Chicken

102. Burnt Foody Day – by Chicken

Posted on June 8, 2016 by Mydogslife

Today is a big important day because we is all having a Barbie Que. Clever Monty did tells me all about the big food being cooked on the fire coal and that doggies get more food than normals. He did say that it was the law that any foods which do fall on the floor, belong to the doggies. Sausages do fall a lot because they is difficult to hold. He said people like to burn foods over the coals because it all does remind them of when they were cavemen. I did ask him if greyhounds used to before live in the caves, and he did say we only lived with big posh royal people, and that our ant sisters wouldn’t be seen dead in a cave. Monty did say that he will tell Bob from the Council to all do the food burning, because he will be rubbish at keeping hold of the sausages and we will all gets loads more food off the floor. He is so clever. Monty did say he will all be in charge of the safety.

Yesterday in the morning, we dids find a new walk. We did walking on the path for a bit, and then on the way back we did walk through the woods up the hill. The Fairy did complain but me and Monty did enjoy it and then when we did come out the woods, we was all at the top of a steep hill. But there was a bigger tree which was having a sleep on the path. The Fairy did climb over it and then all of a sudden me and Monty was at the wrong other side of the tree. There was a gappy gap under it but it wasn’t very big, so I did jumped over it all easy because I is like a kangaroo. So then Monty was on his own alone on the wrong side.

Monty did wait for the man to come and all move the tree but he didn’t come and I did say hurry up slow coach because I dids want to all run down the hill. Monty did say he was all going to assess the situation first. So then he did look underneath but his big bottom wouldn’t go through. Then he did look over the top but it was too scary high. Then he did walk along it to see if there was all a door somewhere. Then he did check the angles and the wind direction and the temperature of the tree, and then The Fairy did say we would have to go back because she couldn’t all pick up a 36 kilometre dog. So I did say stop messing about fatty and get over the tree.

Then all of a suddens big, strong Monty did jump over the log and we was all pleased but Monty couldn’t stop so we all had to run down the hill. But I dids jump over the tree first, so I win.

BOOM! BOOM!

Chicken xxx

Categories: Chicken, Greyhounds

100. History Spider – by Chicken

Posted on June 4, 2016 by Mydogslife

Yesterday I dids ring Arky to tell him about the swimming spider, and then I dids tell him that Monty was all being slow at getting married. Arky said that I should all try being extra nice to big Monty and I did say I would bakes him a cake. Then Arky did say that spiders is very important and that he knew a history story about a spider that would help me keeps trying to be being married and helps me to be paint shirt and then he did tell me this history story about the history spider:

All upon the once time in the history time, the big history King did fast running until he did find a big cave. Then he did sit down in the middle of the cave and put the telly box on. But he all didn’t know that the cave belonged to the biggest biggerer spider in the whole world. The spider wanted to go shoppering to gets some sausages and a new toy, but the big King was all in the way.

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History spider

The spider did shout at the King to get lost, but the King didn’t hear him so he waved all his leggy legs around and then the King did see him. But the King didn’t get out the way so the spider had a gooder idea. He did know that people is all scared of spiders dropping on them, so he did decide to be pretending that he was all going to drop on the King and go in his mouth. So the spider dropped down a bit on the silk just like Spider-Man and the King did see him, but he didn’t get out the way. So the spider did climb up again and did drop again to frighten the King again so he would all get out the way.

Then the spider did gets a bit angry because the King still didn’t move out the way, and the spider did all have to climb back ups again and drop down again and it all did takes a long time. When the spider had dropped down nine times and the King still hadn’t moved, the spider did shout at him and did throw a shoe at him which he had stolen from Ugly Cats but the King just did the staring all the time and none of the getting out the way. All the spider’s legs were tired so he all did decide to give up and just walk across the ceiling instead.

As soon as the spider started all the long walks on the ceiling, the big history King did stand up and go out the cave and get out the way. Then the spider did go swimming instead because all the shoppy shops were closed. THE END

So I did thinks about this and then I did more thinking and did decide that being paint shirt was stupid and then I dids decide to bake Monty a cake and then I is going to tell him that if he doesn’t marry me soon I is all going to put a spider in his bed.

Then Arky did say that that was not all his spider story at all and ifs I did tell the peoples that he had all said that, his repute station as a historical history man would be ruined and he would all have to go and live in a cave.

So I dids tells him that I all wouldn’t tell anyone and Arky did say he would cooks sausages for me.

Chicken xxx

 

Categories: Chicken, Greyhounds

98. Being Nice To Ugly Cats – by Chicken

Posted on June 2, 2016 by Mydogslife
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Monty bum bum still in bed

It is all still early wurly and I has already been out in the big garden to do the digging in the found stations. Monty did go back to bed because he is tired bum bum, and The Fairy is having coffee to try to makes her eyes work. Ugly Cats did come onto the shed roof next door and I did go to eats him, and then I did remembering, and did remember that Monty did say I all had to say thank you for the smelly rotten rotty fish head. Silly Monty.

