Posts Tagged With: Health

I did some research in the area of outstanding athletic ability, and found some very interesting information. I had initially planned on entering only the running races at the Olympics, as this is where my talent really lies. However, the fastest man on Earth, Usain Bolt, has never exceeded 30mph, which is no competition for me. I thought it would be unfair to compete against him, so have decided to train for one of the other disciplines, with a view to entering the 2020 Olympic Games instead.

In the meantime, I have organised a schedule of athletic events, in which Chicken and I can compete against each other in our own Independent Olympic Games.

I decided to start with gymnastics, in an event which I have called precision jumping. The object is to clear an obstacle in the most graceful way. Points are awarded for asthetics, technical ability, execution and landing.

As usual, Chicken went first, and put in an acceptable performance, in that she did jump. I then followed, showing how it should have been done. When the points came in, I had won with a score of 15.266 against Chicken’s 14.938.

Day 1 of the Independent Olympic Games

She was furious. She demanded to speak to the stupid judges. She said that there was no way I could have scored that highly, as I had put my foot down during the jump. This is total rubbish of course. I think I would have known if I’d put my own foot down.

When we got home, I took it upon myself to lecture her about good sportsmanship, and she took it upon herself to go and sulk in the pit. This really is not the kind of behaviour I expect at the Independent Olympic Games.

Monty

Two days ago I was invited to return to my kennels. I was pleased about this, as I spent four years of my life there and was a particular favourite. Upon entering the establishment, I was greeted by a round of applause greyhound style, which I felt was fitting.

I completed an inspection of the premises by 8am and was then settled into a double room with quilts, along with Chicken who had insisted on coming along with me. I had a long conversation with the large greyhound next door; an old friend of mine called Big Mac. He’s currently training to take part in next year’s Britain’s Strongest Man competition, so we whiled away the time talking about training techniques, and the discrimination that greyhounds face when trying to enter human competitions.

Late in the morning I delivered two training sessions to separate groups of greyhounds. The first was on counter steering, and aimed at those still racing. Cornering well can make all the difference. The second was a lecture which I delivered to those who had already, or were about to, retire. It was based on the book How To Win Yourself A Home And Control Your Humans Once You’ve Got There, and also on my own experience. I was heckled throughout by one particular Chicken, who kept shouting bum from the back. I rose above it.

Back at home after a long day

Later in the afternoon, I had a small corn removed from my foot which made me feel a lot better and allowed me to walk properly again without pain. This situation was short lived however, as I cut the top of my front foot whilst conducting a parade in the paddock. Chicken said she wanted one too, but I said she wouldn’t be able to cope with it. She said she could cope with about ten of them, which I doubt.

I don’t like to complain as you know, but if I had to complain about anything, it would be the caterers. They completely forgot my steak order. But I don’t like to complain.

Monty The Great