Posts Tagged With: Health

144. Disproportionate Reaction – by Monty

Posted on September 7, 2016 by Mydogslife

I would like to confirm officially that I do indeed have a poorly foot, but it is nothing that I can’t handle. The vet advised seven days of bed rest, no jumping and no digging. Unfortunately, The Fairy has decided to follow this advice which means no walks. I have been unable to perform my security patrols and will not be able to do so for another five days. This comes at a time when the threat level is at Amber, due to the presence of the fox.

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Total over-reaction 

In line with these restrictions, The Fairy has cordoned off the digging pit and most of the garden. She spoke briefly about “using this opportunity to kill two birds,” which suggests to me that her policy of attracting garden birds has been revoked. This kind of disproportionate reaction is exactly what I would expect of a civilian.

I am also inclined to believe that Bob at the Council has had some part in the restricted zone being implemented, as he made an unexpected visit last week, and made some derogatory comments about the racing ditch that Chicken and I are building. Our race track looks suspiciously level to me, but I cannot gain access to inspect it properly. Arky-Ollie-Just shares my concern for the track, as he has been watering it regularly for the past couple of days.

He is obviously keeping the ground moist for us, so that it will be easier to dig up again once the cordon comes down.

Monty

Categories: Greyhounds, Monty | Tags: , , , , ,

143. NHS Delivers Outstanding Care To Ailing Greyhound – by Chicken

Posted on September 6, 2016 by Mydogslife
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Poorly foot Monty 

I has founded the National Hound Service to looks after poorly Monty. He did go to the vets and she did say that he had arthritis in his left wrist. She did give him some big medicine and did say he had to rest properly and then I did also say that he had to rest and that I would all look after him.

The Fairy did go to the shoppy shop and did buy me two presents because Monty donty is poorly. She did give me my first present and I did love it because it did squeak. Then on accident she did give Monty my other second present and it was a soft squirrel and it did make a different squeaky noise. I did take it off Monty because I did not all want him to hurt his hurty foot because I does love him.

Then I did tell Monty that I will tell him all about the walking when I go out because he is not allowed to come. Monty did say he was working in his office anyways, so I did say I would help him and he did say no.

Arky and The Fairy did say they does have a plan to help Monty to rest so Monty is all being looked after properly.

Chicken xxx

Categories: Chicken, Greyhounds | Tags:

141. The Independent Olympic Games Closing Ceremony – by Monty

Posted on September 1, 2016 by Mydogslife

Both Chicken and I have fully enjoyed our Independent Olympic Games. I have decided not to count up medals, in the interest of friendship.

The ceremony begins with Chicken showing the spirit of love between competitors through the medium of modern dance, before my big entrance from the back of the auditorium.

We then simulate some of the events we took part in, like track running and jumping, though my digging display was obscured by the flowers.

There was a slight altercation towards the end due to Chicken not following my choreography, but I do not believe it detracts from how successful the performance was.

Monty

Categories: Greyhounds, Monty | Tags: , ,

136. The Limpets Marathon – by Chicken

Posted on August 22, 2016 by Mydogslife

On the tellybox in the week ago, we did see the big race at the Limpets. Everybody did miss the bus so they all did have to run 26 miles to get to the finish line. Monty did say this was supposed to happen, and it was called the marathon. Then he did all gibber on about the history of the race and he did talking about a place and a battle and I did go to look for hedgehogs in the garden.

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Starting the marathon 

Then The Fairy did decide to do a marathon but not the running bit, because she is not as fitty fit fit as me and Monty. Arky did come with his camera and when we got there we did have to stop to look at nothing for ages. I was bored. Then we did see big ugly fluffy things with skinny greyhound legs who was all staring at us meanly, but me and Monty did ignoring because they wasn’t proper greyhounds. Monty did say they were sheep and I did say they were smelly.

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What view?

We did walkering for big ages and we did all start to slow down. There was loads of too much wind near the end so we did want to get back in the safety car. When we did get home we had yummy yummy food because it was biggerer dinner day, and then me and Monty did fall asleep and do big sleeping because we had all done the Limpets marathon.

