Posts Tagged With: Training

78. Mixed Results – by Monty

Posted on April 22, 2016 by Mydogslife
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The damage can be clearly seen

Yesterday The Fairy cut the mud in the back garden. It looks a lot tidier and the full extent of the damage can now be clearly seen. Ugly Cat appeared on the fence and had a long, private conversation with Chicken. I did not get involved in this, as I was busy guiding The Fairy at the time. I find that running directly in the path of the lawn mower is the best technique here.

Last night we embarked on our first reconnaissance mission and I’m pleased to report it was a success of sorts. I had devised a recording system to allow all members of the team to accurately document any findings. The recording sheets were returned to me in various states of disrepair, and did not yield as much information as I had hoped.

Bob from the Council screwed up his bit of paper as soon as we left the unit and threw it on the floor, but was asked by PC Dave from the Station to pick it up straight away as it contravened the Clean Neighbourhoods and Environment Act 2005. The Fairy mentioned that you can report littering to the Council so Bob said it made more sense for him to report himself to himself in the morning, thus negating the need for Dave to handcuff him and take him to the Station. Dave agreed to this, in the interest of reducing the amount of paperwork he had to do.

Dave had used his to draft out a written warning to Bob about littering; The Fairy had drawn a basic street plan and marked on it every shrub or plant that she liked the look of, with the intention of returning in daylight to inspect them further; and Chicken had used hers to write a love letter to Jurgen Klopp. It became apparent that more training was required vis-a-vis the recording sheets. It is my belief that those responsible for the illegal fracking had got wind of our patrol, and shut down operations for the night. In this respect, our patrol was highly successful.

Upon our return we had a long debriefing over cake and coffee, during which it was again raised as an issue that Chicken was responsible for all the damage in the garden. Chicken said that it was Ugly Cat, and also went on to accuse me of contributing to the disintegration of the lawn without realising it. Outrageous!

Does she think I’m some sort of idiot?

Monty

Categories: Chicken, Greyhounds | Tags: , , , , , , ,

66. Further Hole Discovered – by Monty

Posted on March 31, 2016 by Mydogslife
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Unexplained hole which appeared in the same spot where Chicken had been sunbathing

There appears to be a communication problem with the kitchen staff. Although I order well in advance, I keep being presented with dog food concoctions instead of steak. Due to other pressing matters however, I will have to deal with this at a later date.

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Chicken sunbathing in safer times

It seems the ground is far more unstable than I had thought. Another large hole has opened up overnight in the exact spot where Chicken had been sunbathing. I’m worried that the whole garden will disintegrate if something is not done quickly, and it would be tragic if Chicken disappeared into a hole in the ground. I might need to cordon off the garden for safety’s sake. Chicken tried to blame it on Ugly Cat, who she says has been watching her again, but I doubt it has the necessary skill to dig such a deep hole. It is more likely to be the result of the illegal fracking and it is high time this was stopped.

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Protecting orange toy

I intend calling an emergency meeting in the near future. Arky-Ollie-Just, PC Dave from the Station, Bob at the Council and Simon from the DECC will all be invited. Chicken will be in attendance but will be given strict instructions not to say anything.

Speaking of Chicken, she has been working hard during our training sessions and I am pleased with the progress she is making. She has developed an obsession with my new orange toy however, so I am having to carry it around with me everywhere. This is just to keep it safe though; not because I am in love with it.

Monty

Categories: Greyhounds, Monty | Tags: , , , , ,

61. Hill Training – by Monty

Posted on March 23, 2016 by Mydogslife
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Sprint training

When I woke up yesterday I knew instinctively that something was amiss but couldn’t quite put my finger on it. It was not until Chicken and The Fairy went out into the garden to check the snail house that I could see what the problem was. The Fairy now has purple hair. There is some debate about a dog’s ability to see in colour, but it’s definitely purple. I do not respond well when a member of my unit is attacked, and as soon as I find out who did it, I will make sure they are incapable of inflicting this type of injury on anyone else ever again.

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Chicken digging her own trench

With regards to training, I decided to take my unit out to improve the overall fitness level and stamina. Chicken gives me no cause for concern but The Fairy is proving to be the weakest link. The first activity I embarked upon was hill training. I tried to keep up a brisk pace and Chicken coped admirably, but The Fairy moaned and complained all the way to the top. This gives me great cause for concern as the annual fitness test is coming up and I refuse to have one of my company fail. She has a lot of work to do.

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Guard duty

Upon our return, I conducted a short sprinting exercise which we all enjoyed. Chicken then spoilt my whole day by insisting on digging out her so called trench. I thought she had forgotten about it but she returned to it time and time again. I tried to tell her that Bob at the Council had not given her planning permission but she said she didn’t care. I had to stay on guard duty nearly the whole day to prevent her causing further damage.

I have invited Dave from the Station over at the weekend, and I do not want him to:

  1. Think that I cannot control the members of my unit.
  2. See a great big galloping trench in the garden which could be used for conducting some kind of anti-social behaviour.

Monty

Categories: Greyhounds, Monty | Tags: ,

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