Posts Tagged With: Health

157. Grievous Bodily Harm By Chicken – by Monty

Posted on October 20, 2016 by Mydogslife

INCIDENT REPORT

ATTENDING OFFICER: Monty The Great

LOCATION: The corridor

NATURE OF INJURY: High velocity impact

CAUSATION FACTORS: Chicken

A few days ago, Chicken head-butted The Fairy and knocked her out. The whole incident would have been very serious, had it not been for my fortuitous presence.

We were preparing to go out for a walk, which involves attaching The Fairy to our leads to prevent her running off. Stand-Still-Chicken was unable to stand still, due to increased levels of excitement and a lack of self control. She was jumping up and down, and during one of the upwards motions, made contact with The Fairy.

Chicken’s skull hit The Fairy ‘s eyebrow area with a force that can only be described as unnecessary. The noise was awful. The Fairy sank down to the floor, but Chicken interpreted this movement as a request for a kiss, so engaged in further head area interference.

I immediately took charge of the situation, citing my First Aid knowledge and military experience as credentials. As recommended by the medical profession, I directed The Fairy towards the freezer, so that she could put some ice on her eye. I did this by pushing her in the appropriate direction with my body weight, a task made easier by the fact that she was crawling on her hands and knees. At one point, due to an unexpected communication problem, my bottom blocked access to the freezer door, but I put this down to The Fairy’s disorientation.

There was some discussion about the differing levels of usefulness of the various bags of frozen items. The oven chips were discarded straight away, leaving three bags of vegetables in contention. The sweetcorn won out, and was held firmly against the swelling eyebrow.

It was deemed imprudent to cancel the walk, as Chicken was climbing the walls by this point, so our original plan went ahead. It transpired that upon arriving back at the house, The Fairy had no recollection of the walk.

Chicken suffered no injury at all, and was actually totally unaware of the incident, which begs the question: What is her skull made of?

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Oblivious 

Monty

Categories: Greyhounds, Monty | Tags:

156. Health Warning – by Monty

Posted on October 12, 2016 by Mydogslife

Please people, get enough sleep. It’s important.

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A rough night?

Monty

Categories: Greyhounds, Monty | Tags: ,

155. Why Did I Even Bother? – by Monty

Posted on October 10, 2016 by Mydogslife

As a rule, I don’t ask for praise or recognition for the contributions I make to society. I’m happy to go about my business in a professional and discreet manner; my reward being the safety of my unit and immediate community.

There are times however, when I go above and beyond to make a positive difference to the lives of those I’m responsible for, and for this, just a little bit of appreciation wouldn’t go amiss.

Case in point: my diligent cultivation of the tomatoes. I spent a considerable amount of time and effort ensuring the crop was a success in order to provide a valuable food resource for my unit. A day did not go by when they were not attended to. Everybody was impressed at the number of fruits I grew, and a certain amount of awe was expressed as they changed from green to red.

Imagine my disgust then, to find that absolutely nobody is willing to eat them. They are the most succulent tomatoes due to the fact that I watered them myself, at least three times a day.

Now I find, unbelievably, that despite this personal attention, there is a general air of reluctance to try them. I don’t know why I bothered. As far as I can see, there is nothing wrong with them. No explanation has been given for their lack of popularity. It seems that all that watering was a total waste of time.

You can do it yourself next year.

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I see no reason at all why these juicy tomatoes would not be enjoyed by all

Monty

Categories: Greyhounds, Monty | Tags: , ,

154. We Has Eaten A Sausage Dog – by Chicken

Posted on October 9, 2016 by Mydogslife
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Sausage dogs

It is all not nice that Monty has a poorly foot, but it did mean that The Fairy did make us special foods to make him feel better. We did get sausage dogs to eats and I did like eating the sausage dogs. I has been asking for more sausage dogs again but The Fairy has not made them again because we is all fat, especially Monty. Monty has to not be fat because if he is fat his poorly foot will be more hurty hurt hurt. I did reminding to The Fairy that I did not have a poorly foot and I is not very fat just a bit fat but she did say it wasn’t fair if I did get special foods and Monty didn’t so I is mad.

They does like being eaten

Last night in the night time dark we did go for a walks. I did speak to the fox and I did not speak to the fox because he was too far away. Monty did say we had to warns people with pet rabbits so they could all keeps their rabbits safe and I did say that all the rabbits could live in my garden and I would all look after them and play with them but not eat them.

Monty did say they would all be safer with the fox and he did not want wildlife in my garden anyways, because they would all destroy his race track. Bum.

Chicken xxx

Categories: Chicken, Greyhounds | Tags: , , ,

151. List Of My Unfavourite Things Which Are More Important Than Monty’s Unfavourite Things – by Chicken

Posted on October 3, 2016 by Mydogslife

1. Monty copying me by writing a list of things before me and I did say I was going to write a list of things yesterday and then Monty did copy me first before I wrote my second list first.

2. Monty playing with my toys because all toys are mine.

7. Being on my alone.

15. Ugly Cats because he is mean at looking at me and he does want to steal my toys, and Grey Cat because she does always try to kiss Monty.