Then after this later I did want to go for another walks because I is higher active and The Fairy did say I was like a rechargeable batteries, but I did say I just wanted to go for another walks. Monty was all tired so he did pretending to be asleep so I did help him wake up by kicking him. Then he did get up and come with us.

Chicken xxx

Categories: Chicken, Greyhounds | Tags: ,

135. The Return Of Ugly Cat – by Monty

Posted on August 20, 2016 by Mydogslife

Yesterday morning, Chicken launched herself into the garden without doing a pre-launch safety assessment. If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a thousand times: you can’t just go out into the garden without checking that the coast is clear. If you don’t look before you leap, you are bound to be taken off guard.

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Unraveling a ball of string event 

On this particular occasion, Chicken was stunned to find Ugly Cat sitting on the wall of my digging pit. She was so surprised, that she ran around in circles, shrieking hysterically in shock. This was fortunate for Ugly Cat, who was able to jump to safety on the fence without too much difficulty. Chicken then came to her senses and tried to reach the cat by jumping at the fence, until I firmly reminded her of her promise to be nicer to Ugly Cat.

To her credit, she did then welcome him back before chattering on about our Independent Olympics. Ugly Cat seemed very interested, and regaled us with stories of his own athletic ability. Apparently, he had been a champion tree climber in his youth, and could not be beaten in any activity which involved a ball. Of string.

Chicken then took off in search of a ball of string, whilst I spoke to Ugly Cat about his absence. It turned out that his unit had gone abroad on holiday, and that Ugly Cat had been put into kennels after flatly refusing to get on the plane. I congratulated him on his decision, citing extreme heat as a good reason for not going, which he agreed with.

He then said that he would be willing to judge a ball of string unraveling competition, as part of our Independent Olympic Games. Chicken re-appeared at this moment, with a ball of string which she had stolen from Arky-Ollie-Just. After a brief explanation of the rules, we set about unraveling it.

Chicken wrapped it around my digging pit a couple of times, before I took over and did the same. It was one of the most enjoyable events of the whole Games, which we both received a gold medal for, as Ugly Cat said he couldn’t separate us with the scoring.

I did feel it necessary to speak to The Fairy about the state of the athletics field, which is deteriorating rapidly. She said that the only way to improve it was to ban all competitors from going on it, so I withdrew my complaint and beat a hasty retreat before she had time to put the ban in place.

Monty

Categories: Greyhounds, Monty | Tags: , ,

134. Official Enquiry Finds In Chicken’s Favour

Posted on August 16, 2016 by Mydogslife

Controversy seems unavoidable for Monty The Great, as he continues his quest for gold medals at the Independent Olympic Games. Footage of the precision jumping has emerged, forcing a revision of the 15.266 score which he had been awarded on the day. By himself.

The recording clearly shows a slight hesitation before take-off and also that he did indeed put his foot down during his jump. The scoring system dictates that a penalty of 1 is deducted for each of these errors, meaning his score of 15.266 has been amended to 13.266 which puts him in second place behind Chicken’s winning score of 14.938.

Chicken said that she was pleased that the enquiry had revealed the truth, but that she was concerned that her gold medals were becoming quite heavy to carry. She said that she may need to buy a wheelbarrow to move them around.

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The gloves are off

In an unpopular move, Monty The Great has cancelled the remaining gymnastics events, stating that time didn’t allow for unnecessary ‘messing around.’ He has announced that the aquatics will begin immediately, followed by the boxing tournament. When asked to comment about the revised placings  for the precision jumping, he said that he had to accept the result in good grace. Adding that the scoring system was a shambles which did not truly reflect the skills of all competitors.

Categories: Greyhounds | Tags:

133. Monty’s In The Dog House – by Chicken

Posted on August 11, 2016 by Mydogslife
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In the dog house

My beautiful Monty big bum is in the dog house. He has all done the big weeing in the pit and I did win the digging competition and I is not going back in the pit.

We did do some more Limpets this morning, and Monty donty did win three useless sports medals.

First he did win the getting up first in the morning competition (5.01am).

