Greyhounds

134. Official Enquiry Finds In Chicken’s Favour

Posted on August 16, 2016 by Mydogslife

Controversy seems unavoidable for Monty The Great, as he continues his quest for gold medals at the Independent Olympic Games. Footage of the precision jumping has emerged, forcing a revision of the 15.266 score which he had been awarded on the day. By himself.

The recording clearly shows a slight hesitation before take-off and also that he did indeed put his foot down during his jump. The scoring system dictates that a penalty of 1 is deducted for each of these errors, meaning his score of 15.266 has been amended to 13.266 which puts him in second place behind Chicken’s winning score of 14.938.

Chicken said that she was pleased that the enquiry had revealed the truth, but that she was concerned that her gold medals were becoming quite heavy to carry. She said that she may need to buy a wheelbarrow to move them around.

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The gloves are off

In an unpopular move, Monty The Great has cancelled the remaining gymnastics events, stating that time didn’t allow for unnecessary ‘messing around.’ He has announced that the aquatics will begin immediately, followed by the boxing tournament. When asked to comment about the revised placings  for the precision jumping, he said that he had to accept the result in good grace. Adding that the scoring system was a shambles which did not truly reflect the skills of all competitors.

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133. Monty’s In The Dog House – by Chicken

Posted on August 11, 2016 by Mydogslife
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In the dog house

My beautiful Monty big bum is in the dog house. He has all done the big weeing in the pit and I did win the digging competition and I is not going back in the pit.

We did do some more Limpets this morning, and Monty donty did win three useless sports medals.

First he did win the getting up first in the morning competition (5.01am).

Then he did get an extra medal for winning the waking up The Fairy for no good reason at 5.01am as well, when I didn’t even want to go out anyway because it’s raining cat gory (5.01am).

Then he did win the how many times can we get The Fairy to open the slidy door before 6am for no good reason because I didn’t want to go out anyway because it’s raining section (4).

Today we was all going to do the aqueducts, but it is rainy rain outside so Monty did say we hads to wait because he didn’t want to gets wet. I is looking forward to this bit, because I does love the water and I will win all the swimming competitions in my paddling pool. I have warned Monty that I will know what he’s done ifs the water turns green.

Monty did say that he was having a break from doing the Limpets because he all did have to finish the engine near me project with Arky, but I does think he is sulking because he didn’t win the digging. I am doing secret, secret training when he is not looking. BOOM! BOOM!

Chicken xxx

 

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132. Shock Exit For Top Athlete At Independent Olympic Games – BREAKING NEWS

Posted on August 10, 2016 by Mydogslife

The Independent Olympic Games is in disarray this afternoon, after one of the top athletes was disqualified from the 1m digging.

When asked to clarify the situation, The Fairy said that after a show of the upmost disrespect, Monty The Great had been totally, absolutely and irrevocably disqualified for weeing on the equipment.

She went on to say that, “It is clearly stated in the rules, that none of the apparatus is to be used as a toilet. Doing so negatively impacts on other competitors, and will not be tolerated.” 

Chicken, who was declared the winner by default, said that she was sad that her gold medal had been awarded under these circumstances, but that she intended to accept it anyway, boom, boom.

This is not the first controversy to hit the games. An official enquiry is underway after claims were made that a winning athlete had been judging himself.

Monty The Great was unavailable for comment.

Please note: this video contains footage of weeing.

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131. Never Underestimate Monty The Great – by Monty

Posted on August 10, 2016 by Mydogslife

Chicken has rung the police about the judging of the precision jumping. She is adamant that she should have won, and has demanded an inquiry. Personally, I think the judge was professional and unbiased and that the best dog won. Chicken said that the judge couldn’t be trusted to be unbiased, because the judge was me. I disagree, and the result stands.

The next event which I have lined up is the digging. Points will be awarded for speed, technique, the depth of the finished hole, and how many legs were used in the execution. The highest available score for the last requirement being four.

Chicken believes she will win this one, as I have never been in the digging pit. I warned her not to underestimate me, but she said she wasn’t worried because she thought I was unprepared, and that I couldn’t even compete if I was not brave enough to step into the arena in the first place.

