Chicken

80. Montysaurus – by Chicken

Posted on April 26, 2016 by Mydogslife

Yesterday in the morning all early at half past five past, Monty did go out in the garden all huffy because there was a big dangerous thing all getting us. But it was not a dangerous thing it was just his birdie wee station that had all blown down in the windy wind. He did pace up and down in front of it and his heckles did all go up massive all the way to his big bottom. The Fairy did say that he looked like a dragon or a stegosaurus. Then he did attack it with a big wee.

When he all came backs inside he did say it was safe for me to go outside so I dids go out on my own. I did sniff about to see if a hedgehog had all been in my garden and when I looked up I did see Ugly Cats sitting on the fence. He did say hello and I did say why was he being all friendly because I didn’t all like him and didn’t want him to take my toys.

Ugly Cats did all say that he was the all most important cat in the streets and we should not be doing patrols without his permission. I did tell him that Montysaurus can all do anything he wants because he is all in charge of everything and he is big and strong. Ugly Cats then did say that he could do a patrol betterer than us because he could all go in places we couldn’t go and he can go at the nightime in the dark night.

I dids then tell him that we do the big nightime patrols all over and I did tell him where we go in the streets. Ugly Cats said he would all do the patrol first before us and I said our patrol was secret so he couldn’t come. Ugly Cats got all prickly and said I would regret not letting him be in charge because he was all important. I then did say I was all going to get Montysaurus because he gets rid of monsters in the garden and Ugly Cats runned away.

So I win.

Chicken xxx

Categories: Chicken, Greyhounds | Tags: ,

79. I Wants Promotion – by Chicken

Posted on April 24, 2016 by Mydogslife

It has been all sunny sunshine again and we has all been in the big garden. I does chase Monty around and I is faster than him. The Fairy hoovered the big grass and it was all noisy. Ugly Cats did come and watch me playing with my toys so I did go and shout at him. He did say that he was all going to come in my garden and I did tell him how big and strong me and Monty is.

I did tell Ugly Cats about our patrol and how we is all getting ready to catching the ill eagle fracking people and that Bob and Dave was all doing it as well. Ugly Cats said that he could all do a patrol betterer than us and I did all laugh at him because he is not cleverer enough to all do a patrol like Monty. Ugly Cats did say he could help and I did say get lost and then Ugly Cats did all get angry and go away.

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Rubbish criminal 

Monty in the afternoon did go in a bag and gets a sausage roll and The Fairy said, “Where’s my sausage rolls?” Monty did say he didn’t know but The Fairy did know that it was him, and she did say Monty wouldn’t make a very good criminal. I did laugh but then I did not laugh because I did not gets a sausage roll.

Then I did tell Monty that I did want to be in charge next time on the secret patrol, but Monty did say that I all couldn’t do it because I lacked the necessary level of concentration required. I did say that I all did have many concert station so Monty did say I should prove it by writing a report about our first patrol. So I did write my betterer report abouts it:

We did all sets off together in the night time. Monty sausage did go at the front and I did walks next to him with the sausage. In the dark on the sausage corner with the sausage in a bag. Sausage saw much cats with the sausage crumbs sausage. The sausage in the roll bag of the sausage special sausage. Bring sausage roll sausage sausages. THE END

I does all have enough concert station. BOOM! BOOM!

Chicken xxx

Categories: Chicken, Greyhounds | Tags: ,

78. Mixed Results – by Monty

Posted on April 22, 2016 by Mydogslife
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The damage can be clearly seen

Yesterday The Fairy cut the mud in the back garden. It looks a lot tidier and the full extent of the damage can now be clearly seen. Ugly Cat appeared on the fence and had a long, private conversation with Chicken. I did not get involved in this, as I was busy guiding The Fairy at the time. I find that running directly in the path of the lawn mower is the best technique here.

Last night we embarked on our first reconnaissance mission and I’m pleased to report it was a success of sorts. I had devised a recording system to allow all members of the team to accurately document any findings. The recording sheets were returned to me in various states of disrepair, and did not yield as much information as I had hoped.

Bob from the Council screwed up his bit of paper as soon as we left the unit and threw it on the floor, but was asked by PC Dave from the Station to pick it up straight away as it contravened the Clean Neighbourhoods and Environment Act 2005. The Fairy mentioned that you can report littering to the Council so Bob said it made more sense for him to report himself to himself in the morning, thus negating the need for Dave to handcuff him and take him to the Station. Dave agreed to this, in the interest of reducing the amount of paperwork he had to do.

Dave had used his to draft out a written warning to Bob about littering; The Fairy had drawn a basic street plan and marked on it every shrub or plant that she liked the look of, with the intention of returning in daylight to inspect them further; and Chicken had used hers to write a love letter to Jurgen Klopp. It became apparent that more training was required vis-a-vis the recording sheets. It is my belief that those responsible for the illegal fracking had got wind of our patrol, and shut down operations for the night. In this respect, our patrol was highly successful.

