Posts Tagged With: Health

203. The Fat Greyhound Story – by Chicken

Posted on July 5, 2017 by Mydogslife

THE FAT GREYHOUND 

Once upon a there was a big dog called Monty McDonty and he was big. He did live with a beautiful princess who is called Princess Chicken. They did live with a servant who did bring them lovely food food all the day.

Monty McDonty one day did start to get greedy and did start to all eat too much everything. Roll sausage in a bag. Then he did get lazy and he did get chubby chubby bum bum. 

Beautiful Princess Chicken did say to him to stop all eating too much and get out doing the big exercising but Monty McDonty was thickie so didn’t listen. 

So he did get all more chubby. 

One day, in the daytime they did both go to see the man at the big kennels and he did say that I was the beautiful Princess Chicken was beautiful, but that Monty McDonty was all too biggy big. So the servant did put him on a diet. 

Then the beautiful Princess Chicken did find out that I was on a diet too and I did blame Monty McDonty because it is all his fault. So the beautiful Princess Chicken did deciding and did decide to kick him in the head but then she did throw a big book at him instead and it did bounce off his chubby bum.

Then she did change his name to Fatty McFatface. 

So I win the end.

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Lazy greyhound Fatty McFatface

By Beautiful Chicken 

 

Categories: Chicken, Greyhounds | Tags: ,

202. Is It Legal? – by Monty

Posted on June 28, 2017 by Mydogslife

Is it legal?

This is the question I have put to the RSPCA; the vet; the lady who runs the rehoming centre where we came from; the trainer who had the honour of looking after me for four years; the local NHS representative; Bob at the Council; the manager of the dogfood shop we are banned from for weeing repeatedly on their stock, and the postman.

Is it legal to feed thoroughbred greyhounds on grit and builders’ gravel?

The answer apparently, is yes. As long as said grit and builders’ gravel is labelled as dog food.

Outrageous! Where are my sausages? My steaks? My 12 dentastix a day, my cakes, my ham sandwiches, my black pudding, my roast chicken, my custard creams and my ice-cream? I miss them.

Just because somebody with 40 years experience of working with greyhounds said I was slightly overweight, doesn’t mean I am. It certainly doesn’t mean I should be put on a diet. Outrageous!

It’s MUSCLE!

Monty

Categories: Greyhounds, Monty | Tags: , ,

201. Monty’s Tantrum – by Chicken

Posted on June 22, 2017 by Mydogslife

Monty is all not coping with not being the Prime Ministers; he is not coping with being inside because of the hotty hot, and he is not coping with being on the big diet.

I was all going to kick him in the head to make him stop doing the tantrumming but I did deciding and did decide not to stop him because he did have his teeth with him.

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Monty’s tantrum

Chicken

Categories: Chicken, Greyhounds | Tags: , ,

199. Election Conspiracy – by Monty

Posted on June 19, 2017 by Mydogslife

It is entirely possible that Chicken and I may not be the Prime Ministers. This is the conclusion I have drawn, after looking at all the available evidence. The official line is that our Greyhounds In Charge Party was never put forward to run in the election. I, however, smell CONSPIRACY.

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Hung parliament 

I intend to continue with my fight, and will not stop until I have taken up my rightful place as leader of this country. Chicken concurs. Our Deputy Prime Minister has literally been hung out to dry. On the washing line. The Mum of our Refreshments Minister, Miss Daisydog, said it was a hung parliament and she was right. Big Ted concurs.

 

For the last few days, Chicken and I have been held prisoner in our own unit. There was some talk of The Fairy saying that the patio was hurting her feet, as a result of which, we are not allowed to go for walks. This makes no sense at all. It is very cool in the living room so I see no reason why anybody would suggest it is too hot to go for a simple walk. I have made my objections known. Unfortunately, all my jumping around and protestations have had a nil effect.

So. I’m not the Prime Minister yet, I’m stuck in the house because of a small amount of weather, AND I have been informed that I am on a diet. Hoorah.

Monty

Categories: Greyhounds, Monty | Tags: , ,

186. I Is NOT Incompetent – by Chicken

Posted on April 5, 2017 by Mydogslife

BOOM! BOOM!