However, I have secretly employed a coach who has helped me develop my routine. After many weeks of assessing the pit, I have finally made the decision to go in it.

This did involve the dismantling of the side wall, but all’s fair in love and sport, as they say.

Monty The Great

 

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130. Honeymoon Woods – by Chicken

Posted on August 9, 2016 by Mydogslife
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Talkering about getting married, and going in the digging pit

We did go for a walk in the lovely woods and it was all big and pretty. We had not been before, so it was all exciting. Then Monty did say that ifs he was going to have a holiday, he would like it to be in this woods.

So I did do thinking, and then said that we could come to the woods when we gets married, and have a holiday honeymoon here. Monty did think this was a goody idea, and then we did talk and talk and talk about getting married.

Then Monty did say we was having a Limpets competition, and we did do the jumping competition, and I did win. Then Monty did say that he had won, which all wasn’t true. I did tell him that he had put his foot down but he did say he hadn’t and then I did say that he had and then he did say that he hadn’t and then I was cross.

Monty did say that we was all having more Limpet competitions again the next time, so I did say we could have a digging competition which is in the digging pit. Monty did say the venue is immaterial, and we could all have the digging competition but that he would do his digging in a different other place. Then I did say NO! The digging competition is in the digging pit and ifs he doesn’t do it inside the digging pit, he will lose.

So I win.

Chicken xxx

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129. Independent Olympic Games – by Monty

Posted on August 8, 2016 by Mydogslife

I did some research in the area of outstanding athletic ability, and found some very interesting information. I had initially planned on entering only the running races at the Olympics, as this is where my talent really lies. However, the fastest man on Earth, Usain Bolt, has never exceeded 30mph, which is no competition for me. I thought it would be unfair to compete against him, so have decided to train for one of the other disciplines, with a view to entering the 2020 Olympic Games instead.

In the meantime, I have organised a schedule of athletic events, in which Chicken and I can compete against each other in our own Independent Olympic Games.

I decided to start with gymnastics, in an event which I have called precision jumping. The object is to clear an obstacle in the most graceful way. Points are awarded for asthetics, technical ability, execution and landing.

As usual, Chicken went first, and put in an acceptable performance, in that she did jump. I then followed, showing how it should have been done. When the points came in, I had won with a score of 15.266 against Chicken’s 14.938.

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Day 1 of the Independent Olympic Games

She was furious. She demanded to speak to the stupid judges. She said that there was no way I could have scored that highly, as I had put my foot down during the jump. This is total rubbish of course. I think I would have known if I’d put my own foot down.

When we got home, I took it upon myself to lecture her about good sportsmanship, and she took it upon herself to go and sulk in the pit. This really is not the kind of behaviour I expect at the Independent Olympic Games.

Monty

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128. The Oil Limpets – by Chicken

Posted on August 7, 2016 by Mydogslife

Monty donty has all taken the remoty control for the tellybox, because he did say that he needed to watch the oil limpets. He did say everyone in the whole big world is watchering the oil limpets, so I did say everyone in the whole big world would be bored silly because oil limpets doesn’t even move a lot ever.

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The oil limpets

Monty told me that I was all wrong, and the limpets were very exciting on the tellybox. I did say if the limpets really is so exciting, why doesn’t he go to the big ocean and see the real things? He did say that he didn’t wants to fly that far. I did all not know that big Monty could do the flying, so now I does love him even more.

I did decide to tell Ugly Cats that Monty could fly, but then I did the thinking and did realise that Ugly Cats does not come to see me anymore. Then I was sad. Monty did tell me nots to worry, because cats does sometimes disappear for a few bits of times, and then they does come backs again. But he did also say that maybe Ugly Cats was staying away because he was fed up with me being rude to him.

So I did say that I would all be nicer and kindly friendly to Ugly Cats when he does the coming back. Monty did then gibber on about pigs flying, and I did say watching pigs flying was more interesting than watching limpets doing not much moving, so I did go out into the garden to wait for Ugly Cats and the flying piggies.