Upon our return we had a long debriefing over cake and coffee, during which it was again raised as an issue that Chicken was responsible for all the damage in the garden. Chicken said that it was Ugly Cat, and also went on to accuse me of contributing to the disintegration of the lawn without realising it. Outrageous!

Does she think I’m some sort of idiot?

Monty

Categories: Chicken, Greyhounds | Tags: , , , , , , ,

77. International Be Like Monty Day – by Chicken

Posted on April 19, 2016 by Mydogslife

Monty bum bum wee foot has been all big and strong and has decidered that we is all going out soon to start catchering the ill eagles who are all doing the frackering. I is all excited because I is allowed to be doing military action with big Monty. Ugly Cats is going to be leaving my toys alone as well when he sees Monty doing protecting. Monty is so good that today in the morning I did decide to all be like Monty all day.

I did start early by playing with Alive Orange Blob but Alive Orange Blob did start talkering so Monty found out and did come and take it off me. Then I did all start going in the big bag but The Fairy did see me and did come and take it off me. Then I did get a biccy biscuit and Monty did come to take it off me and I didn’t let him.

After we had been to the field I did go to sleep in Monty’s bed and did cuddle Big Ted because he is all squidgy soft which is why Monty always cuddles him. Monty then did say that ifs I stayed in his bed that he would get on the big settee and sits next to The Fairy and be The Fairy’s favourite, so I did gets on the settee first before him. Then I did do an empress shone of him with my face. Can you tell which one is smelly smell Monty?

In the afternoon we did go to the big animal foods shop which has loads of foods in it. The Fairy was all worried because she didn’t want to all get banned from the shop because of Monty. The time before in the big foods shop, Monty had all weed on four calendars with pictures of guinea pigs on them, and the calendars all got wet and the boy who was all doing work experience had to get the mop and bucket and clean it up.

This time today Monty had to wear his special pants so he wouldn’t be all embarrassing in the shoppy shop. Everybody was all watchering Monty to check that he wasn’t being embarrassing, and I did all sit down and do a big wee. Because….

…. today is International Be Like Monty Day, and I was all being like Monty all day.

BOOM! BOOM! Chicky! Chicky, chicky! BOOM! BOOM!

Chicken xxx

Categories: Chicken, Greyhounds | Tags: , ,

72. Biggerer Dinner Day – by Chicken

Posted on April 11, 2016 by Mydogslife

Yesterday in the afternoon it was big bigger dinner day. I all does love this day because we has a bigger special dinner and I gets more extra food. I did spend all morning thinking up what we might gets for special food, but I still didn’t know so it was all exciting.

I did hope that Arky-Ollie-Just would come to see me because he takes me for big walks and cuddles me, but he did all say that he was too busy with his desert station. Monty then did go on for hours and hours about the time that he was stationed in the desert. I did listen for much minutes and then did tell him to shut up because he had all not been in the desert; it was just that the track where he runned was covered in sandy sand. He then did say that I was too young to understands and I did reminded him that I was olderer than him, and he did say that I looked it and I did kick him in the head.

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My extra York puddings 

Then The Fairy did all bring the biggerer big dinner and we all did eat the extra foods up. After dinner we all did get extra extra foods because there was left over puddings left over. The Fairy did give me two York puddings and then she did give big Monty two York puddings. I did decide that Monty did not all want his York puddings so I did take them for me myself.

Monty did then go into the food kitchen all crying to The Fairy and looking all sad, so she did come out the food kitchen and gave snitchy Monty his York puddings back. I did tell him that he was all a wimp, but he did say he was a great leader and I did agreed that he was a FART leader and then he was happy.

BOOM! BOOM! Farty Monty Bum Bum!

Chicken xxx

Categories: Chicken, Greyhounds

68. Ugly Cats Is Watching Me – by Chicken

Posted on April 4, 2016 by Mydogslife

Today Monty is all strutting about saying how his meeting was all successful and he got everyone to agree with him. I did get bored after listening to him for two minutes, but he did keep talkering so I went into the big garden to play.

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Playing dot-to-dot in my garden

First I did do some more digging on my holes. I is going to dig loads more and then join them all up to make a big trench to show Monty. Then I did notice Ugly Cats watching me from the back fence so I did go to shout at him. I did say that he wasn’t allowed on my fence and he did say he could do what he wanted, which is all not true. Monty said that cats is not allowed in my garden and I did say this to Ugly Cats.

Ugly Cats did say that he wasn’t scared of Monty so I did tell him that Monty was angry about the digging and that I had telled Monty that Ugly Cats had done it. Ugly Cats then did say that I would be sorry that I’d done that, and that I didn’t know who I was dealing with.

I did all say that he was very stupid because I knew who he was and he is called Ugly Cats. He then did go all bristles and sharpy claws so I did try to catch him by all jumpy jumping. Ugly Cats did then run away and I did go to get Monty, but he did say he couldn’t see any cats. He is all slow sometimes. Monty said he would all take care of me if Ugly Cats tries to get me, so I loves him all again.