So I did say thank you for the stupid rotty rotten smelly stupid fish head, and Ugly Cats did say that he didn’t thinks I liked it. I did say that I didn’t like the rotty fish head, but that Monty did say I had to say thank you. Ugly Cats then did say that he did think Monty was the most bestest boy dog ever and that I was the bestest girl dog ever and I did tell him that he was right. Then he did say that he was upset when I all didn’t like the fish head so he had got me the betterer present of the little alien man. I dids not all know that he had got me this gooder present, so then I did get happy and did say thank you all properly.

Then I did tell Ugly Cats about my special poo and he did say that he could brings me another one, but that he’ll all have to go far aways to get it, because he all has an agreements with the local rats not to gets them. He then did all say that he had special information for big Monty about the frackering, and I hads to tell Monty to come and talks to him but I did say Monty donty was all still in beds.

Then I did tells him all about the new bigger patty that Monty is all going to build and the bigger shed and Ugly Cats did ask if he could sit on the roof of my new bigger shed when it is all finishered because we is all friends now and I did say get lost. BOOM! BOOM!

Chicken xxx

Categories: Chicken, Greyhounds | Tags: , ,

95. Dreamboat Monty – by Chicken

Posted on May 25, 2016 by Mydogslife

Bossy Boots Monty did all think he could tells me what to do so I did say no chance Bossy Monty, you is not the bossy boss of me! I did decides to get my own back.

Then we did go to Grandad and Grandma’s and Monty did go to sleep on the big greyhound bed. Then he did start to dream and I did say to Big Rabbit that he does dream like a girl and then she did laugh and I did laugh because Monty does dream like a girly girl. BOOM! BOOM!

Categories: Chicken, Greyhounds | Tags: ,

92. The 2017 Winner Song – by Chicken

Posted on May 17, 2016 by Mydogslife

THE WEE SONG

Monty needs a wee

He cannot find a tree

The toilet door is shut

So he’ll wee on his own foot

BOOM! BOOM!

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Smelly Monty Wee Foot

I is thinking of making a video.

Chicken xxx

Categories: Chicken, Greyhounds

91. Your Rope He’s On Songing Competition – by Chicken

Posted on May 15, 2016 by Mydogslife

Last night in the very late at the night time, we did stay up late to watcher the Your Rope He’s On Songing Competition. The Fairy did falls asleep for a bits and then did wakes up again for the results of the big votering. I did gets some gooder ideas for my wedding dress, and Monty did watcher it because it is ‘culturally important.’

Halfs way through, big Monty did nearly have a heart attack because he all did realise that ifs we leave Your Rope, we all will not be allowed to do the songing competition again. He did say this was ‘incomprehensible’ and then I did say stop using big words. Bum.

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Thinking about his song

I did tells him that it would be OK because Australia was allowed to be in it and they was all far far away so Britain could be in it forever because we is close. Monty did say that Australia had a special inviteration and Britain might not be allowed in ifs we purposely choose to leaves. He did say that the big econ mists tell people that money holds Your Rope together, but really it is the Your Rope He’s On Songing Competition. He did say that if the songing competition breaks down, all the Your Rope’s countries will drift off in different directions and would end ups in the sea somewhere far aways.

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Thinking about my cakes

Monty did say he was all going to write to Graham Norton because he is in charge of the competition, and tell him to keep Britain in it before something bad happens. He then had the bestest, brilliant, goodest idea and did say he was all going to write a song and be in the competition next year. He did say that Arky-Ollie-Just would play the guitar and that Bob, Dave and me could be the baking singers. I did think this was a good idea and did say I would bake some cakes to take with us.

I did say he could write a song about doing the wees but Monty did say he was writing it about ‘the need for co-operation and tolerance in the field of political and financial associations with a view to advancing unity and stability within an ever-changing world.’ 

I is going to writes my own wee song in case his is rubbish.

Chicken xxx

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90. Monty’s Legs – by Chicken

Posted on May 13, 2016 by Mydogslife

Today all day it is Friday the 13th. Monty did say it was all just a normal day and that he would all looks after me anyways, but I did say it was unlucky. Monty did say we was all the luckiest people in the world in our unit and so I dids feel betterer. The Fairy did try to go backs to sleep on the settee but Monty stabbed her in the eyeball with his nails and this did help to get her ups.

Today we is going to Sister’s house to get extra cheese snacks and see Talking Cats. Talking Cats lives on the windowsill and does say ‘hello‘ and other things but I did say that I is amazed that he can gets a word in edgeways with The Fairy and Sister doing the chattering all the time. Monty did say I was all not allowed to be rude and I did say get lost. I is going to ask Talking Cats why cats behave funny, and I is going to tell him about being enraged.

The Fairy has all decidered to fill in the gooder trenches that I have made and it is all Monty’s fault. He was all just standing still in the very early today watchering the pigeons on the big roof, and then he did suddenly just fall in a trench for no reason. Monty did say there all had been another earthquake but I did say that nobody else feels Monty’s earthquakes and I did thinks he just can’t control his own legs. He did say that his legs were all ‘a natural result of 8000 years of royal lineage and perfectly formed’ and I did say maybe so but they is in the way.