Then he did get an extra medal for winning the waking up The Fairy for no good reason at 5.01am as well, when I didn’t even want to go out anyway because it’s raining cat gory (5.01am).

Then he did win the how many times can we get The Fairy to open the slidy door before 6am for no good reason because I didn’t want to go out anyway because it’s raining section (4).

Today we was all going to do the aqueducts, but it is rainy rain outside so Monty did say we hads to wait because he didn’t want to gets wet. I is looking forward to this bit, because I does love the water and I will win all the swimming competitions in my paddling pool. I have warned Monty that I will know what he’s done ifs the water turns green.

Monty did say that he was having a break from doing the Limpets because he all did have to finish the engine near me project with Arky, but I does think he is sulking because he didn’t win the digging. I am doing secret, secret training when he is not looking. BOOM! BOOM!

Chicken xxx

 

Categories: Chicken, Greyhounds | Tags: , , ,

132. Shock Exit For Top Athlete At Independent Olympic Games – BREAKING NEWS

Posted on August 10, 2016 by Mydogslife

The Independent Olympic Games is in disarray this afternoon, after one of the top athletes was disqualified from the 1m digging.

When asked to clarify the situation, The Fairy said that after a show of the upmost disrespect, Monty The Great had been totally, absolutely and irrevocably disqualified for weeing on the equipment.

She went on to say that, “It is clearly stated in the rules, that none of the apparatus is to be used as a toilet. Doing so negatively impacts on other competitors, and will not be tolerated.” 

Chicken, who was declared the winner by default, said that she was sad that her gold medal had been awarded under these circumstances, but that she intended to accept it anyway, boom, boom.

This is not the first controversy to hit the games. An official enquiry is underway after claims were made that a winning athlete had been judging himself.

Monty The Great was unavailable for comment.

Please note: this video contains footage of weeing.

Categories: Greyhounds | Tags: , ,

131. Never Underestimate Monty The Great – by Monty

Posted on August 10, 2016 by Mydogslife

Chicken has rung the police about the judging of the precision jumping. She is adamant that she should have won, and has demanded an inquiry. Personally, I think the judge was professional and unbiased and that the best dog won. Chicken said that the judge couldn’t be trusted to be unbiased, because the judge was me. I disagree, and the result stands.

The next event which I have lined up is the digging. Points will be awarded for speed, technique, the depth of the finished hole, and how many legs were used in the execution. The highest available score for the last requirement being four.

Chicken believes she will win this one, as I have never been in the digging pit. I warned her not to underestimate me, but she said she wasn’t worried because she thought I was unprepared, and that I couldn’t even compete if I was not brave enough to step into the arena in the first place.

However, I have secretly employed a coach who has helped me develop my routine. After many weeks of assessing the pit, I have finally made the decision to go in it.

This did involve the dismantling of the side wall, but all’s fair in love and sport, as they say.

Monty The Great

 

Categories: Greyhounds, Monty | Tags: , , ,

130. Honeymoon Woods – by Chicken

Posted on August 9, 2016 by Mydogslife
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Talkering about getting married, and going in the digging pit

We did go for a walk in the lovely woods and it was all big and pretty. We had not been before, so it was all exciting. Then Monty did say that ifs he was going to have a holiday, he would like it to be in this woods.

So I did do thinking, and then said that we could come to the woods when we gets married, and have a holiday honeymoon here. Monty did think this was a goody idea, and then we did talk and talk and talk about getting married.

Then Monty did say we was having a Limpets competition, and we did do the jumping competition, and I did win. Then Monty did say that he had won, which all wasn’t true. I did tell him that he had put his foot down but he did say he hadn’t and then I did say that he had and then he did say that he hadn’t and then I was cross.

Monty did say that we was all having more Limpet competitions again the next time, so I did say we could have a digging competition which is in the digging pit. Monty did say the venue is immaterial, and we could all have the digging competition but that he would do his digging in a different other place. Then I did say NO! The digging competition is in the digging pit and ifs he doesn’t do it inside the digging pit, he will lose.

So I win.

Chicken xxx

Categories: Chicken, Greyhounds | Tags: ,

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