Posts Tagged With: Health

225. Ghost Cats And Big Foot Is Real – by Chicken

Posted on March 28, 2018 by Mydogslife
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Big Foot with dog biscuit crumbs

In the morning the other day morning Monty did say he was feeling poorly foot and I did look at it and his poorly foot was twice as big as his not bigger other foot. I did call him Big Foot and he did say Big Foot was not real and my Ghost Cat was not real and I dids shouting but Big Foot Monty was too painful to answer. So I dids show him the writing from the internetty and the man had film of the ghost cat.

So I win.

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Peoples has all seen one.

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Poor Monty Big Foot 

I did go to tell The Fairy that Monty was Big Foot and Monty did get mad because then he dids have to go to the vets. Everybody was all worried and I was sad for my poorly Big Foot Monty.

The vet did fix his big foot and he did have the fur shaved off and he does look silly. I did missing him when he was at the vetty vet.

When he did coming home he was sleepy sleepy so I did cheer him all ups by telling him a bedtime story called The Bremen Musicians And The Tower With The Sausage Tower. It did take two hours to tell it all properly.

 

 

Chicken

Categories: Chicken, Greyhounds | Tags: , ,

222. Inner Calm – by Monty

Posted on March 21, 2018 by Mydogslife

I have told Chicken that she needs to relax a little. She is so springy that she is beginning to see things that are not there. I can perhaps accept that a scruffy cat has been seen, but she is now also insisting that she is being followed by horses. I co-ordinate the night time walks from my office so cannot verify these sightings, but I do not believe for one moment that she is being followed on a residential estate by large horses.

I have heard that yoga is good for relaxation so have recommended the practice to Chicken.

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Downward-facing dog. 

Monty

Categories: Greyhounds, Monty | Tags: , ,

220. Making The Most Of The Snow – by Monty

Posted on March 18, 2018 by Mydogslife
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In the lead as usual.

I sincerely apologise for neglecting my communication duties. I do hope that everyone is well. The thing is, I have only just regained consciousness after forgetting to send Chicken a Valentine’s Day card. We have decided unanimously never to speak of it again.

I feel a quick update of events is in order. Firstly, I received a letter from The House Of Commons. I have returned it unopened as it was incorrectly addressed simply to Monty. If the government wants my advice about something they can use my official title of Monty The Great.

Secondly, Chicken is convinced that she is being stalked by a ghost cat. I rang PC Dave at the Station to ask if there had been any other reports of said ghost cat, to which he replied in the negative. He has promised to keep his eye out for anything suspicious.

Thirdly, we are still caught in the nightmare that is the diet.

Lastly, I have called a meeting to discuss the refurbishment of my garden. I have big plans for this year with regards vegetables. Work will begin as soon as this snow has cleared. Until then, Chicken and I will make the most of it.

Monty The Great

Categories: Greyhounds, Monty, The help | Tags: , , , , ,

216. Selfish Monty – by Chicken

Posted on December 20, 2017 by Mydogslife

Monty donty has all stolen my eclectic bed. He did try to sit on it but I was all sitting on it because it is mine and The Fairy did buy it for me. Then Monty did go on my settee and it is mine as well. I does not know how to all sits on my eclectic bed and my settee at the same time. Monty’s bottom is massive.

Then Monty did say I did have to say apologise to Rudolf and I did say that I did not have to. He did say that ifs I does apologising he would give me a carrot but I doesn’t like carrots. Then he did say that the carrot could be something else that I wants, so I did say that I wants to show the picture of Monty’s Easter Island Head Poo and he did say no. He did say the people would be upset because it is all rude but I did say that is the only way I will all say sorry to stupid Rudolf.

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My new Christmas present.

For Christmas I have asked for a puinnea gig. I will look after it and play with it and not eats it. Last year I did ask for a baby rabbit but I dids not get one so this year I has asked for a puinnea gig. Monty did say that I wouldn’t get a Christmas present ifs I doesn’t say sorry. Bum.

I did say that I wouldn’t say sorry unless I could all show my Easter Island Head Poo photo. I did tell Monty not to be selfish. BOOM! BOOM!

Chicken

Categories: Chicken, Greyhounds | Tags: , , ,

215. In The Manner To Which I Am Accustomed – by Monty

Posted on December 19, 2017 by Mydogslife

 

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I’m still on it now.

There has been talk of arthritis in regards to my foot. During the recent cold weather I have been reduced to hopping. The usual remedy administered by The Fairy in the event of illness or injury is sausages and roast chicken. Unfortunately, this time it did not work. It helped a lot. But it did not work.

I am pleased to announce that I am now the proud owner of an electric bed, which is working. The Fairy has produced an electric blanket from somewhere and has built up a rather super bed for me, complete with Christmas blanket. This is the level of treatment that I deserve in my retirement.

 

The first round of talks about the Christmas cancelling situation have broken down. Chicken put forward a proposal which was totally unacceptable. The Fairy was inclined to consider it, but I put my non-arthritic foot down. I fully understand the importance of reaching a settlement, but my self respect is worth more than Christmas.

Isn’t it?

Monty

Categories: Greyhounds, Monty | Tags: , ,

208. Food Club – by Monty

Posted on August 4, 2017 by Mydogslife

We have been weighed. Between us, we have lost 200g which in real money is 8oz which in real life is ENOUGH. The Fairy is rather confused, but being in receipt of all relevant information, I fully comprehend the situation.

We have bested her. My superior intellect and highly advanced survival skills have ensured Chicken and I have not starved to death. It is not easy to keep a good dog down – and I happen to be Great.

As soon as I realised that the diet situation was to be ongoing, I formed a secret organization called FOOD CLUB.