Chicken

Categories: Chicken, Greyhounds | Tags: ,

65. Happily Easter – by Chicken

Posted on March 28, 2016 by Mydogslife

My favourite best thing in the whole world is toys. I is all lucky because the Easter Bunny did all bring me a new crunchy toy which is all mine. I did all make loads of crunchy noise with it for hours. Monty did get an orange blob toy and I did say mine was betterer than his.

But then it was not betterer than his, because his new toy is all alive so I wants it. I did remind Monty that I wanted to all have a pet first before he did, so he should gives it to me. But Monty did say that the Easter Bunny trusted him to look after the alive orange blob because he was soup area to me.

I will all have to just wait until big Monty all gets bored. Then I will have alive orange blob to myself as my pet. I is going to call him Alive Orange Blob.

Happily Easter everyone! Here is my new joke:

Two oranges go into a bar. One says to the other, “Your round.”

BOOM! BOOM!

Chicken xxx

Categories: Chicken, Greyhounds

62. Easter Bunny – by Chicken

Posted on March 24, 2016 by Mydogslife
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The start of my new betterer trench

Monty did say that I all wasn’t allowed to dig in my gooder trench anymore and then he did all get grumpy about it, and stayed near it so I all couldn’t do it. But I is knowing what smelly bum Monty is like, so I did wait for him to get bored and walk aways. I then did go and start a new brand new trench so I did not dig in my old gooder trench, so Monty can’t all get shouty. My new gooder trench is going to be all betterer than my first one.

Today in the afternoon The Fairy did go food shoppering and when she came back Monty did check the bags for cake. He did tell me that people buy extra goody food at Easter and then he did tell me all about the Easter Bunny. I did say that I all wanted to eat the Easter Bunny but he did say I wasn’t allowed. Monty says everything is not allowed!

Monty said the Easter Bunny brings Easter heads made out of choccy chocolate and if I eats the Easter Bunny all the tiny people will cry, because then Bunny won’t be able to bring their heads. He says he is expectoring one as well, and I is not to ‘jeopardise the delivery’ of his choccy head.

The Fairy did say me and Monty is all not eatering any chocolate, so Monty isn’t getting his chocolate head anyway, which means I can eats the Easter Bunny. The Fairy then did say that she wouldn’t let me eats up the Easter Bunny either, but this is all not fair because I don’t gets to eat choccy or the Bunny.

I all did say I would just catch it and keep it as a new toy. So I win.

BOOM! BOOM!

Chicken

Categories: Chicken, Greyhounds | Tags:

60. Don’t Tell Monty – by Chicken

Posted on March 21, 2016 by Mydogslife

BOOM! BOOM! Chicky, chicky, chicky, BOOM! BOOM!

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Can you see the baddy?

I did all watch Sherlock House on the telly box and did learn to look at things all carefully to works out who the baddy is. Then I did all read Monty’s posty about the new birdy toilet log thingy. Then I did all look at the pictures like Sherlock House and did all see the baddy that Monty missed. Can you see him too?

I am not going to all tell Monty because he will all just call another emergency meeting which is boring. He is already grumpy cross because nobody will listen to him about the ill eagle fracturing, and today I just wants to have fun. I am all going to practise my gooder digging skills.

BOOM! BOOM!

Chicken

Categories: Chicken, Greyhounds | Tags: ,

58. A Day Out – by Chicken

Posted on March 17, 2016 by Mydogslife
OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

Looking all beautiful at the big ocean

Yesterday we all did go to the seaside with Grandma and Grandad and Big Rabbit. It was the first time I was all seeing the sea and it was biggerer than anything else in the whole world! I did think that we went to the big ocean every day but Monty did say that was just a lake and not that bigger really.

There was lots of smelly things on the beach to smell and we did both smell everything. Monty did teacher me all about the waves and stones and then he did make a joke about the sea weeing, but I didn’t understand why it was funny that the sea weed. Monty did say that he doesn’t know why he bothers sometimes.

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Monty looking after me when the big ocean chased me with its water

Monty said that the seaside is where people go when it is windy, because every time it is windy he has been to the beach. He also did say that once you are at the sea you are not allowed to leave until you have eaten something that comes out the sea. The people all eats fish and chippies but yesterday me and Monty and Big Rabbit all got a sausage each. I did say that sausages do not come out the sea because they is all made of piggies.

Monty did say he was pleased that I was all cleverer enough to know this, but then he said that I was not as cleverer as him because he also did know that piggies do swim in the sea.

I did say this was rubbish but Monty did say he had seen it on the Discovery Channel so it all was true. I did then ignore him and eat my swimming-sea-piggy sausage quickerer than him, and then I did eat half of Big Rabbit’s sausage so I had more than Monty so I win.

Chicken

Categories: Chicken, Greyhounds

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