I did tell him that he would have to organise his legs betterer when we both do sleep in the same bed and he did runned away looking scared. BOOM! BOOM!

Chicken xxx

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BOOM! BOOM!

 

Categories: Chicken, Greyhounds | Tags: , , ,

88. Holibobs- by Chicken

Posted on May 11, 2016 by Mydogslife
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Getting extra goodies from Grandma 

We has all been on holibobs for some days to Grandma and Grandad’s house. I all did have to go to tells Big Rabbit that me and Monty is all enraged. Me and Big Rabbit did all talk about what we is going to wear and Big Rabbit did say that she needed a new hat. I is all so excited because now I is Monty’s fancy. We did get loads of extra sausages and cakes and cuddles at Grandma and Grandad’s house and did go out together with Big Rabbit.

We dids get home yesterday in the afternoon and all inspectored the house and garden to make sure everything is all safe. Monty did think that dangerous hedgehogs had been in the garden so checked all inches of it. When we did go for a walks it was all rainy wet so we did put our big coats on and big Monty did complain all the way. I did see Ugly Cats following us again so I was all mad.

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Sleeping on Grandad’s greyhound bed

This morning in the very early, I did go out but Monty did not go out because it was all still raining. Ugly Cats was sitting all ugly on the shed next door, so I did go to shout at him. He did say that I still hadn’t said thank you and I did say I had nothing to say thank you for and he did say he was hurt. Then he did say he had missed us and I did say that we had been to see Big Rabbit and talk about the enragement but that Ugly Cats wasn’t allowed to know because he wasn’t coming to the wedding and he did say he was even more hurt and I did say good. Ugly Cats did all look sad and did walk away sadly and then I did see my biggest trench so did go to do digging in it.

The Fairy did say that I all wasn’t allowed to bring the muddy mud into the house and did try to pull my feets off with a towel. Then Monty hero did save me by takings the big towel off The Fairy and running around with it. The Fairy did say she was all wanting to go backs to bed.

Chicken xxx

Categories: Chicken, Greyhounds | Tags: , ,

85. My Monty Lovely Bum- by Chicken

Posted on May 3, 2016 by Mydogslife

I has been all angry cross with Ugly Cat because he did all throw an old, rotty fish head in my garden. Monty did say he would tell Ugly Cat off, but I did see him this morning so I did tell him off first. I did tells him that me and big Monty were all going to make mud heads and we is going to make one of him with a big head and a big bottom. He did hiss at me and then went away all huffy and upset.

I did decides to marry Monty again, so I did go to sit with him in his bed and he didn’t gets up so we did sit together. I did tell him that we was getting married, and then he dids get up and go and hide under the table. Then I was sad. Then I did think that I would be all lovely lovely to him from now on and that then he will all wants to marry me.

When we all did go to the lake, a Puggy dog did come and play with him and she did kiss his face so I did say get lost to her. Monty did all say that it wasn’t his fault that everyone loved him and that he couldn’t help being handsome. Then he was all attacked by a mini Yorkshire Terry who did bark at his foot. Monty did just stare at it and did not know what it was. So I did all look after him by pushing in the way of the little doggie.

We did go to visit Big Rabbit and she did teacher me all how to keep cats out the garden. When we all did get home I did have a big sleep and I did dream that Ugly Cats was throwing fish at me, but I did put my tongue out at him all rude. BOOM! BOOM!

Chicken xxx

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82. I Just Doesn’t Know What To Wear – by Chicken

Posted on April 29, 2016 by Mydogslife

All over the last few days yesterday, we did have every big weather in the days. First it was all sunny sunshine and then we did have a strange big wind and then when we was walkering we did get hit by hail stones. We has had on our thin coats, our warm coats, our big coats and we has also been out in the rudy nudy. Yesterday in the morning it was warm but then it did a big change when we was all outside. It was all proper snowing by the time we got backs to the house and I did say it was like Christmas and where was my present?

Monty did then all go like a teacher, teachering me about dates. I did say that I wasn’t interested in the ‘Gregorian, Western or Christian calendar which is most widely used’ and I just wanted my Christmas present. Monty did say I was unreasonable expectoring Father Christmas to bring me presents in April and that it would all ruin Father Christmas’ reputation if he suddenly bringed me a present at the beginnering of summer. He also did say Father Christmas might all have problems with the National Union of Elves, so I did say get lost.

It was all sunny sunshine again laters, so I did go outs into the garden. Ugly Cats did come onto the big fence and I did do jumpy jumps to catch him. He did all jump onto the shed next door and then did ask why I was all angry. I did tell him about all not getting a present and then I did say that Ugly Cats wasn’t allowed to follow us anymore on our walks. He did say that he was only helpering us and he was betterer at patrols than us. Big Monty did all hear this so he did runned out into the garden all big and strong and Ugly Cats did say we was really rude and then he runned away.

We did racing around the mud garden for ages because we was all excited, and then we did have tea and go to sleepy sleep. Today it is all raining so Monty can’t all go for a wee. The Fairy did say she would all put his big coat on him before he blows up. BOOM! BOOM!

Chicken xxx

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