The first rule of Food Club is: You do not talk about Food Club. The second rule of Food Club is: You do not talk about Food Club.

This being the case, and bearing in mind my absolute devotion to rules and regulations, I only intend to hint at my activities as a member of Food Club.

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Stealth Operative 

Let’s just say that the hedgehogs who have invaded my garden are not as big as they could have been, had they made it to the cake and peanut butter before I did. Let’s just say that The Fairy wasn’t loosing her mind when she couldn’t locate the digestives that she was sure she had purchased at the supermarket. Let’s just say, for arguments sake, that certain cupboards and a certain fridge freezer may not be as well stocked as they are believed to be.

On the plus side, my reputation as a stealth operative is completely intact.

Enough said.

Monty The Great

Categories: Greyhounds, Monty | Tags: , ,

207. The First Rule – by Monty

Posted on July 12, 2017 by Mydogslife

Chicken has made a remarkable recovery and is almost back to her normal self. I put this down to the care and attention that I have been administering diligently, and to the fact that she is made of elastic and high tension springs.

Yesterday I licked her ear as I am now allowed near her head without being warned off. She is more playful with me and her tail is wagging more. It remains to be seen whether this is a good or a bad thing. I have been on the receiving end of that tail once too often.

Now, with regards to food, the first rule of engagement is of the upmost importance and is universally accepted by all dogs:

1. All unattended and exposed food belongs to the dog.

For the purposes of this article, unattended is defined as being not in the hands of an adult. Exposed refers to any food accessible to the dog, up to and including items located after a thorough search of bags and cupboards.

As the leader, I have a duty to provide for all the members of my unit. To this end, after a well executed and stealth-like mission, I managed to secure two bagels for our breakfast. Timing was paramount, and my action would not have been discovered had it not been for Chicken’s lack of urgency.

I have scheduled in some training on statutory procedures to be followed by all.

I do not want Chicken being arrested for possession of stolen property.

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Eat or conceal. PROPERLY

Monty

Categories: Greyhounds, Monty | Tags: ,

206. Hear Me Out – by Monty

Posted on July 11, 2017 by Mydogslife

In my line of work, it is important to think on your feet. Sometimes it is necessary to Improvise, Adapt and Overcome. This is where I excel. When the going gets tough, as they say, the tough get going. And the going is particularly tough at the moment with regards to the food situation and to Chicken’s teeth.

I have good news regarding her recovery. I accompanied her to the vets this morning for her check up. Ordinarily I wouldn’t set foot in the place, but I was there to support Chicken. I did a rather good demonstration of how one might shake if one were frightened of the vets, which everybody present found very useful. The vet was pleased with her progress so we are all very relieved. The Fairy has given both of us extra attention and has hand-fed Chicken with all sorts of nice things. I’m glad to say that I was also given some of this lovely PROPER food, in the interest of fairness.

Then it came to me. A flash of inspiration so profound that even I was stunned by my own brilliance. Improvise, adapt and overcome.

These are the facts:

  • We were put on a diet of gravel. 
  • Chicken had some teeth removed.
  • For a period of three days we were both given soft chicken, mince, black pudding and ham.

So, without even referring to the official text book, I have identified a method of obtaining good quality food for a period of at least three days: book Chicken into the vets. It’s that simple!

Hear me out.

Chicken has 26 teeth left, which in theory could mean up to 78 days of decent food if she were to have one tooth extracted at a time, and we were to get soft cooked real meat for three days after each extraction. I’m sure she will agree that that will be worth the small amount of discomfort she may feel.

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Stunned by my own brilliance

I have not yet ironed out all the details, but I intend to put the idea to Chicken as soon as she stops drooling.

Monty The Great

Categories: Greyhounds, Monty | Tags: , ,

205. A Message From Chicken – by Chicken

Posted on July 10, 2017 by Mydogslife

BLOOM! BLOOM!

Phraa lemph broooo. Slaph blur pree. Vet phoo glaa going again snall shloo never. Brrrrree phrass sloff. Blum blum blum!

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Ppprrretty ton

Chlichen phf phf phf xxx

Categories: Chicken, Greyhounds | Tags: ,

204. Amazing Chicken – by Monty.

Posted on July 9, 2017 by Mydogslife

I will be the first to admit that in recent times I have rather lost sight of who I am. I put this down to the shock that my body has been going through, since the illegal withdrawing of the approved a la carte menu. Though fully aware of this crime against humanity, I felt unable to rally myself to action.

Luckily, I have my right hand man Chicken looking out for me. Admittedly, she went about administering help in a rather uncouth fashion, but administer help she did. By literally throwing me a lifeline. In the form of a very large book.

The book which roused me from my stupor was none other than the highly acclaimed 1996 addition of How To Win Yourself A Home And Control Your Humans Once You Get There. 

I cannot believe that I did not immediately refer to this volume! I have used this text during many of my lectures to recently retired greyhounds to great effect. I intend to follow – to the letter – all the instructions given in the chapter about food. The Fairy is no match for me!

 

On a more serious note: teeth. Mine are excellent. Mine are the best teeth that the vet has ever seen on a greyhound. They are made of reinforced concrete and have side-impact protection bars installed as standard. They are big, strong, and responsible for many of the compliments that I receive on a daily basis.

Chicken’s, on the other hand, are rubbish. So rubbish in fact, that she has had to have six of them taken out. She is a little out of sorts at the moment but is recovering well. A bit droolly but I’m hoping that passes.

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She’s in safe hands

She has nothing to fear. From this moment on I will be taking full responsibility for her rehabilitation and wellbeing. I consider it an honour to be able to look after her. She is in safe hands.

Monty

Categories: Greyhounds, Monty | Tags: , ,

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