of the situation by stopping me to ask if we were enraged. I replied in the affirmative that we definitely were enraged, and that I was glad that we were of the same mind. I went on to say that we would remain enraged for a short time only, as I had already made plans which I intended to put into action very soon.

Apparently, this signalled the end of the meeting, as Chicken suddenly jumped up and ran off screaming and giggling into the garden. She was hysterical for some reason that I couldn’t understand. If I’d been able to catch her, I would have asked her what the cause was, but I doubt it is anything important.

Monty

Categories: Greyhounds, Monty | Tags:

86. The Spy Who Watched Me – by Monty

Posted on May 4, 2016 by Mydogslife
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Where did this come from?

This morning I awoke to find a strange little being on the patio. I decided not to investigate too closely, as Ugly Cat was sitting on the shed next door and I wanted to talk to him before he ran away. I informed him that I wished to speak to him about his following us on our patrols, and he agreed to a discussion.

I told him that I was the leader of a secret organisation and that his presence on our patrols was unwanted and extremely suspicious. I felt it was only fair to tell him that he was being closely observed and his movements were being monitored by members of my team.

Ugly Cat then astonished me by saying that I was the one being closely observed and monitored by him. Ridiculous! He also said that he wasn’t following us on our patrols, but was instead ahead of us as he already knew our routes. I replied that this was impossible, as our secret routes were known only to the secret members of my secret organisation. He then rather cryptically said that he ‘had his sources.’ 

I warned him not to cross the line where I was concerned, and reminded him that I am a trained professional. He was rude enough to laugh, and asked if I was trained to play in mud. When I demanded that he explain himself, he said that he knew all about the mud heads. I was furious by this time! How could he possibly know about my Mud Head Project? I made it very clear how angry I was and although he shouted that he wasn’t frightened of me, he did run away. The universal language of raised heckles works every time.

I have come to the conclusion that Ugly Cat has spies working for him, so I must make it a priority to identify and eliminate those involved. This is serious business, and must be approached in the most serious manner. Despite this, I tried to speak to Chicken about it, but she had found the little being by then and was busy throwing it in the air and catching it. I left her to it, and retired to my bed to formulate a plan.

Monty

Categories: Greyhounds, Monty | Tags: , ,

85. My Monty Lovely Bum- by Chicken

Posted on May 3, 2016 by Mydogslife

I has been all angry cross with Ugly Cat because he did all throw an old, rotty fish head in my garden. Monty did say he would tell Ugly Cat off, but I did see him this morning so I did tell him off first. I did tells him that me and big Monty were all going to make mud heads and we is going to make one of him with a big head and a big bottom. He did hiss at me and then went away all huffy and upset.

I did decides to marry Monty again, so I did go to sit with him in his bed and he didn’t gets up so we did sit together. I did tell him that we was getting married, and then he dids get up and go and hide under the table. Then I was sad. Then I did think that I would be all lovely lovely to him from now on and that then he will all wants to marry me.

When we all did go to the lake, a Puggy dog did come and play with him and she did kiss his face so I did say get lost to her. Monty did all say that it wasn’t his fault that everyone loved him and that he couldn’t help being handsome. Then he was all attacked by a mini Yorkshire Terry who did bark at his foot. Monty did just stare at it and did not know what it was. So I did all look after him by pushing in the way of the little doggie.

We did go to visit Big Rabbit and she did teacher me all how to keep cats out the garden. When we all did get home I did have a big sleep and I did dream that Ugly Cats was throwing fish at me, but I did put my tongue out at him all rude. BOOM! BOOM!

Chicken xxx

Categories: Chicken, Greyhounds | Tags:

84. Monty Hiccup Burp Boy – by Chicken

Posted on April 30, 2016 by Mydogslife

I loves, loves, loves Monty!

Chicken xxx

Categories: Greyhounds

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