Chicken xxx

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127. It’s The Pits – by Chicken

Posted on August 6, 2016 by Mydogslife

My bestest birthday present is the sloth pit which is called the digging pit. Monty is all too scaredy to go in it, so it is all for me and not for him. We also did get a new other present which is a fire pit which we is not allowed to play with or go near in case it gets us, but it is still my present.

I did do the demonstrating of the digging, but then I did hurt myself with the ball. The Fairy and Arky did give me kisses and then it was all better, so everything is OK.

Monty did do his own demonstrating about being banned from going near our fire pit present. He is so good at “registering my  level of discontent with the standard of presents on offer.” 

Chicken xxx

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126. What Is Chicken’s Name? – by Monty

Posted on August 4, 2016 by Mydogslife
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Joint engineering project under way

Arky-Ollie-Just and I have commenced a joint project which involves the digging of two trenches. I’m obviously the project manager, having so much experience of trench building, and Arky-Ollie-Just is doing most of the labouring. We are in the process of remodeling the front of my property so that there is space for an additional vehicle. I have no particular preference for how this area will be finished off, as long as it is not gravel like it used to be, which I don’t like to walk on.

I informed Bob at the Council of said project, and he said that although he didn’t believe planning permission were needed, he still felt it prudent to inspect the area. He said he would visit at tea time, and that he would eat with us so that we wouldn’t have to change our tea time. He is so thoughtful.

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Stand-Still-Chicken

I’m a little bit confused by Arky-Ollie-Just’s inability to get Chicken’s name correct. He calls her Stand-Still-Chicken all the time. I spoke to The Fairy about Chicken’s name, and asked her to confirm that it had not been changed without my consent. She had also noticed that Arky-Ollie-Just calls her Stand-Still-Chicken, but said it didn’t really matter because Chicken answers to it anyway. I left the kitchen, but was called back almost immediately.

It was at this point, having been pushed out of the way and passed by Chicken, that I realised she also answers to the name Monty. The Fairy and I then conducted an experiment to see if she answers to anything else. She does:

Sweety, doggie, baby, loopy, rainbow, cowboy, trainer, T-shirt, elbow etc. Anything actually, with two syllables.

The Fairy says that she does know her name, and she’s just responding to the tone. It is my considered opinion that Chicken does know her name, and is responding to her stomach. It is quite common for us to receive a snack after being called into the kitchen. I think that when she hears the names Chicken or Monty, she thinks there is food in the offing and makes every effort to get to it before I do. It is also my considered opinion that she has included all other two-syllable words, just in case.

I cannot work out whether she is just a little bit dim, or whether she has unrecognised genius. I also cannot work out which is more dangerous.

Monty The Original

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125. Hippo Birdy To Us – by Chicken

Posted on August 3, 2016 by Mydogslife
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Going out in my car on our birthmonth 

Not before a long time ago a few days ago, I did have a big birthday to say I was eight years old and more older than Monty.  Then all of a suddenly, Monty’s birthday did happen and he is also eight now but he is still youngerer than me, so I win.

I does have a proper birthday but Monty says his is a secret secret, so he just says he is born on the August first day. He did say that racing greyhounds sometimes just has a month as a birthday and not always a special day date. So then I did say we can have a birthmonth insteads of a birthday, and then we can all have 31 presents and not just one. Monty did say this was a goody idea, and my birthmonth is July and his birthmonth is August so office alley we should all get 62 presents altogether.

Our big present is the sloth pit which is called a digging pit. I does go in it and then Monty doesn’t go in it because he is scaredy pants. I does big digging all the time and I loves it. It did take a long time to build it and put sand in it and now the sand is all mixed up with the mud and it is all getting deeper.

Monty did say that he was going to make a list of the other 61 presents that he wants, so I did say this was a goody best idea and I would all do the same.

MONTY’s LIST

A new lead; a chemistry set; 59 rump steaks.

MY LIST

Two new leads; two chemical sets; 118 rumpy steaks; a real life fluffy bunny rabbit which I will look after and play with but not eat it; a bikini for my holidays; a full bag of rotty rotten fish heads to throw at Ugly Cats; some roller blades; 26 roll sausages in a bag which I is not sharing with Monty; driving lessons.

My list is betterer than his list.

Chicken xxx

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