I did go to see the vetty vet and Monty McDonty did not all go with me because he did have something important to do in his office and he didn’t come out his office so we left him.

Then the vetty vet did say I was incompetent and then she did try to give me a biscuit but I did decidered not to eat it because Monty did say he doesn’t eat anything the vetty vet does gives him until he has had it analysed for medicinal ingredients and determined it to be necessary. He did say the vetty vet tries to trick him into eating medicine but he doesn’t fall for it, so I did decide not to fall over either. The vetty vet did say she could give me medicine to make me non-incompetent so I is going to ask Monty if this is necessary.

When I did gets home I did tell Monty that the vet did say I was incompetent and he was all angry mad and did standing up for me so I does love him again today. He did say that telling young ladies that they is incompetent damages their self steam and limits their pot end shells. He did say he was going to give her a piece of his mind but he didn’t know when he would all get the time to go down there.

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Me being non-incompetent 

He did say I was not incompetent at all and that I was very competent and useful at times and that there was much things I was all goody at so I didn’t need to eat the medicine. I did ask him to tell me all the things I was goody at and he did say there was too many loads to mention. Then I did ask him to say just one thing that I was goody at and he did say it was all better if he did write everything down on a big list and he did go in his office to plan my big list.

He is still there.

Working on my big list.

Chicken

Categories: Chicken, Greyhounds | Tags: ,

183. Windy Woes – by Chicken

Posted on February 22, 2017 by Mydogslife

BOOM! BOOM! Chicky, Chicky!

Chicky, Chicky, BOOM BOOM!

BOOM! BOOM! Chicky, Chicky, BOOM! BOOM!

I is back! I has all managed to steal the iPaddy off Monty donty wee foot.

Last nighty in the dark time I did go for a walks all on my own and I was with Arky. Ugly Cats did follow me and he did tell me that he was going to find a place to hide from the big wind because the big wind was coming. He did say that I had to all hide and I did say that Monty would all take care of me. Ugly Cats did laughing and did say that I all wouldn’t be safe if it was left to Monty. I did big barking at him because he is not allowed to say things about Monty.

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Keepering my nose safe.

Then I did go home and I did tell The Fairy that Monty’s big wind was coming and I did have to hide. The Fairy did say that Monty’s wind would all be the same as normal and I would still be safe near him. She did say that he wasn’t all about to explode so I dids not need to worry.

I did some remembering and did remember that Monty did exploding in the garden when he did eat a whole big cake. When I asked Monty about his exploding bottom he did remembering as well, and did realise that he hadn’t had a big cake for years and years months. He did go off to the food kitchen to all find out where his cake was.

I did go off to all look for a gas mask.

Chicken

Categories: Chicken, Greyhounds | Tags: , ,

182. The Grand Re-opening – by Monty

Posted on February 21, 2017 by Mydogslife

Winter has been a disappointment with regards to snow, but I am very pleased to see temperatures rising now as we head towards Spring. Today was warm enough for us to begin work on my garden. I was able to inspect my race track in detail, and found it to be in excellent condition. There was some talk of planting flowers around it, but I have not yet agreed to this plan.

Having tested the outside temperature, wind speed and direction, cloud cover and the firmness of the ground, I determined that the going was good, so I gave permission for my digging pit to be re-opened.

Both Chicken and I thoroughly enjoyed our first foray of the year into my pit. I had quite forgotten how much fun it is. The Fairy made a video which clearly shows my superior digging skills compared to Chicken’s.  Chicken says the parts of the video which show me digging are boring and go on too long, and has suggested that you only watch the parts that she is in.

I disagree.

Monty The Great

 

Categories: Greyhounds, Monty | Tags: , , ,

181. Chicken’s Sick Incident – by Monty

Posted on February 20, 2017 by Mydogslife

WARNING: THIS POST CONTAINS NAUSEATING CONTENT

Food. It’s important. Greyhounds have a very discerning palette, unlike some dogs who are known to eat anything and everything. People try their best to make mealtimes as interesting as possible, but I say this is unnecessary. Just give us the good quality food we deserve and leave it at that.