9. Hedgehogs.

10. Moving furniture.

11. Vacuum cleaner.

22. Mop.

 

Today this morning we did go out to the special foods shop so Monty could go to the vetty vet with his poorly foot. The vet did say that Monty was very better, and that he had got gooder teeth and big muscles. Then we did get weighed in the waiting room and I did find out that Monty was fat.

Monty does now weigh 38.2km and I does only weigh 27.4 stone so I win. The vet did say that Monty did need to be careful with the exercise on his foot so I did say I would all help him not to do the exercise on his foot and then I did wee in the shoppy shop. BOOM! BOOM!

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Helping Monty by telling him not to do the exercise with his foot.

Chicken xxx

Categories: Chicken, Greyhounds | Tags: ,

150. List Of Unfavourable Things – by Monty

Posted on October 3, 2016 by Mydogslife
  1. Dog food
  2. Loud noises
  3. Medium noises
  4. Quiet noises
  5. Noises of any description
  6. Rain
  7. Pigeons
  8. Gravel
  9. Vets – even the ones who are lovely and take care of me
  10. Chicken wanting to play with me when I’m tired/busy which invariably results in a lot of barking
  11. Chicken copying me
  12. Doors
  13. Human celebrations which require fireworks
  14. People vacuuming my office
  15. While I’m still in it
  16. Insubordination
  17. Cats who think they are better than me
  18. Portable green security fencing
  19. Unnecessary bureaucracy including the need for planning permission
  20. Nail clipping
  21. Any change of routine
  22. Any form of operating outside of agreed procedure
  23. Being forced into the garden when it’s cold
  24. Being forced to leave Big Ted at home when we go out in the car
  25. And interestingly – pork scratchings

All of the above items, with the possible exception of 9 and 20, are totally unnecessary in my opinion. I have to prepare myself now, as we are going on a special trip out in the car.

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Big Ted and Big Monty 

Monty

 

Categories: Greyhounds, Monty | Tags:

148. Trials And Tribulations – by Monty

Posted on September 18, 2016 by Mydogslife

After being subjected to seven days of bed rest, I was extremely excited about going out again. So you can imagine my annoyance at being told that it was then too hot to go out. After a further two days, we eventually made it out to the woods.

The pre-approved plan was to walk 20 minutes out, and 20 minutes back. The first stage went well, but the second stage degenerated into aimless wandering and back-tracking, covering a period of approximately 40 minutes. Not only was I subjected to a change of plan, I also had to endure one of the most severe downpours that I have ever experienced.

I do not do changes of plans, and I do not do rain. Which bit of this is difficult to understand?

In addition to these tribulations, I have also learnt from Grey Cat that the fox has been causing some trouble for The Watch. It somehow caught wind of our operations, and has made several attempts at a smear campaign, designed to discredit our integrity.

I am not particularly worried about this, as all our members are of the highest calibre, and would never behave in a manner unbecoming of those under my command.

Monty

Categories: Greyhounds, Monty | Tags: ,

147. If Only You Could See What I See – by Monty

Posted on September 12, 2016 by Mydogslife
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Waiting for the ban to be lifted

There’s a pink hedgehog in my garden. It’s a hedgehog, and it’s pink. I have put in a request for night vision goggles.

Chicken intimated that I was seeing things, but The Fairy was with me and she also saw it. My pink hedgehog.

I am now back in the house but The Fairy has said that I can go out soon because my foot is better and the seven day ban on having fun of any kind is over.

Monty

Categories: Greyhounds, Monty | Tags: , ,

146. Press Release 2 – by Chicken

Posted on September 11, 2016 by Mydogslife

THE WATCH INEFFECTIVE AS LEADER SUFFERS FROM CABIN FEVER

The foxy fox is still all on the estate and the little animals is all still worried because Monty McDonty is not doing any plans with  Ugly Face Cats, because he is not allowed out.

Monty McDonty is sad and annoyed when he doesn’t all go for walks, and he doesn’t all want anyone to know that he is not doing the patrols. He did say it was bad for more arm.

I did say it was bad for his arm as well. BOOM! BOOM!

He is beginnering to mutter to himself and does spend too much time in his office. I did try to keep his more arm up by telling him that I was bestest at catching foxes anyways, so I could all do the job, but this just made him worse.

I does think that he is suffering from cabin fever, but he did say he was not hotty hot, and that he didn’t all live in a cabin. Then he did go to talks to the tomatoes.

By Stand-Still-Chicken 

Public Relations Officer 

The Neighbours Hooded Wildlife Animal Fox Watch

Categories: Chicken, Greyhounds | Tags: , , ,

145. In Support Of Monty – by Chicken

Posted on September 9, 2016 by Mydogslife

Because Monty bum bum is not allowed to go walking, he is getting all grumpy and mad annoyed. I did say that he did have to takes it easy so I did try to takes it easy with him to helps him.

I did trying for a long time and then it was very too difficult to takes it easy, so I did jumpy jumps and did go for walks. But in between jumpy jumps and walkings, I did takes it easy with my Monty.

Monty did say thank you, but he did then also say that I wasn’t all allowed to leave the house with my slippers on, and that I definitely wasn’t all allowed to go to the supermarket in them. Bum.

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All taking it easy

Categories: Chicken, Greyhounds | Tags:

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