Posts Tagged With: Politics

This morning, I decided to stretch out on the settee to watch the news. This would have been a pleasant experience, had it not been for the fact that Chicken was already on it.

Chicken declared it to be her seat and I tried to remain patient with her whilst explaining that all the furniture was to be shared. She couldn’t quite understand this concept, citing the issue of the cabinet.

She went on to say that she wouldn’t agree to share her seat unless I agreed to allow the troll to live in the new cabinet. I said that the cabinet had already been formed, which she countered by stating that it hadn’t even been delivered yet, nevermind formed.

The discussion went on for quite a while, finally evolving into an almighty row. She registered her disapproval of the new cabinet; the fact that Ugly Cat would be allowed in it; the fact that Troll would not be allowed in it, and quite out of the blue – the fact that I had eaten a roll sausage in a bag without sharing.

Realising that there was no possibility of a reasonable conversation, I did the only thing that I could do under the circumstances: I stretched out to my full size, covered the whole of the settee, and ousted her.

You can’t watch the news from the floor

Chicken gave up her seat, gibbering on about bringing the whole cabinet down as soon as she had the chance. I will be glad when we move into Number 10. We will have more than one seat and more than one cabinet there.

Monty

I am fully aware that I have not been as visible over the last few weeks as I ordinarily like to be. I will not make excuses. Suffice it to say that a rather ill-timed and selfish holiday taken by The Fairy is partly to blame, although she has been back now for over four weeks.

With regards to the election, much progress has been made. Chicken made a rather good point at a meeting recently, which was well attended by every single member of our party. That is to say, both of us.

She pointed out quite rightly (and rather surprisingly considering her general level of awareness of the world outside of her own little bubble) that we would need to have enough members to actually form the Government once we are elected. Whilst I firmly believe that I am more than capable of running the country entirely on my own, I also know the value of delegation.

I am particularly skilled at delegating so have agreed an expansion of party membership with the other current member, Chicken. The negotiations were not the easiest I have ever taken part in, but did eventually come to an end with the following result:

The next cabinet will consist of the following MPs:

Deputy Prime Minister: Big Ted. He is no stranger to responsibility, as I always leave him in charge when Chicken and I are out.

Defense Minister and Head of MI6: Ugly Cat. A controversial appointment as far as Chicken is concerned, but he does have a good spy network already in place.

Chancellor of the Exchequer: Mrs Magpie.

Health Minister: Mr Hedgehog. But only on the condition that he attends meetings unaccompanied. (Fleas.)

Education Ministers: Two pigeons and a rather boring looking garden bird.

Noise Prevention Minister: Miss Mouse.

Minister in charge of saying stupid things which results in the Undermining of Public Confidence In the Government: Mr Fox. (I objected to this concept in the strongest terms, but as Chicken pointed out – every Government has to have at least one.)

All cabinet ministers will be issued with megaphones for use during meetings, as under new regulations (which will come into effect immediately upon our election) they will not be allowed to enter my garden. All said megaphones will have a maximum volume level of 1, to prevent contravening new Noise Level Laws which the Noise Prevention Minister will bring in.

There are only a few days left now until Chicken and I become Prime Ministers, so we are busy making preparations. I am pleased to report that Chicken is taking the whole process seriously.

Monty The Great