The Fairy, for example, likes to hide our food under handfuls of dog food thus forcing us to sort through it and dig for the good stuff. She thinks we enjoy this added challenge whereas we think it just slows the whole process down. Chicken digs around with her nose until she finds the real food, but I have a more efficient method which involves taking the dog food out with my mouth and spitting it on the floor first.

When we eat, we concentrate on our own bowls and there isn’t a problem. When something of high value is involved however, Chicken becomes very possessive and stressed. One day, we managed to acquire a croissant each. I ate mine, but Chicken took hers to her basket and sat on it. She was then unable to leave her basket, for fear that I might steal it. Furthermore, she snapped and barked at me every time I went near her. Fair enough I say, as the croissant was very tempting.

Now let us fast forward to the 18th of February 2017, when The Fairy got it right, and we were given pure chicken for tea. We both ate heartily, but five minutes later, Chicken went out into the garden and vomited the whole lot up. A few seconds later, I decided to go out, and when the door was opened, Chicken pushed passed me and flew out to take up a position just in front of her pile of sick. She then started barking at me, shouting that it was her sick, and therefore I wasn’t allowed to eat it.

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Where’s my chicken?

Her possessiveness over high value food even extends to things she has already eaten and subsequently rejected. What on earth made her think I would want to eat the chicken that she had razzed all over the grass? I hasten to add that she didn’t bark at The Fairy when she cleared it up and put it in the bin, so it’s just me that she has a low opinion of. How dare she assume that a thoroughbred of my caliber would eat vomit?

Moral of the story: Don’t come between Chicken and her chicken.

Monty The Great

 

Categories: Greyhounds, Monty | Tags: ,

162. Greyhounds Drugged – by Monty

Posted on November 7, 2016 by Mydogslife

The lashed few days hash been a blur. I hash attempted to contasht PC Dave at the Shtation, but can’t use the phone. I hash been drugged, and to make shmatters worse, there’s loadsh of fireworks. Which ish the short of time that I need all my faculshies.

The Fairy shes itsh for my own good, but itsh not. Shicken hash alsho been drugged. I know thish, because she’s shtanding shtill.

I’m sho shpaced out, that I don’t care about the fireworks. They’ve been going offsh for daysh. Shicken ish shtill shtanding shtill.

Hahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaa…….sh.

Montshy hahahahahaha

Categories: Greyhounds, Monty | Tags: ,

158. The Usefulness Of Chicken – by Monty

Posted on October 23, 2016 by Mydogslife

Chicken’s capacity to be useful has come into question recently. The Fairy has suffered first hand at Chicken’s head so to speak, but to be honest, I think she should stop mentioning it now as she has milked it for all it’s worth. PC Dave at the station said he couldn’t proceed with any prosecution in the absence of a complaint, and The Fairy said she won’t make a complaint because she loves Chicken and knows she didn’t mean it. Chicken continues to deny all knowledge.

There are times however, when Chicken can be very useful indeed. At such times I am very proud to be her Commanding Officer.

Let’s discuss medicine.

It’s expensive to start with, so people wouldn’t buy it for us unless it was necessary, and of course – it works. If we are ill, it is most important that we take our medicine at the appropriate times and in the appropriate amount. I have no objection to this, as long as I have pre-approved said medicine.

If, on the other hand, I am being fed some new age herbal concoction that I have not requested, I am of a different mind. The label may say it helps dogs and cats deal with the trauma of fireworks, but I say if I haven’t ordered it myself, I will not eat it.

I am particularly proficient at identifying any foreign body in my food, and eating around it. Due to this, The Fairy has taken to hiding the tablets inside cheese or meat paste. I suspect one or two tablets have made it into my system, but I am becoming better at locating them and spitting them out. To counteract this, The Fairy always checks the floor and then attempts to re-administer any stray tablets.

The question I was wrestling with was this: Where can I hide the wet and sticky spit-out tablet?

Enter Chicken:

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Stuck like glue

It took The Fairy fifteen minutes to find it.

Monty

Categories: Greyhounds, Monty | Tags: , ,

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